Robert Hidde's Monday Morning!

New Beginnings

2011-07-18T10:53:00.001-05:00

Several years ago, my daughter, a minister in Texas called to tell me about something she found written on the inside cover of one of my dad’s reference books. Dad had been a minister for over 60 years, and my daughter had picked up some of his reference books on her last visit to Tulsa.

In one book she found these words written inside the cover, “Received January 25, 1936, A day of new beginnings”.

Now I don’t know what dad meant when he wrote that, but she saw an ironic significance in it. Dad died on January 25—63 years later. The month and day that he wrote about a being day of new beginnings for him was the same date that he crossed over to a land of new beginnings.

As I thought about it, I realized that everyday should be a day of new beginnings for each of us. While it is true that we can learn valuable lessons from past experiences that can become a catalyst for success; it is just as true that for many people the past serves as a mental barrier rather than a springboard into the future. For whatever reason they tend to allow past difficulties to cloud their evaluation of current opportunities, past mistakes to haunt them, and past defeats to paralyze them.

This Week’s Action Step: make this a week of “new beginnings” by beginning everyday with the affirmation, “Today Is A Day of New Beginnings For Me!”

The Biggest Roadblock To Success For Many People

2010-05-03T10:32:00.003-05:00

Monday Morning began publication in May, 2003. My workload has reduced it from a
weekly to a twice a month effort, but I hope it Continues to help readers find renewed
confidence, enthusiasm and successes. Thank you for all for your encouragement and ideas for columns!

Last week after finishing a talk, I was asked what I would consider the number one
characteristic besides not knowing one’s definition of success, for mediocre performance
or failure. Several things came to mind—lack of time management, negative attitudes, poor preparation, etc. But then it hit me, That characteristic is thinking it’s all about me!

I recall a man whom I was coaching through the job search process that came to me after an interview. He was disappointed because the company didn’t seem to care about his Harvard degree or his connections. “All this old fossil that interviewed me was interested in was what I could do for the company!” He all but shouted at me, “Doesn’t he recognize talent when he sees it, I’ve never felt so underappreciated in all my life!” I calmly reminded him that I had coached him to talk about how he could contribute to the company and not try to impress them with how “great” he was.

Several years ago a man came up to me following a motivational speech in which I had said that the biggest hindrance to success in selling was putting what the salesman wanted between the product and the customer. He told me that he disagreed completely. Always eager to acknowledge and correct my mistakes I inquired as to why he disagreed. He said “When I go into a meeting with a prospect, the most important thing is not my product or the customer’s needs; it’s my closing ratio and my commission that I focus on.” About a year later, I was back before the same group and asked about this young man. I was told that he had left sales and was now working as a truck driver.

When we make “it all about me and what I want or need” we choke off our ability to respond creatively to the setbacks that are a routine part of living. Whether we are interviewing for a job, making a sales presentation, managing a department or trying to lead a project team our response to problems becomes defensive and aimed at self-preservation instead of resolving the problem. In other words, our first concern is saving face rather than stepping back, analyzing the situation and working toward a solution that benefits everyone concerned.

A man who was, by all appearances very successful consulted me a few years ago. He had the right address, drove the right luxury car and held memberships in all the right clubs. But, as he put it, it seemed that all the things his success had brought him failed to provide a sense of fulfillment. He said that he felt empty, that there was a piece missing. After visiting with him for a couple of hours, he said, “You know, my problem is that it’s always been about me. But I realize now that the only way to be happy and successful is to make it about others, because if I make it about others first, then what I need and want will take care of itself.” Then he added, “And most important, I’ll start liking the man whose face I shave every morning.”

You see, making “it all about me and what I want or need” causes us to lose respect for ourselves. Deep down we know when we have taken advantage of a customer’s lack of knowledge, stole a coworker’s ideas, or taken full credit for something that others made contributions toward achieving. At some point, you will stop liking the man whose face you shave or the woman whose face you apply make-up to each morning.

So this week, remember that in getting from where you are today to where you plan to be tomorrow means making it about finding ways to help and encourage others.
Have a GREAT and profitable week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

Taking Charge Of Your Career

2010-04-12T09:48:00.002-05:00

Almost everyday we hear that some company is restructuring their pay, laying workers off and that the “Not Hiring” sign is still hanging on the door. Having been in the career services business for a quarter of a century, my wife and I are keenly aware of the stress and uncertainties many people (employed and those seeking employment face). Below is an excerpt from one of the handouts I use in working with displaced workers. Even if you haven’t been affected by restructuring, I’m sure you know someone who has.

Following the excerpt, I have reprinted some advice for the under-employed and those concerned about keeping their jobs that I wrote in a 2003 Monday Morning.

“Most experts believe that a person’s work not only represents the way they identify themselves, but serves as one of the strongest anchors in their lives. Job loss cuts that anchor and destabilizes every major area of life.“The work people do represents the way they express themselves, find fulfillment in the use of their skills and is the way they live out their passion and perceived purpose in life. Therefore, losing a job can mean a loss of income, security, standing in the community, and sense of self confidence and identity.

“While everyone’s situation is unique, most professionals agree that the following concepts are effective ways to reduce unhealthy stress.

“Monitor and modify your attitude. While it is natural to feel a range of emotions during periods of unemployment it is important that we avoid cynicism, depression and hopelessness from taking over our thinking. Rather than inventory the things that have been lost (status, income, etc) make an inventory of what is available for use in the next phase of life (experience, skills, training, family, etc). Think back over all the other unalterable circumstances you’ve been through. Then analyze how you worked through it. Often, during this exercise people report that for the first time they realized the situation proved to be “the best thing that could have happened…” in terms of their career, relationships and future. Many people find it helpful to talk with a career counselor or trusted mentor.

“Reconstruct your ability to trust. Often, job loss causes a person to mistrust their abilities, their peers, and those in management. It may be that the individual over-reached their ability to do a job, but that doesn’t mean they are incapable of using their skills or learning new ones. Coworkers might have failed them or a manager did not provide the type of leadership they could have. But that cannot be the primary focus of one’s thinking following a job loss. Mistrust breeds distrust which grows to contempt and paralyzes constructive actions.

“Establish and stick to a daily routine. Routine has been defined as being “habitually following a set life structure through which we find meaning and expression”. Work provides much of that structure for our lives. Job loss breaks the structure by interrupting the routine.“Establishing daily habits of networking, making calls, and sending résumés creates a vital, new, proactive structure (routine) for living. There will be days when feelings will war against these new habits. But it is important to stick to the new structure. Routine provides a sense of having taken charge of circumstances. As activity begins paying off in small successes self-confidence is rekindled, goals are further clarified and it is easier to conceive of and commit to new career objectives.”
From “Take Charge of Your Future After A Job Loss” © 2008 Robert Hidde
__________________________________________

“Every week I am privileged to talk with people about their careers and life situations. Over the years, I have found that many times situations are clarified or changed when three principles are applied
“Be aware of what you are doing and why you are doing it: A young man once complained about his job being "hum-drum". He compiled and edited reports for management. I asked him to explain why these reports were important. After a few minutes, he began to realize the importance of what he was doing and his attitude toward his work changed. Regardless of what you do, if remind yourself of the bigger picture - the importance of the outcomes that result from your work-- your work will take on new meaning and your enthusiasm for it will return.

“Be cognizant of your resources: Often we feel overwhelmed by a situation because do not feel that we have the resources to deal with it successfully. When you are faced with a situation take inventory of your resources. Chances are you will discover that there are people in your company, past experiences you've had or opportunities for self-education that will clarify how to deal with it constructively.

“Experience your past successes: Several years ago, my wife was division manager for a nation-wide company. One of the top producers in the division had fallen into a slump. After a few weeks, my wife visited with this person. It seems that this person’s immediate supervisor had tried to help by focusing on the things that were going wrong during presentations. My wife suggested that the former top producer tell her about some of her past successes and how they were accomplished. After hearing a couple of stories, she said, "I want you to review these in you mind everyday, and forget about your failures". Within a month the superstar producer was back on top. Moral: Don't get so focused on what is going wrong, remind yourself of what you've done right-and learn from that.”
From a 2003 Monday Morning
Have A GREAT and Profitable Week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

One Key Element Of High Achievement

2010-02-22T10:09:00.003-06:00

A few years ago, I was hired to coach a sales team whose performance had fallen drastically. I met individually with the sales people and discovered quickly that the problem wasn’t a lack of product knowledge. It wasn’t that the competition was better. It had nothing to do with a lack of prospective buyers.

The problem was that they had all attended an all day general public sales seminar a few months back. These multi-speaker meetings are great for firing up the troops but are usually short on specifics. Speaker after speaker hammered home the “general principle” that it took ten calls to get one appointment; three appointments to find a “qualified prospect” and three qualified prospects to generate one sales.

This ran contrary to the previously exemplary statistics this crew had established over the past five years. But the “experts” knew best, and for some reason these seasoned sales veterans accepted it—believing that the record they had established was a fluke that couldn’t be sustained. They lowered their expectations and the result was that their sales dropped substantially.

Charles Kettering, who headed research at General Motors for 27 years and also served as President of DELCO held 140 patients when he died in 1958. He once summed up the path to achievement with these words, “High achievement always takes place in the framework of high expectation."

Expectations provide us with anticipation of what will happen; a vision of what can or cannot be accomplished. Expectations help us chart our course into the future and is instrumental in how much staying power we have when the going gets tough. Expectations either activate or deactivate our motivation.

