Robert Hidde's Monday Morning, March 21, 2007

Remember being taught “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me?” While that adage is a good one to remember when others are saying cruel, unkind or untrue things about us, they are not true when it comes to solving problems, moving toward our goals or bolstering our confidence. It isn’t true because the words we use, whether in conversation or thinking become the generators of how we feel about something.

The way we feel about a goal, situation or ourselves creates emotion. This in turn plays a big role in dictating our outlook, thus determining how we approach what needs accomplishing. Let me suggest a word change that will make a difference in your confidence and improve your success ratio.

THINK HOW NOT IF. A bright young man was telling me about a big deal he had been working on that seemed stalled. In response to my question of what needed to be done to move the sale to the next step, he began outlining what needed to happen. According to him, there were five barriers to a decision. As he listed them, he began each on by saying, “If So and So will get this…” and “If this happens…” and “If that goes well…”

Finally, I said, “Brent, if an elephant had wings, he’d be a very big bird.” Stunned, he demanded to know what that had to do with his situation. I explained that he should be focused on HOW he could help these things to happen, instead of waiting for them to happen. You see, the word HOW takes responsibility, while the word IF creates the illusion that things are beyond our control.

When we are in the “If mode”, a mental vacuum is created. By simply changing from the “If-mode” to the “How-mode in our thinking that vacuum is filled with new insights, fresh ideas and innovative strategies.

The “How-mode” creates a new sense of hope, stirs our enthusiasm and challenges our creativity. So, next time you have a challenge, shift to the “how-mode” and see what happens. You might just amaze yourself!

Hundreds of years ago (when I was a child), my parents were visiting with some friends. This particular evening was the night a television program aired that they all enjoyed. The hostess apologized that they would be unable to enjoy the program because their picture had faded to the point that you could barely see it. Unless you know my mother (now a feisty 96 years young), you won’t fully appreciate what happened next. She got up, turned on the set and looked at the faded picture. Then she licked her fingers and swiped them across the screen. Suddenly, the area she had ran her fingers over became clearer. This put her into full take charge mode and she proceeded to get a towel and clean the entire screen. The problem wasn’t that the picture tube had faded out, it was that screen hadn’t been cleaned in years, and a haze of dust, grit and smoke were obscuring the otherwise bright picture.

Sometimes our vision of the future is obscured because like that family’s television screen, we’ve allowed the dust and grit of past mistakes and the smoke from defeatist attitudes to build up over the years, creating a hazy film over the television screen of our minds. We have become so accustomed to viewing the future through the haze of the past that we automatically assume that the faded, hazy images are true.

What do we do when our windshield becomes covered with smashed bugs? Do we grip the steering wheel tighter and curse the bugs? Of course not, we push the windshield washer control and clear the windshield of those things that obscure our vision. Like smashed bugs piling up on our windshield, negative events or setbacks can slow us down because they impair our vision.

In order to maintain (or revitalize) our can-do spirit, we have to treat our setbacks and negative occurrences like we do those bugs. We must realistically appraise the situation, deal with it and keep moving forward.