The Biggest Roadblock To Success For Many People

Monday Morning began publication in May, 2003. My workload has reduced it from a
weekly to a twice a month effort, but I hope it Continues to help readers find renewed
confidence, enthusiasm and successes. Thank you for all for your encouragement and ideas for columns!


Last week after finishing a talk, I was asked what I would consider the number one
characteristic besides not knowing one’s definition of success, for mediocre performance
or failure. Several things came to mind—lack of time management, negative attitudes, poor preparation, etc. But then it hit me, That characteristic is thinking it’s all about me!

I recall a man whom I was coaching through the job search process that came to me after an interview. He was disappointed because the company didn’t seem to care about his Harvard degree or his connections. “All this old fossil that interviewed me was interested in was what I could do for the company!” He all but shouted at me, “Doesn’t he recognize talent when he sees it, I’ve never felt so underappreciated in all my life!” I calmly reminded him that I had coached him to talk about how he could contribute to the company and not try to impress them with how “great” he was.

Several years ago a man came up to me following a motivational speech in which I had said that the biggest hindrance to success in selling was putting what the salesman wanted between the product and the customer. He told me that he disagreed completely. Always eager to acknowledge and correct my mistakes I inquired as to why he disagreed. He said “When I go into a meeting with a prospect, the most important thing is not my product or the customer’s needs; it’s my closing ratio and my commission that I focus on.” About a year later, I was back before the same group and asked about this young man. I was told that he had left sales and was now working as a truck driver.

When we make “it all about me and what I want or need” we choke off our ability to respond creatively to the setbacks that are a routine part of living. Whether we are interviewing for a job, making a sales presentation, managing a department or trying to lead a project team our response to problems becomes defensive and aimed at self-preservation instead of resolving the problem. In other words, our first concern is saving face rather than stepping back, analyzing the situation and working toward a solution that benefits everyone concerned.

A man who was, by all appearances very successful consulted me a few years ago. He had the right address, drove the right luxury car and held memberships in all the right clubs. But, as he put it, it seemed that all the things his success had brought him failed to provide a sense of fulfillment. He said that he felt empty, that there was a piece missing. After visiting with him for a couple of hours, he said, “You know, my problem is that it’s always been about me. But I realize now that the only way to be happy and successful is to make it about others, because if I make it about others first, then what I need and want will take care of itself.” Then he added, “And most important, I’ll start liking the man whose face I shave every morning.”

You see, making “it all about me and what I want or need” causes us to lose respect for ourselves. Deep down we know when we have taken advantage of a customer’s lack of knowledge, stole a coworker’s ideas, or taken full credit for something that others made contributions toward achieving. At some point, you will stop liking the man whose face you shave or the woman whose face you apply make-up to each morning.

So this week, remember that in getting from where you are today to where you plan to be tomorrow means making it about finding ways to help and encourage others.
Have a GREAT and profitable week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com