So, I ask you, what kind of expectations do you have? Perhaps, like the sales team I told you about you once performed at a higher level, but due to whatever reason you’ve lowered your expectations. Or maybe you have allowed past difficulties or peer pressure to dampen your enthusiasm for excellence, thus causing you to lower your expectations.

America was founded on great expectations and its future depends on the expectations we have for her future. The same is true of each of us.

That which we expect to happen shapes our thinking, affects what we believe about our abilities, potentials and futures, and sense of self and purpose.

Let me challenge you this week to examine what your expectations are, what type of vision they provide of your future, the direction they are charting your course and whether they are motivating you to live up to your God given abilities.
Have a great and profitable week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

What You "See" Is What You Get

2010-02-15T10:00:00.002-06:00

There was a story that circulated several years ago about a woman whose husband’s job required them to move to an arid part of the country, far from her hometown. She shared her feelings of isolation, loneliness and frustration in a letter to her father. The father wrote back:

Two men looked out of prison bars
One saw mud the other stars.

Two friends of mine and I attended the same event. One of them complained that he had not met any interesting people because everyone was “snobbish, stand-offish and unfriendly.” This was news to the other friend because he had made several new contacts for his business, as well as met someone who shared his passion for fly-fishing.

What was the difference? I think it was the attitude that these two men took with them to the event. Before leaving for the event the first man had made the statement that he probably didn’t have anything in common with the people he’d meet. The second man, though he could have had similar thoughts voiced a completely different outlook, “I’m sure I’ll meet some interesting people.”

The human mind wants us to be right! Therefore, it looks for evidence to prove that the preconceived notions we take into business or social situations were not wrong. If we tell ourselves that this client (or manager) will be hard to deal with then we subconsciously not only look for behaviors to validate our belief, we can also send out unconscious signals designed to elicit behaviors to confirm them.

We’ve all heard the story (true because it’s happened too often) about the veteran sales representative who came in demanding a new territory. “When I was assigned this territory,” he told his manager, “Everyone said it was full of problem accounts and no opportunity for new business; and they were right!”

The manager assigned the account to a new representative, one who hadn’t yet got to know the veterans well enough to be included in their water cooler complaints. Six months after taking over this worthless territory the young woman’s numbers were impressive. She had increased sales to existing accounts by 30% and acquired 15 new accounts! This, from a territory that was deemed a sales rep’s graveyard by everyone else.

She was dealing with the same people, the same companies and had the same number of none client businesses for prospects as previous salesmen. The difference? She went looking for opportunities instead of obstacles.

This week, stop yourself when you find yourself “looking for the bad” and remind yourself that the things you look for are usually the things you’ll get!
Have A GREAT and Profitable Week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

It Ain't Bragging If It Is True

2010-02-08T13:54:00.002-06:00

“Why should I buy from you instead of your competition?”
This question was posed to a group of sales people several years ago and got various responses.
“My company has the best value for the dollar.”
“We are one of the largest companies in the industry.”
“Our firm offers the widest options for investors available in the market today.”
“Because you get me!”

This last response caused a hush to come over the room and a sense of uneasiness settled on what had been a pretty lighthearted meeting Someone in the group demanded that he explain such an outrageous statement. His answer went something like this, “My company isn’t the biggest in the industry, nor is it the best known—in fact most folks will have never heard of it before they meet me. But a company is really a name on a letterhead that makes promises in a brochure…it is my job to make sure they keep those promises—and that’s what I specialize in—making sure you get the return on your investment that I told you to expect.”

During a break it was revealed that this man had led his company in sales for the past three years and was by far the most successful of all the participants. He also said that he used this “line” when people asked him what he did for a living and as part of his presentation to potential clients.

Regardless of the type of position you hold, your success depends to a large degree on how well you learn to promote yourself. I know that on the surface this seems to run contrary to everything we learned growing up when we were taught we shouldn’t “brag on ourselves”. I’m the first to agree that people detest arrogant, self-aggrandizing egotist. But true self-promotion is simply telling the truth in a way that makes you memorable.

Self-promotion has nothing whatsoever to do with “bragging” or “tooting” your own horn. It simply means communicating your message to the right person in a way that breaks through the human tendency to lump you in with everyone else in your line of work.

A few years ago, I was making cold telephone calls to senior managers in order to set up appointments to discuss consulting and training programs. On one particular call, I managed to navigate the automated directory and was connected to a real human being. The problem was the woman with whom I was connected was the secretary to the man I was calling. I’ll say this, she was a very good gate-keeper and when she finally put me through to her boss he was somewhat flabbergasted that I’d gotten past her. He quickly told me that he didn’t talk to sales people who called him cold and that if he wanted my services he would call me. Rather than retreat meekly, I said, “Before you go, let me compliment your assistant on her skills in keeping sales people from pestering you, however since I’m sure you have sales people who run into the same type of situations, doesn’t the fact that I got through to you on my first try prove that I may have something that could benefit your sales people?” He conceded the point and we made an appointment. Was what I said bragging or egotistical? No, I simply engaged in self-promotion by stating a fact—one which he couldn’t question since I was talking to him!

Over the years, I’ve talked to many people whose careers in accounting, engineering and countless other professions have stalled because they counted on other people to toot their horn for them. Times have changed, and unfortunately those you count on to toot your horn for you have their own agenda. Consider this true story. Carolyn was named Employee of the Month for her work on a special engineering project. Upon learning of the award her manager used her success to further his agenda, not hers by stating to upper management, “You know, when Carolyn came on board I saw potential in her that I thought I could bring out and this proves how good a judge of raw potential I am.” Her boss effectively stole the spotlight.

Sue, unlike Carolyn used the same award at the telecommunications she worked for as an opportunity for self-promotion. She sent emails to the executives that read in part, “I am truly gratified by being named Employee of the Month. I never would have dreamed this would happen when I began working here five years ago as a Customer Service Representative. Two years into my employment I was given responsibility for overseeing five team members and then, last year became supervisor over three five person teams. While I don’t know if it was my willingness to accept new challenges, the skills I’ve learned in handling customer problems or my ability to train new people that led to this award, rest assured that it is appreciated and that I will use it as a motivator to continue to strive for excellence.” This along with sending updates to them on projects she was working on helped get Sue back on the top brass’s radar and led to her being promoted three months later.

Here’s some ideas that can help keep your self promotion campaign from sounding like you are tooting your own horn:
1. Don’t simply recite your resume. Notice that Sue provided information in a story format
2. Keep it short and conversational—develop both a 30 second and a one to two minute presentation —people don’t want to read or listen to long-winded presentations
3. Keep it relevant—you should have several modules for your self promotion campaign, use only the parts that will fit the occasion. For example, in addition to professional effectiveness programs, my company specializes in outplacement, business consulting and individual career transition services. I would seldom include all these areas in talking to a potential outplacement client.
4. Keep it honest—if you can back it up, you aren’t bragging.
5. Don’t try to wing it—write it out, revise it, edit it, try it out on other people and then use it to good advantage.
Have a great and PROFITABLE week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

What IS Possible? It's Pretty Much Up To You!

2010-02-01T11:03:00.003-06:00

Can any of us really say that we have reached the pinnacle in our personal, professional or spiritual lives? Certainly, most of us have achieved a degree of success and in many cases we have won the applause of our peers. We may even be the envy of others in our profession, but does that mean that we have exhausted all the wonderful possibilities that exist for us?

Several decades ago, Dale Carnegie reminded us that “We all have possibilities we don't know about. We can do things we don't even dream we can do.” Which simply means that no matter how far up the ladder we have risen or even how far down the ladder we may have slid, we all within us the ability to dream new dreams and set new visions of what our lives can become and the contributions we can make to our family, our companies and the world around us.

All worthwhile goals involve daring to aspire to new heights. When we aspire to new heights we begin to think Robert Browning, who stated without fear of contradiction that “Our aspirations are our possibilities.”

I do not know how many times I have been approached after making a speech or conducting a workshop by people who have said that their possibilities are limited for one reason or another. Upon examination, the problem in most cases was that they had allowed someone or some circumstance to smother the aspirations that they had, thus obscuring not only their own possibilities but any hope they may have had of attaining them.

If you’re one of those people who see possibilities but dismiss them I suggest you write the words of one of America’s great business leaders on a card and refer to it several times a day. That leader, Henry Ford who once told an audience, “I cannot discover that anyone knows enough to say definitely what is and what is not possible.”

Now, you might be asking, just how do I go about allowing my goals to open my mind to new possibilities? Well, if your goal is something that has grabbed you, and it is something that is based on an aspiration that will be beneficial to not only yourself, your family and other people then all you need to do is to unleash the creative power of your subconscious mind.

The very fact that your mind has grasp this goal indicates that you have within you the capacity to not only conceive it but to define and refine it into something attainable. Now this will not happen overnight, and sometimes that which we originally hoped to achieve becomes modified as we progress toward it and we see bigger possibilities..

Finally, I am sure that most of you are like me, during your career you have seen great possibilities and set goals only to encounter difficulties, opposition and setbacks. Perhaps you have even thrown in the towel and given up or decided to simply settle for less than your heart told you use to settle for. My old friend, Norman Vincent Peale once pointed out that “lots of people limit their possibilities by giving up too easily.” And in the face of adversity, discouragement, opposition and setbacks he urged us to “become a possibilitarian…No matter how dark things seem to be or actually are, raise your sights and see possibilities -- always see them, for they're always there.”

Opening our minds to new possibilities not only helps us define and refine new and exciting goals it also provides us with a renewal of determination to get up and try again when life or circumstances seems to have knocked us down.

This idea of seeing possibilities and setting goals to empower us is not a new concept. Indeed, it isn’t even a product of the capitalist system. In fact, Epictetus, who was an eminent Stoic philosopher, born as a slave at Hieropolis in Phyrgia in 55 AD. Reminded his followers to “First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.”
Have a great and profitable week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

Are You An Overthinker or An Overcomer?

2010-01-25T09:13:00.003-06:00

I have been writing Monday Morning for several years. Regardless of the topic of the week, it is primarily written to remind you that you are greater than any problem confronting you. Capable of handling any adversity you are facing, bigger than any obstacle before you, and worthy of the deeply held dreams you have been given for your life.

Now, I can hear someone say, “That’s easy enough for you to say, but you don’t know what I having to deal with. You’re not in my situation. If you had to walk a mile in my shoes, you’d not say such things.”

To this my response is that there are two forces at work in your life, faith and fear. It is up to us to decide which of these forces are unleashed in our lives.

Obviously, this is not intended to be a religious column, but sometimes the stories many of us learned in Sunday School serve a twofold purpose in later life. To a person of faith, they serve to reinforce their beliefs; to a non-believer these stories can, like stories from other literature teach a valuable life lesson.

On this subject of faith and fear, there is one story that stands out in my mind. Remember the story of Jesus walking on the water? Peter stepped out of the boat and began walking toward him. Then we are told that he began to sink because he “saw the waves and heard the crashing waves” around him and was filled with fear.

Now, most of us know that story don’t we? Peter was doing what was seemingly impossible, until he began to focus on the things going on around him. He was mentally distracted from the faith centered, confidence producing power that enabled him to get where he was. He began thinking, “What am I doing out here in the middle of this sea? Everybody knows you can’t do what I am doing. Look at the size of these waves, it must be blind luck that I’ve gotten this far without being knocked down by one. And even if I make it to where Jesus is, how am I going to get back to the boat?”

You get the gist of this type of thinking don’t you? As long as Peter’s mind was centered on the source of his confidence he was full of the faith needed to attempt the impossible, but when he began to focus on all the obstacles, the potential problems that could befall him, and the heap of trouble he would be in if those things materialized, his fear overwhelmed his faith and he began to sink.

My father used to say that there were two kinds of people in the world, overcomers and overthinkers. An overcomer is a person who dares to step out of the boat when they catch the vision of what they can become; and start walking—despite the winds and waves—and walk the seeming impossible walk.

An overthinker is the person who, catching the vision of what they can become starts looking at all the reasons it can’t happen, won’t happen and becomes overwhelmed by their fears, which colors their thinking, paralyzes their actions and limits their potential.

Stepping out of that boat, Peter was thinking like an overcomer. When he started thinking about all the potential hazards around him, and what could happen, he became an overthinker. Now, I often wonder when I read that story what would have happened had Peter not become an overthinker and allowed his fears to overwhelm him.

How far could he have walked? Had he walked all the way to the shore how would that have affected him and his potential? According to the story, Jesus got him back to the boat—the place he started from—could it be that giving counsel to our fears is the reason we never seem to get away from where we keep finding ourselves? Could that be the reason that even when we step out in confidence and begin moving toward our dreams that we eventually wind up back where we started?

Well, you may be saying, how do I become an overcomer instead of an overthinker? Let me give you a simple principle that most of the overcomers I’ve known follow.

They follow Davy Crockett’s motto. According to reliable sources, Davy Crockett lived by the motto, “Be sure you are right, then go ahead.” If we live by those words it means that we make sure that the goals we are striving for are those that are not only what’s best for us, but will benefit others as well.

When we are sure that the dream we are pursuing is the right dream for us, then it’s time to stop overthinking, step out of the boat and begin becoming an overcomer.
Have a GREAT and profitable week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

Choose To Be Happy!

2010-01-11T10:00:00.001-06:00

For years now, my daughter’s typical response when my grandchildren start to whine about something has been, “Choose to be happy!” And indeed, that is sage advice for not only whiny children but also for each of us.

Choosing to be happy means that we refuse to justify being unhappy. Sure, there are lots of things we can use to justify being unhappy. Life can seem unfair. Things don’t always go as we hoped. Plans get derailed by circumstances beyond our control. Events sometimes take sudden and unexpected turns. People we were counting on let us down. The question is never whether these things happen, rather it is how we choose to respond to them.

Refusing to justify being unhappy doesn’t deny the unexpected setback happened or reject the reality of a serious problem, nor does it mean that we deny reality. What it does mean is that we face the situation squarely, do what we can about it and then rather than fretting or obsessing over it, we look for reasons to justify being happy.

These reasons might be found in the situation itself. As many of you know, one of my favorite stories has to do with Thomas Edison’s response to his laboratory burning down. According to witnesses, Edison, standing there watching the inferno said, “All our mistakes have been burned up.” Naturally, Edison wasn’t happy to see years of work destroyed. What I think he meant was that by having to start anew, they would not be relying on preconceived ideas or flawed data. He was happy to have the opportunity to begin again.

At times, the reason we find to be happy is outside the situation. By focusing on the good things in our lives we not only deflect unhappiness, we give ourselves a healthy dose of perspective. Several years ago I was helping a friend move some furniture. He had rented a truck which we carefully loaded, making sure the load was balanced. Unfortunately, we failed to properly tie down a heavy piece of furniture. The first time we made a turn the piece shifted to the left. This caused everything around it to also move. The result was that the entire load was now on the left side creating a dangerous imbalance.

Too often we allow ourselves to become so focused on difficulties that our mental load shifts. When this happens we find ourselves tilting heavily toward negativity and cynicism. Unless we rebalance our load we create the conditions for perpetual unhappiness, and a sense of futility.

Closely aligned with choosing to be happy is choosing your direction. A psychologist once told me that much of the unhappiness people experience comes from not having clearly defined goals. Now, he wasn’t talking about lofty goals like making a million dollars or driving a Porsche. As he explained it, most unhappy people just drifted through life and, as he put it, “when you drift through life you are at the mercy of everything that comes along, the result being they never seem to get anywhere.” Then he added, “When a person has a sense of direction, they are like a running back who keeps his feet moving after the first tackler hits him. By doing so, he is using what momentum he had to push forward for an extra yard or even break the tackle for a long run.”

Finally, choose to replace self defeating behavior with self-defining behavior. We all have some personality trait that is self defeating. Often these traits have become deeply ingrained and become the cause of unhappiness. We can replace them by putting the power of the “act as if” principle to work for you. William James, the father of modern psychology systemized this principle and demonstrated its life altering power in his work with patients. The “act as if” principle simply states that if you want to acquire a certain trait, act as if you already have it. This isn’t as easy as it sounds, but if practiced consistently you will find that the old self-defeating traits will be replaced by the traits you seek to possess.

So, choose to be happy! And have a great and profitable week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

Resolutions Worth Making...And Keeping

2010-01-04T09:49:00.002-06:00

Parts of this Monday Morning appeared in January 2005. But it is worth repeating.

How are you greeting the first week of 2010?
Is it— Well, the holidays are over and its time to get back to the old grindstone, same old people and same old everything—when’s my next three day week-end?

Or is it—I’m off and running on the first week of the exciting 52 week program I’ve designed for myself that will lead to bigger and better things!

The progress we make toward greater success depends in large part in the momentum we generate at the beginning. If I were advising you on some New Year’s Resolutions, the first would be to Begin Every Week With Momentum, not only will it help get you off to a good start, but when you run into difficulties (which are inevitable) your momentum will help carry you through.

If the first resolution I would recommend to you for 2010 is Begin Every Week With Momentum, the second resolution would be Keep Your Momentum Going. Once you get started your momentum will carry you a long way, but unless you periodically renew your momentum the bumps along the way can slow and eventually stall your progress. How do you keep your momentum going? Many people blame loss of momentum on running into an unexpected obstacle or difficult individual. In examining my own experiences I have discovered that 99% of the time, I lost momentum not because of an unexpected problem but because of the way I responded to it. Don’t let events, people or setbacks get into your head because they sap your mental energies—deal with problem people and situations quickly, regain your focus and move forward.

Here are a few other resolutions you might want to consider for 2010.

Be Nice To Everyone. George G. Gellert, Chairman of Atalanta Corporation (a multinational food importer specializing in meat, cheese, groceries, fruit juice concentrates and fish products from around the world) found that this paid big dividends. Arriving in Taiwan on a business trip, he was met by a man who introduced himself as his driver for the day. This man looked and acted like a chauffeur. In route to the hotel, he drove Gellert around town and pointed out things of interests. Gellert, who makes it a point to be nice to everyone, enjoyed his time with the chauffeur and took a conversational interest in him during the trip. That evening, Gellert discovered that his chauffeur was actually the owner of the company he wanted to do business with. So, when you meet somebody, always be nice to them—you never really know who they are or who they may know.

Don’t Waste “Earning Time”. I have some very good friends that I enjoy spending time with, but I don’t do it during what I call “earning time”. Earning time is those hours when you should be taking care of business, advancing your agenda or moving projects forward. Many people waste the first half hour at the office because they focus on personal conversations rather than getting things in motion for a productive day. They do the same with the last half hour of the day, rather than putting the finishing touches on their plan for tomorrow, they are busy setting up meetings for drinks or dinner after work. Others linger too long over lunch, or spend earning time doing things that don’t produce a return for them or their company. You may survive doing this, but you’ll never really thrive or realize your full potential until you stop wasting your own (and other peoples) earning time.
Stay Focused. Start each day with a set of priorities that you want to either accomplish or move to the next level. When distractions arise, don’t let them make you loose focus on those things you deem most important—deal with distractions, delay them or delegate them.

Follow Your Instincts In Business Dealings. This doesn’t mean you should not seek advice or disregard the opinions of other people. Nor does it mean that you shouldn’t take time to do your research. What it means is that once you feel you’ve gather all the pertinent information and weighed the options don’t be afraid to listen to that little voice in your head. That little voice, your instinct is your education and training guided by experience promoting your self interest.

Fire Yourself Every Morning! No one would think about going into an important meeting without some preparation, but too many of us rush into the day without preparing our minds. Instead of rushing into the office (or to that first appointment) at the last minute, get up a little earlier and get prepared. Let me tell you how I “fire myself”. My day usually begins between 4:30 and 5 AM, I have quiet time, review my schedule and pray for God’s guidance to do my best, I also put in a word on behalf of those I know I’ll be seeing that day (God knows they’ll need patience to deal with me). I usually watch the Bloomberg Business and Financial Report on television (it helps focus my mind on business), if time permits I read something motivational. I always select my “Quote For The Day”, an inspirational quote for the day which I write on a card and carry with me. By the time I’m out the door, I’m focused and have the fires of enthusiasm, confidence and momentum burning.

Dream About The Future, Work In The Present. I once heard a wise man say, “Every business man should have two businesses. The one he plans to head someday and the one he runs today. By working like the dickens at the one he has today, he’ll wind up head of the dream business someday.” The same can be said of every sales person, manager or employee. Don’t be afraid to dream (not daydream) but remember that it is by staying focused on today’s tasks that you will eventually make tomorrows dream a reality.

Don’t Make Excuses. Excuses come in all types and sizes, and we’ve all used them at one time or another. But in most cases the old saying about an excuse being nothing but “a lie wrapped in the skin of reason” proves to be true. In truth, there are times when we all miscalculate, misunderstand or fail to perform as we should. When we are called on it, it is much better to take responsibility, admit our error, state what we have done to correct it and explain (sans smoke and mirrors) how we won’t let it happen again (the last two things very important!).

Don’t Be A Whiner! Whining is a form of self-pity and shows a lack of maturity in dealing with situations and differences with other people or their mistakes. Whining disrupts an organization, distracts people from important matters and is often an attempt to create an “us against them” mentality among coworkers. Even it you have a valid complaint, it’s better to present ideas to strengthen the organization by fixing the real problem than to just complain about it.

Set New Standards Of Excellence For Everything You Do. A favorite quote of mine that I often use in speeches comes from Pat Riley, the great NBA coach, “Excellence is the gradual result of always striving to be better.” Raise the bar of excellence everyday and by the time you complete your 52 week program for greater success, you’ll be amazed at your results.
Have A GREAT and profitable week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

It Will Be Over In Just A Few Days...

2009-12-21T15:16:00.002-06:00

Well, in a few days the wrapping paper will be strewn on the floor. The kids and grandkids will be playing with their new toys while we older folks secretly wish we were down there on the floor with them. In many cases, families will be gathered around tables loaded with enough food to feed three times as many people and kinfolks will renew acquaintance with relatives they haven’t seen in months.

I recall attending one of several Christmas parties a few years back and I overhearing someone say that by the time the “big day” rolls around she was going to be a cross between the Grinch and Scrooge. This time of year can be very exasperating. There are parties for the entire office, the department, professional association parties, networking group parties, and parties at the homes of friends. Then there’s looking for gifts for people who are impossible to buy for (my wife), trying to get your hands on that hot new toy that your children or grandchildren just have to have, addressing cards, making travel plans, coordinating everyone’s schedule, and wrapping presents. And of course, we still a job to do whether it’s managing a department, leading a team, making sales calls, getting reports out…it is no wonder that so many of us have trouble sustaining the Christmas spirit!

All this scurrying around to get things done, meet deadlines and do it while trying to make ends meet doesn’t mean that we have to turn into either a Grinch or a Scrooge. Like life itself, this season has built into it intangibles that can refresh our minds, renew our vibrancy and revive our spirits. But like all the other seasons of our lives, we have to look for these things because they are easily obscured by pressures and demands.

One of these intangibles is people. A few years ago, an association of which I have served as president the past year had scheduled its Christmas party at a very nice restaurant for the noon hour. That morning had been full of mentally exhausting tasks, and frankly I dreaded fighting the traffic to get to the party. When I arrived I was running late and the parking lot seemed full. After driving around a couple of times I finally found a place to park. I rushed across the parking lot and into the restaurant convinced that I wouldn’t have a good time and silently cursing myself for not making excuses that would have gotten me out of attending the party. Then the hostess ushered me in and I saw the warm and friendly faces of people I had come to know and appreciate. In that moment all my tension faded and for an hour and a half I found an oasis from the problems of the day and pressures of the season.

Another intangible that can restore our equilibrium during this busy season is the joy of giving. Every year the Philtower Building where I office puts up an Angel Tree and I select a name and try to fulfill their Christmas wishes. Now granted, some of these kids want things that I wouldn’t buy my own grandchildren! But I select the child based on what they want (not how much it costs, but how practical it is). This year I selected a one year old girl whose mother had only listed three things: a walking toy, a coat and a pair of shoes. Not knowing what a walking toy was, I dispatched my wife to find one, which she did. She purchased the coat and shoes, and then bought the little girl gloves and several outfits. As I placed these items in the bag provided and stapled the Angel Tree tag on it, I felt a sense of joy and warmth and I was reminded that this season is about giving to others, those we know and even those we don’t know.

Other intangibles include the bright lights and colorful decorations, the soothing music of the season, the smile on a child’s face, and the individual significance that years of memories have provided for us.

Perhaps the greatest intangible this season provides is a sense of hope and anticipation. Since the purpose of Monday Morning is not to be a religious forum, I will simply say that to people of faith this season celebrates hope and anticipation above all the other things associated with the season.

But for people with little or no religious faith this season also represents new hope and anticipation because Christmas day comes one week before we turn the page on a new year. A new year that offers us fresh opportunities to fulfill our dreams and that gives us hope of a better future. Someone once said that when our hope is renewed we find renewed vigor to change, to carry on and to achieve.

I read a story many years ago about a little boy with a bag walking on the seashore. He came upon a middle aged man who was also walking on the shore. The man, obviously weighed down with concerns asked the boy what he had in the bag. The boy began pulling out seashells of various sizes and colors. Suddenly fascinated by the beauty of the shells, the man asked, “Where did you find these beautiful shells.” The little boy innocently replied, “They are all over the place, you just have to look for them.” And with those words the boy bent down and picked three new shells out of the sand at the man’s feet and handed them to him.

Yes, this time of year can be full of activities and pressures that can consume our time and drain our energies, but it is also filled with “seashells” that can refresh our minds, renew our vibrancy and revive our spirits if we simply take the time to find them.

May your Christmas season be filled with peace, joy and renewed vibrancy.
Robert Hidde

"We're Supposed To Win!" Yankee's Mgr. Joe Girardi

2009-12-14T09:29:00.004-06:00

I’ve spent alot of time over the past couple of weeks talking to managers and company leaders about what they need as they enter 2010. Expecting to hear things like, “better education or trained people” or “a more diverse workforce” I was somewhat taken aback by the responses. Three that most typify the answers I got are:
“My people are discouraged by the business climate, so they need to learn to respond to it more proactively.”

“The sales and support people who came on board between 1991 and 2007 had never faced real challenges before, they need to learn to stop blaming everything on the economy, suck it up and become real winners.”

“Unfortunately, most of our older managers took early retirement in February and March. This left us with some bright, highly educated younger managers but they grew up in an environment that seems to have taught them that having a competitive spirit is a bad thing; that the old “win-win” that drove our economic engine in the 80’s and 90’s means making everybody happy—not making deals good for both sides through hardnosed negotiating.”

Well, I got to thinking about the situation and spent most of this weekend developing a talk (which will be expanded to a half day seminar) titled, “Winning Is Everything…When You Do It Right!” I know that’s a take off on Vince Lombardi’s famous, “Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing.” I also know from my reading of Lombardi, that he meant winning must be done fairly and ethically. Frankly, while I’ve found fulfillment in doing other career related programs, I’ve really missed standing before a group of bright folks and challenging them to catch a vision of what can be, rather than what is and “play like the champions” they can become.”

Developing a winning attitude, especially in this economy begins with learning to have positive emotions, which according to Neuro psychologist Richard Davidson at the University of Wisconsin provides the foundation needed to create the mental environment for emotional stability and better health in general. His work and that of several others in the field have shown that individuals who consistently choose a positive mindset are less likely to be stymied or become depressed in the face of negative influences.

Martin Seligman, former president of The American Psychological Association has written that “Literally hundreds of studies show that pessimists give up more easily and get depressed more often. These experiments also show that optimists do much better in school and college, at work and on the playing fields…their health is unusually good. They age well, much freer than most of us from the usual physical ills of middle age. Evidence suggest they may even live longer.”

A few years ago, I read an article by Lee Jampolsky, Ph.D. entitled, Exceptional Thinking Makes Exceptional Employees: How to Encourage Positive Thinking to Increase Productivity. In the article he points out that “Often attitude is the element that separates the average employee from an exceptional one. Yet, in business today, most employers do not emphasize the need for a positive attitude, nor do they provide their employees with the appropriate training they need to understand the importance of a ‘can do’ attitude.

Have A GREAT and profitable week...
Robert Hidde

An Objective That Can Revolutionize Your Life in 2010

2009-12-07T08:33:00.005-06:00

It’s that time of year when most of us begin creating lists of goals for next year. It is also when many of us crowd into office supply houses, search online and through catalogues for improved “time management” and planning tools, and visit with other folks to find out what’s worked for them so we can be planned, organized and ready to hit the ground running on January second.

Annual goals are important. They give us a target to shoot for, they provide us with a challenge, and if structured properly they motivate us to stretch ourselves to achieve them. But once again, you have to find what works for you, within the context of who you are, what you really want to accomplish, what the company you work for expects of you and what “motivates” you.

If you’re like me, you’ve run the gambit of goal setting and planning tools. When I started managing a company in the early 70’s, I got into what I call time micromanagement. Every Saturday I would lock myself in my office and review a lengthy To-Do List, then plan out the week in 10 minute blocks. Every minute of every week on my calendar was carefully planned and success was ensured. NOT!!!

Problem number one: My calendar didn’t have room for those pesky interruptions from people who always thought their problem was more important than my time management plan. Problem number two: My calendar didn’t always anticipate the incompetence of others in not getting stuff to me so I could complete the project on Wednesday between 1:PM and 2:PM (I mean, getting sick shouldn’t be a excuse for someone not having the information to me when I needed it!). Which brings us to problem number three: My own mind and body didn’t always check the calendar (What am I doing with the flu this week, it wasn’t scheduled until two weeks from yesterday? Why am I having a “mental melt down today, that’s not scheduled until next month?). You get the picture. Over the years I experimented with lots of different systems until I found what works for me.

Hopefully, you've also found what works best for you. Regardless of how you set goals or manage your time, As you begin setting goals and planning for next year, I’d like to urge you to consider incorporating an objective that can revolutionize your life.

Identify five centers of influence with whom you’d like to become acquainted. A center of influence is not necessarily a prospect to buy your product, nor is that person always in a direct position to advance your career. A center of influence is a simply person who is in a position to help open doors through advice, sharing information, or making introductions and referrals.

Most people are convinced of the truth of the old maxim “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know that counts.” I haven’t met many people who would disagree with that adage, but it is amazing to me how many of those same people don’t really practice what it teaches. Year after year these people expend vast amounts of time and effort to “network” but it doesn’t seem to return optimal results.

There is a natural tendency for people to feel comfortable with people who are like them. But those who are content to limit their networking efforts to people at their own level find it difficult to move past a certain level of success. In order to move to the next level it is often necessary to find ways to cultivate long-term relationships with individuals at a higher level than we are. So, make it a priority to identify at least five individuals whom you would not necessarily consider “networking” with and get acquainted with them.

Several years ago, I became acquainted with an engineer for an oil company headquartered in Tulsa. He was not yet 40 years old, yet he shared the same title as men (sorry ladies) at least ten years older. He often told how he came to be the “fair-haired boy” of the organization. It seems that when he first started with the company he spent a lot of time in the field. During that time he became friends with the workers (not just nodding acquaintances, but friends). He knew riggers, jobbers, superintendents—you name the position, he knew them. He moved up the corporate ladder fairly quickly and one day he was assigned to work on a project. The more he studied the project, the more uncomfortable he became. The concept looked good on paper but lacked practicality. Because of his relationship with the men in the field, he was able (without divulging the particulars of the project) to call them and ask the questions that he needed answered. His managers didn’t care for the fine tuning he did on their pet project, but he was able to convince one man to let him proceed with an alternative approach. The result was that Senior Management selected his approach to solving the problem, and the rest, as they say became history. He always closed his story by saying that if he hadn’t taken the time to build the kind of relationships many people in his position neglected, he would not have been able to get the answers he needed.

I became acquainted with a successful luxury car salesman who considered copier sales people as an important part of his network. His reasoning was that these folks were out meeting with business men and women who were often upwardly mobile and becoming successful.

Another acquaintance of mine sold telephone systems. She cultivated building engineers and maintenance men (the people who run the heading systems, etc) as part of her network because the engineer usually knew in advance who was moving into the building (and how much space they would be leasing, which gave her a clue as to their requirements).

Until next week, have a great and profitable week!!!
Robert D. Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

The Art of Appreciation

2009-11-23T09:12:00.001-06:00

At this Thanksgiving season, with all that has happened during the past year, it is important in anything we do not to exaggerate our fears, to fill our minds with faith and confidence, and to learn as much as possible about what we are doing, it is imperative that we PRACTICE THE ART OF APPRECIATION.

My father was a minister known for lacing his sermons with stories (before story telling was either common or acceptable). Born in 1910, he came into full manhood during the dark days of the depression. During that time, he lived in a rural area of Arkansas. I vividly recall one story he used to tell about a group of farmers who were gathered near a hog pen talking about the difficult times they were facing.

Each man recited his litany of woes about prices being down, failing crops and the difficulties of making ends meet. One of the farmers turned to an older man, who hadn’t said much up to this point and asked, “What do you think, Charlie?” Charlie looked out toward the hog pen, took a deep draw on his hand rolled cigarette and replied, “I think our problem is that we’re too much like them hogs. Look at ‘em out there rooting around that tree in the middle of the pen looking for fruit. They just take it for granted that there’s gonna be fruit on the ground and get so busy looking for the fruit that they never look up to appreciate where the fruit comes from.”

Dad’s point was that we needed to do more than “root around looking for the fruit”, we needed to also look up and appreciate the source of the fruit we so often took for granted. Then he’d say, “when we do that, it calms our fears and gives us the courage to keep on because we know that even if we don’t have everything we want, we’ll have what we need to take it one day at a time.”

Practicing the art of appreciation, makes us aware of how circumstances have worked in our lives. If you have found your passion, practicing appreciation provides a sense of destiny because it helps you see how seemingly unrelated experiences have come together at a crucial point—experiences that have enabled you to have the skills and confidence necessary to do the things you are doing.

I recall a remarkable woman who worked for five years as a janitor for a large corporation. During that time, a couple of managers encouraged her to apply for an opening in the mail room. To her amazement, she got the job. Then she moved into customer service and eventually became customer service manager.

When she retired, she said “There’s not a day goes by that I don’t take time to remember and appreciate those days of dumping trash and scrubbing toilets because that job helped position me to take the steps necessary to fulfill my destiny in life.”

In practicing the art of appreciation we also need to take time to appreciate those who have been influential in our lives. I know a man who keeps a notebook filled with the names of such people, complete with a brief biography of the person’s career and notes on how that person has inspired, coached or helped him. Even though he is very busy, he makes time to review this notebook and often writes brief letters of appreciation to them. He says this not only helps him stay connected with them, it also reminds him of where he came from and makes him appreciate what he has achieved to this point in his career.

Finally, practice the art of appreciating the little things around you. As we rush from one meeting to another, hustling to meet a never ending series of deadlines and obligations it is easy to feel overwhelmed by the pace of life.

Several years ago, I had one of overwhelming days. We were planning to leave for the farm for Thanksgiving. Our plan is to leave on Saturday, spend a couple of days at the farm and then drive to Texas to spend Thanksgiving week with our daughter.

Friday morning, I was scurrying around trying to wrap up loose ends, as well as deal with unanticipated interruptions. At 2 PM, I rushed home to finish packing and begin loading for the journey. I was physically tired and mentally frayed. We live in an older neighborhood where all the garages are detached.

As I dashed from the garage to the back gate my eyes fell on my wife’s flower garden. I stopped, transfixed as I gazed at a thick array of yellow and white flowers (which I learned were baby mums). I had never noticed them before and a sense of wonder and tranquility swept over me. While I stood contemplating these little flowers, blooming so beautifully in late November.

I also became aware of two squirrels playing on the ground and the words of a song made popular several years ago “I thought to myself, what a wonderful world” came to mind. As I appreciated these little things, all the pressures and concerns that go along with what I do merged into a bigger picture and I again realized that over the years circumstances have brought the right experiences and people into my life as I have been guided by what seems to be an unseen hand.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t add that we should practice the art of appreciation for what we’ve accomplished, for the opportunities that are ahead, and of course, for those closest to us who have loved us in spite of ourselves, encouraged us when we were down, and stood by us when others doubted us. This is the Season of Thanksgiving, can you think of a better week to begin practicing the art of appreciation?
Have A GREAT and Blessed Thanksgiving!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

The Right Kind Of Knowledge Empowers

2009-11-16T10:04:00.001-06:00

Sir Francis Bacon wrote that “Knowledge is power.” There are times that empowering ourselves by acquiring the knowledge necessary to maximize the chances of success when we find our passion means getting the right type of formal education. During this economic downturn, many people are returning to the classroom to complete degrees or pursue an advanced degree.

There are other times when the education we need to optimize the chances for success in following our passion simply requires strengthening certain areas where we are lacking. Let me tell you about a man I met many years ago. In addition to a degree in business, he had a passion for golf and a dream of opening a golf specialty store. For several years he scrimped and saved until he had the necessary funds to rent retail space, order stock and have a grand opening. At first things went pretty well for him, then problems set in. He quickly discovered that the city he lived in wasn’t big enough to support the type of store he envisioned, so in an effort to appeal to the average duffer, he brought in less expensive equipment. Then a couple of major discount chains moved in and he was forced to close.

“That was the happiest four years of my life” he confided, “I was happy even during the lean times when I was doing all the work because I couldn’t afford employees.” I asked him what he would do differently if he tried it again. “It’s not a question of IF I try it again,” he said, “It’s a question of WHEN I try it again.” He explained that his problem the first time was that he followed his passion without educating himself about the realities of retailing and not knowing the competition. To prepare himself to “do it right” the next time he follows his passion he was working as a retail manager for a well known discount company and continuing to build relationships with people in the golfing equipment industry.

The last time I heard from him, he told me he had the money he needed to start over, that he had been researching cities and planned to relocate to either Dallas or Houston before opening his new store. Then he added, “If I had taken the time, even after I opened the first store, to educate myself a little better about the market and the competitive arena, I would have probably still been in business because I would have done things differently.”

Sometimes the education we need to get the most out of our passion means additional formal education, at other times it simply requires that we gain some practical experience in areas we need to strengthen. But many times the only education we need is to apply ourselves to mastering those things that have made others successful.

This can be done in any number of ways including investing in seminars, workshops, books and tapes. Attending programs, reading books and listening to tapes allows you to study how successful people in the field have achieved their success and adapt what they have done to your activities. Naturally, you will also want to turn your existing knowledge of what you are doing into expertise by keeping up to date on advances and other pertinent information.

It is also very important to educate yourself about the people you will be dealing with and their concerns. If you are in sales, this means understanding your target market’s business, the typical buying process and how they like to be “sold”. If you are in a corporate environment, then you need to learn as much as possible about the departments you interact with and how your work contributes to their success, as well as the overall success of the company.

Finally, you can help educate yourself by finding a good mentor, someone who has achieved success and is willing to be both a sounding board for ideas and coach you in your career development.

When you find your passion, you can overcome the fear that you’ll not succeed by feeding your faith in your abilities while not exaggerating your fears, and empowering yourself by taking the steps necessary to increase your confidence through the power of acquired knowledge.
Have a great and profitable week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

Begin Astonishing Yourself With These Simple Steps

2009-11-09T09:16:00.005-06:00

Thomas A. Edison (1847-1931) the inventive genius whose company, during the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries, developed and patented many of the inventions that laid the groundwork for the conveniences we take for granted today was a man who overcame may adversities. For example, his formal education lasted only three months, many people thought him to be learning disabled, and early in his life he started experiencing deafness.

This man, who overcame so much to become America’s most prolific inventor knew how to live life to its fullest by making the most of himself. What was his secret? He once wrote “If we did all the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astonish ourselves!”

Last week, I urged you to try to live life to the fullest and told you about Jim, a man I met several years ago who practiced selective focus. Today, I want to give you a couple of more principles for living life to its fullest.

A very important element for living life to its fullest, no matter what your reality might be—is to stop complaining! My mother used to have a saying about people who were constant complainers—you may have heard it too—she would say, “So and so would complain about counting hundred dollar bills on the halves!”

Complaining compounds the problem in our mind. You see, when we allow our focus to be preoccupied with only the negativity around us is that it is human nature to talk about what we are focused on. The more we talk about it, the bigger it grows in our mind. The bigger it grows in our mind, the less room we have for constructive thinking and solutions.

We’ve all known people whose outlook and attitude has been colored by some event in their lives. Regardless of what the conversation or occasion, they will find ways to complain about what they consider to be the unfairness of life, the injustice done to them or the circumstances they are in. When it first happens, we try to be supportive, but after we heard the same negative diatribe several times, we begin to dread being around that individual.

Living life to its fullest means realizing that this old world wasn’t created just for our benefit and that other people are not here to make us happy. We begin to understand that this world will continue to be what it is—but not necessarily fair. This allows us to meet adversity calmly and creatively.

Another thing about selective focusing in order to live life to its fullest no matter what, means that we begin being for things and not just against things. Certainly, there are many things we need to be against—crime, drugs, racism, immorality, we all have our lists of things we’re against. But what we need to learn to do is focus on reframing our opposition in positive terms. For example, instead of railing against crime be for those things you feel would make a positive impact on fighting crime—perhaps better educational opportunities for troubled youth, more officers on the streets. Instead of ranting about how unfair your boss at work or your mother-in-law is—focus on ways to improve the relationship or change the dynamic that is causing the problem.

Researchers tell us that when we expend time vehemently denouncing the things we are against we are burn up vital energy and find ourselves depressed, overly tired and stressed. But when we focus on solutions we begin to generate positive solutions, exciting options and this produces hope, enthusiasm and personal energy. And with those things going for us, we begin challenging our self-imposed boundaries and begin to astonish ourselves!
Have a GREAT and profitable week,
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

Live Life To Its Fullest With Selective Focus!

2009-11-02T09:04:00.003-06:00

Let me tell you about a man I knew several years ago, we’ll call him Jim. During the first twenty-five years of his career, Jim had steadily progressed in the company he worked for. The track he was on would land him in one of the executive offices within three years.

Then the company sold to an overseas company. As so often happens the buyer began selling off parts of the old business to raise capital and recoup part of their investment. Jim’s unit was sold and he found himself in his mid-fifties, three children in college, a mortgage and the other types of expenses that are common to everyone, rich or poor—and without a job.

Now, in my profession I work with people in Jim’s circumstances all the time, and often they are cynical, negative and filled with trepidation. But Jim didn’t come across that way. He appeared calm, focused and optimistic about the future. At first I thought he was putting on a good front, however after our third meeting it became apparent that his demeanor and attitude were genuine.
Curious about his secret for such serenity in his situation, I asked him how he achieved it. I was so impressed by his answer that I wrote it down as soon as our session ended. Here is what he told me, in his own words as closely as I could recall them.

“Years ago,” he said “I attended a seminar for new managers. At that seminar the presenter told us that reality is too big for us to comprehend fully at one time. Even the reality that I am living in now has so many elements, consequences and perspectives that I can’t keep every aspect of it in focus at once. Because of this I must choose which part of reality to focus my attention on at any given moment.”

He pointed a painting on the wall to my left and said, “What is that?”

“A painting of the Tulsa skyline,” I replied.

“Well, that’s your reality,” he said, “but when I focus on it I see an oil painting of the Arkansas River flowing lazily in the foreground of the city.”

Then he continued, “That painting is just like any reality. There are buildings, trees, the river, a bridge, a jogging trail, clouds and sky. When you looked at that painting you focused in on the reality of the buildings, when I looked at it, I focused on the reality of the river.

“In other words, I chose to focus on a part of the painting to the exclusion of the rest of it. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t aware of rest of it, I was, but in my mind the river flowing lazily is what the picture is about. But when you looked at it, it was about the skyline of the city and all the other things were just window dressing.”

Concluding his explanation, he said, “The thing I took away from that seminar that has served me well during not only my career, but in all areas of my life is that because reality is so complex and broad, I must select where I focus. That doesn’t mean I’m not aware of the other facets of reality, just that I can elect not to focus my attention on my problems and let myself get depressed, discouraged and defeated; no, I prefer to focus on opportunities part of this reality and the actions I need to be taking to get back on track again.”

Jim didn’t deny or ignore the adverse around him, he was well aware of the reality he was facing, but at the same time, he had learned to continue to live life to its fullest by spending his time focusing on motivating things rather than things that would de-motivate him. Jim also confided that he had learned to live by something he learned in Sunday School as a child, that is, living life to its fullest is the result of what we are, what we think about and what we can do with what we’ve got, not what we’ve surround ourselves with.

So, regardless of what you are facing, learn to practice selective focus because becoming preoccupied with empowering, encouraging thoughts you will have little time to dwell on the negative implications of what’s going on in your world. And, you will feel empowered to deal with those situations that require your attention.
Have A GREAT and Profitable Week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

Monday: Oct 24, 2009: Live Life To Its Fullest!

2009-10-25T14:29:00.004-05:00

Live life to its fullest!

Now I know that with the current economic climate, hectic pace of trying to do business in a depressed market, the pressures of handling routine matters combined with the unplanned interruptions and unexpected setbacks can grind even the most highly motivated individual down. Unless we guard against it the velocity at which time moves and events unfold can deplete our energies and leave us dreading tomorrow.

While there is no magic incantation or elixir to rid us of our economic woes, the pace of modern life or the daily stresses that so easily sap our vibrancy and vitality, it is possible to develop an inner calmness and sense of enthusiasm in the midst of even the most trying of circumstances.

The first step in doing this is to INSULATE YOURSELF FROM THE RAVAGES OF THOSE THINGS THAT CAN DISTROY YOUR SENSE OF BALANCE!
Our home in Tulsa was built in 1927, of course it has undergone a lot of changes since then. When the central air conditioning and heating system was installed, the entire house was reinsulated, the result is that our heating and cooling bills are half what most people have for the same (or more) floor space.

Insulation will not stop the scorching heat of Oklahoma summers or eliminate the cold winds that blow in the winter. What the insulation does is keep the extreme heat and cold from penetrating the walls and attic. While we still need air conditioning in summer and heat in winter, the insulation allows us to avoid extreme changes in interior temperature due to what is happening outside.

In the same way, we can insulate our minds from those things that happen in our lives that can cause extremes in our ability to live life to its fullest. This means that regardless of how extreme external pressures or events become, we have a calm center that allows us to respond to the situations we face without losing our capacity to experience life in depth.

One way this can be done is to have priorities that allow us to enjoy life. A person I know once told me that he had discovered that the most disturbing things in his life were self imposed. He was always putting himself under pressure to perform, competing with himself, setting deadlines he knew were impossible and taking on more than he could handle. The result was that his was a life of constant stress and anxiety.

One Saturday as his wife took his son to play baseball (and he remained at home to meet one of his self imposed deadlines) it dawned on him that his priorities were out of whack! As he began examining the things he felt were important, he found that many of them were, as he put it “Routine” things that he had elevated to “Important”—not because they were important but because he was driving himself so hard.

Once he realigned his priorities, he found he did better work, completed projects in a more timely manner—and most importantly he had time to live life to its fullest, with vibrancy!

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be successful, competing with yourself, challenging yourself to be better than before, and striving to give the best effort possible. The problem comes when we find ourselves becoming slaves to certain priorities to exclusion of other things that can not only add enjoyment to life, but provide a break from the pressure of seeking excellence.

Another form of insulation that can help us keep the balance needed to live life to its fullest is to FOCUS ON THE OPPORTUNTIES in events. When something unexpected happens or we experience a setback we have a tendency to focus on what we’ve lost rather than the opportunity that the event or setback can give us.

Thomas Edison, the man credited with so many inventions had this ability to focus on the opportunities in life’s setbacks. According to a number of reliable sources, his response to a fire that totally destroyed his laboratories was “All of our mistakes have been destroyed, now we can begin again.”

Obviously, Edison wasn’t saying that everything lost in the fire was a mistake, what he was saying was that he and his engineers would have to rethink everything they had been working on, without the notes containing mistakes that might lead them down the wrong path, thus costing them time and money.

So this week, as you encounter those unexpected setbacks during the week focus on the opportunities they present rather than letting them rob you of your inner calmness and the vibrancy that living life to its fullest can bring.
Have a Great and profitable week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

Tomorrow Is A Better Day: Live Big and Think Bigger!

2009-10-19T08:34:00.003-05:00

I tuned in to the local broadcast of the Arkansas Razorback – Texas A&M football game on KCFO (AM 970, Tulsa). Since my wife was in Texas, I anticipated a nice evening of peace and quiet. But listening to the pregame programs, I began having twinges of guilt about needing to clean up the kitchen and house because I kept hearing my wife’s voice on commercials. Okay, the company she owns, The Resume Source (capturingsuccess.com) sponsors Razorback football, and since I was batching you husbands can imagine what the house looked like after a couple of days.

Anyway, I decided to turn off the radio and watch the televised broadcast. Just as I turned the volume up on the television, one of the sportscasters said, “You know, down here in Texas, they have a motto, ‘Live Big. Think Bigger’.” Those words stuck in my head. In these days in which we are living, we need to “live big and think bigger!”

Now, by living big, I don’t, mean that you live beyond your means. Rather, I mean that everyone of us can find ways to live big lives that will produce the inner sense of fulfillment and future that we all so desperately need in these economic times.

Living Big simply means that we realize that life is not defined by the setbacks, disappointments and problems of the moment. Too often we allow these things to shrink our image of who we are and what we can do, and we begin to live small. We begin to doubt ourselves, question our abilities, engage in self pity, criticize ourselves and shrink from putting forth the effort we need to once again become the confident, fulfilled individual we can become.

Living Big means BELIEVING in who we really are, not what present circumstances present us with. I recall reading a true story about the famous early twentieth century writer and the world’s first roving reporter, Lowell Thomas. Before he became known as a roving reporter, he lived large by using his creative ingenuity. For example, he convinced railroads to give him free passage in exchange for articles praising rail travel. When he visited Alaska, he hit upon the novel idea of making movies about faraway places to finance his trips.

When the United States entered the First World War, President Wilson sent him to find material that would encourage the American people to support it. Thomas did not want to merely write about the war, he wanted to film it. He estimated that $75,000 would be needed for filming, which the U.S. government thought too expensive, and so he turned to a group of 18 Chicago meat packers.

Thomas and a cameraman, went to the Western Front, but the trenches had little to inspire the American public. They then went to Italy where he heard of General Allenby’s campaign against the Ottoman Empire. He became accredited as a war correspondent through the British and met T.E. Lawrence, a captain in the British Army in Jerusalem. Lawrence was spending £200,000 a month encouraging the inhabitants of Palestine to revolt against the Turks. Thomas spent several weeks with Lawrence in the desert, Lawrence agreed to provide Thomas with material on the condition that Thomas also photograph and interview Arab leaders.

Thomas shot dramatic footage of Lawrence and, after the war, toured the world, narrating his film, With Allenby in Palestine and Lawrence in Arabia, making Lawrence—and himself—household names. The opening of Thomas's six-month London run, there were exotically dressed women dancing before images of the Pyramids, and the Welsh Guard band played the accompaniment program.

After London, Thomas took his show on the road and in Europe encountered a problem. According to the story, Thomas sent a cable to his backers in the United States requesting funds, but in those days, such things took time.

While waiting for the funds to arrive, he and his companions reduced their expenses. But, according to one of those who travelled with him, he always made it a point to buy his trademark fresh carnation for his lapel every morning. This, according to the source, was a daily reminder to him of who he was and would be again, despite the current situation that required drastic cuts in their daily expenses.

Now, some might say this was an act of ego. But, on at least a subconscious level, Thomas was reaffirming his self-image by finding a way to “live big” even in bad times. Contrast that to what so many people do when they fall on temporary hard times or face momentary setbacks—and we know that in reality, all difficulties are temporary and momentary if we keep on keeping on.
Most people, falling up on hard times or setbacks start berating themselves, putting themselves down and generally shrinking their self-image smaller and smaller, undermining their belief in their God given talents and start living smaller and smaller.

A couple of weeks ago I had a business luncheon at The Petroleum Club. Afterward, the people I had lunched with had to scurry back to their offices for meetings. As I was preparing to leave a group of older businessmen that I’m acquainted with invited me to join their table. Always eager to hear their stories of past successes and failures, I gratefully pulled up a chair and joined them.

For several minutes I listened to them reminisce about their experiences in building their businesses when Tulsa was to the oil industry what Houston has become. The elder statesman of this august think-tank had been listening attentively to the discussion, but had contributed few comments. He cleared his throat and said, “You know the difference between the Tulsa we’ve been talking about and the one we’ve got now?” Answering his own question he continued, “Too many people these days have lost the vision of where they want to be. And anytime we lose our vision we diminish that can-do spirit that built our companies and made this city great!”

Have you lost your can-do spirit during these past few months? Then it’s time you started “living big” and recapturing your vision of what you can do by “thinking bigger” again.

Have a Great and Profitable Week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

Open Your Mind To New Possiblities With Your Goals

2009-10-12T10:02:00.001-05:00

This week let’s talk about goals that can open your mind to new possibilities.

Can any of us really say that we have reached the pinnacle in our personal, professional or spiritual lives? Certainly, most of us have achieved a degree of success and in many cases we have won the applause of our peers. We may even be the envy of others in our profession, but does that mean that we have exhausted all the wonderful possibilities that exist for us?

Several decades ago, Dale Carnegie reminded us that “We all have possibilities we don't know about. We can do things we don't even dream we can do.” Which simply means that no matter how far up the ladder we have risen or even how far down the ladder we may have slid, we all within us the ability to dream new dreams and set new visions of what our lives can become and the contributions we can make to our family, our companies and the world around us.

All worthwhile goals involve mean we dare to aspire to new heights. When we aspire to new heights we begin to think like George Bernard Shaw who said “You see things that are, and ask why? I dream things that are not, and ask why not?” Perhaps Carnegie and Shaw were familiar with what Robert Browning had written, Browning stated without fear of contradiction that “Our aspirations are our possibilities.”

I do not know how many times I have been approached after making a speech or conducting a workshop by people who have said that their possibilities are limited for one reason or another. Upon examination, the problem in most cases was that they had allowed someone or some circumstance to smother the aspirations that they had, thus obscuring not only their own possibilities but any hope they may have had of attaining them.

When we say we are limited in our possibilities by our lack of education, the bad breaks we’ve had in life or even our age what we are really saying is that while we see the possibilities of what can be we feel it is improbable that they are possibilities in our lives. If you’re one of those people who see possibilities but dismiss them as improbable aspirations or pie-in-the sky daydreams, I suggest you take as your motto the words that one of America’s great business leaders, Henry Ford who once told an audience, “I cannot discover that anyone knows enough to say definitely what is and what is not possible.” Write that on a couple of cards, put one of them where you will see it every morning and carry another with you to refer to throughout the day.

Now, you might be asking, just how do I go about allowing my goals to open my mind to new possibilities? Well, if your goal is something that has grabbed you, and it is something that is based on an aspiration that will be beneficial to not only yourself, your family and other people then all you need to do is to unleash the creative power of your subconscious mind.

The very fact that your mind has grasp this goal indicates that you have within you the capacity to not only conceive it but to define and refine it into something attainable. Now this will not happen overnight, and sometimes that which we originally hoped to achieve becomes modified as we progress toward it and we see bigger possibilities..

Finally, I am sure that most of you are like me, during your career you have seen great possibilities and set goals only to encounter difficulties, opposition and setbacks. Perhaps you have even thrown in the towel and given up or decided to simply settle for less than your heart told you use to settle for. My old friend and mentor, Norman Vincent Peale once pointed out that “lots of people limit their possibilities by giving up too easily.” And in the face of adversity, discouragement, opposition and setbacks he urged us to “become a possibilitarian.”

And how, you ask do we do that? Dr. Peale gives us the answer “No matter how dark things seem to be or actually are, raise your sights and see possibilities -- always see them, for they're always there.” Opening our minds to new possibilities not only helps us define and refine new and exciting goals it also can provide us with a renewal of determination to get up and try again when life or circumstances seems to have knocked us down.

So, make sure your goals grab you, then don’t be afraid to allow them to lift you above the possible and open your mind to the vast new possibilities that await you. When you do, you will find yourself standing in awe of where your goals can take you. Why? Because you are seeing a renewed vision, capturing a new hope, and a beginning to long for brighter future—something only you can turn into a reality.

Have a great and profitable week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

Success, Happiness & The American Dream...

2009-09-28T08:57:00.003-05:00

I find it refreshing that the word success has been resurrected from the trash heap upon which it was tossed a few years ago. However, many of the people I hear talking seem to be trying to figure out how to be successful without repeating the mistakes of previous generations.

So, how does one go about satisfying their desire to become successful without sacrificing a balanced and fulfilling life? If you or someone you know has been asking that question, here are a few principles that you might find helpful.

First, Know Where and Who You Are: In most cases it is true that if a person sets their mind to it, they can achieve (or become) anything with hard work and often sacrifice. But in order for that success to be fulfilling it must conform to who you really are deep down inside—it must fit your passion.

Second: Have Your Own Definition Of Success. Many people allow other people to define success for them. In my talk, “Success, Happiness and The American Dream: Can We Still Have It All?” I point out that Albert Einstein and Mother Teresa might not be considered successful if we use the standard definition that so many people use for success, which is making money. However, I doubt that anyone would disagree that these two people’s contributions to the world don’t exceed that of many who have made their fortune. The best definition of success that I’ve found is that success means being the best at what we do and continually working to become better at it in our chosen field of endeavor.

Third: Develop A Philosophy For Success You Can Live With. We cannot be truly happy when we try to live as one-dimensional beings. By that I mean that we cannot be so single focused on one area of our lives that we neglect other areas. A philosophy of success we can live with takes into consideration all the different (and sometimes competing) dimensions of our lives. Such a philosophy of success will seek to harmonize these differing areas so they compliment and strengthen each other rather than compete with each other, thereby creating stress and unhappiness.

Four: Realize That Success Is A Journey, Not A Destination. (Sorry about using a cliché, but that was the most succinct way I could think of putting it!) This doesn’t mean that you have to remain in the same career, always striving to become better and better for your entire life. Remember, real success means being the best at what we do and continually working to become better at it in our chosen field of endeavor. This definition frees us to explore new opportunities and strike out in new directions when we feel we’ve reached a success plateau in what we’ve been doing.

Five: Believe In The Power Of The Possible, Not The Impossible. Perhaps the greatest cause for people not achieving the success they’ve defined and envisioned is that they empowered mediocrity by choosing to accent the things others considered impossible rather than trust their deep-seated knowledge of what was possible for them. In order to believe in the power of the possible you need to surround yourself with people who will encourage and mentor you, as well as serve as a sounding board for developing ideas. These people are sometimes difficult to find, but it is more than worth the effort because we tend to absorb and believe what people constantly say to us.
Have a GREAT and Profitable Week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

"Success Is Failure Turned Inside Out"

2009-09-14T08:48:00.003-05:00

“What’s the use in trying to get ahead these days?”
“I’ve tried everything to get back into my chosen profession, but there is too much competition!”

In my profession, I’m used to dealing with discouraged people, but it seems that I am talking to more and more people these days ready to just throw up their hands and quit. That’s why I decided to reach back into the archives and reprint the July 7, 2003 Monday Morning. I used the poem at the end on my radio program on September 13, 2009 and by that afternoon request for the poem were being emailed to me. If you’d like a copy of it, email me and I’ll send it to you.

This is reportedly a true story and perhaps you’ve heard it before.

The young man came west during the great silver boom of the 1800’s. He brought with him his dreams of striking it rich, of having all the wonderful things that money could buy. He went into the mountains and began prospecting for his bonanza. He studied where other miners had hit silver and carefully analyzed the lay of the land. Finally, he decided on just the right spot to begin digging into the mighty mountain. He went to the land office and filed his claim and began working it.

One year past, then two. Finally five years past, all with very little to show for his efforts. Sure, he’d find what he thought was the vein of silver he was looking for, but it would soon play out. After more than 10 years of digging, he again hit what looked like a promising vein. With renewed vigor he dug into it, only to have it play out in just a few months. Discouraged, he slammed his pick into the wall and gave up. He went into town and sold his claim for enough money to get out of town.

The new owners went to the claim and began working it. After going less than 15 feet beyond where he had left his pick they struck one of the two richest silver veins in area. Had the original miner kept at it a little longer he would have realized his dreams and all of his preparation and hard work would have paid off beyond his wildest expectations.

For more than thirty-five years the following poem has hung in my office. It was given to me by one of my mentors. Over the years it has helped spur me on in the face of adversity and encouraged me when I wanted to just give up and walk away. Maybe in some small way it will help you, if not today then tomorrow when you are ready to just” slam your pick into the mountain and quit.”

When things go wrong as they sometimes will
When the road you’re trudging seems all up-hill
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but can only sigh.

When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don’t you quit!
Life is queer with its’ twists and turns
As everyone of us sometimes learns.

We’ve all seen many a failure come about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don’t give up, though the pace seems slow
You may succeed with just another blow.

Success is failure turned inside out –
The sliver tint in the cloud of doubt;
And you can never tell just how close you are
It may be near with it seems so far.

So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit
It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit!
-- Author Unknown
Have a GREAT and PROFITABLE Week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

Your Primary Motivational Force

2009-08-31T09:35:00.001-05:00

I recall visiting by telephone with a friend of mine who is a sales manager. He had a particularly difficult situation with one of his sales people. The man wasn’t producing at acceptable levels and had a bad attitude that was beginning to affect the entire staff. After commiserating with him for a few minutes, we began discussing various reasons this sales person was functioning below standards.

From our discussion, it was obvious that the fellow understood his products, knew how to sell, didn’t suffer from call reluctance, etc. Finally, I said, “Maybe you should ask this fellow just why he is with your organization.”

I saw my friend a couple of days later and he told me he had been mulling that question over and applying it to everyone in his department. He began naming his sales staff and as he did explained why they were in the business, many of whom had a specific reason for believing in the importance of their products and services. When he came to the salesman we had been discussing during our telephone conversation, he said, “His reason for being here is to make money. That’s it, nothing more, just make money.” Then he added, “Once I began analyzing why these people work for me, it became clear what I need to do.”

In order to fully tap into the motivational power of a positive attitude it is necessary to discover what you mean by success. The real definition of success for a person is the thing from which they derive their greatest sense of fulfillment, their passion, their sense of self worth. Once discovered, this will motivate them to do the things needed to have fulfillment and enhance their sense of self worth. What, you might ask are some of these things? Well, they are different for each one of us. For some it may be feeling appreciated, for others it might be gaining recognition as a leader in their field, some might say it is making a contribution that improves other people’s lives, and for still others it might be to provide a higher standard of living for their family than they knew as a child.

While it is true that in most cases money and the things you can procure with it are used as the outward measure of success, they are short-term motivators. We’ve all known people who used money, cars, etc. as their primary source of motivation. For a while the car or the cash motivated them, but when the market got tight, expectations became higher and difficulties became the norm not the exception these people sought greener pastures. Why? Many times it was because they made the value judgment that the thing they considered their primary motivation wasn’t worth the higher price they were going to have to pay.

As I said money and the trappings of outward success can prove to be short-term motivators. But in order to have real motivation—the kind that comes from the power of the positive you requires that you discover that from which you derive your deepest satisfaction. This motivational power is unleashed during tight markets as it gives you the power of persistence. It helps you see opportunities instead of obstacles when expectations are raised. And it releases your creativity when difficulties become the norm instead of the exception.

Once you discover and liberate your primary motivational force it becomes your filter for decision making, the inspiration that leads to a can-do attitude and serves as your internal coach providing the inner direction and discipline that I call the power of the positive you.
Have A GREAT and Profitable Week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

Fuel Your Dreams, Thoughts and Actions With This!

2009-08-23T16:28:00.002-05:00

Each of us has the God-given capacity to do three things—to dream, to think, and to act. And every one of us have different natural abilities and interests. The history of American business is replete with stories of ordinary people who rose from less than ideal backgrounds to achieve great things. How did they do it? They discovered what they were interested in and had the ability to do, and then they dared to dream about where these things could take them if they were brought together in the right way.

A name we are all familiar with is J.C. Penney. Talk about having few if any connections, Penney was the son of a preacher who grew up in humble circumstances. According to a television program that I watched he got his start in a small store in a small town out west. But Penney wasn’t content to just be a small town merchant. He dared to let himself dream of someday having a chain of stores that stretched across the entire country. He didn’t run out and find a venture capitalist to raise millions of dollars to make his dream an overnight reality. Instead he found ways to leverage his knowledge and abilities in such a way as to build his dream one store at a time.

J.L. Kraft, founder of what became Kraft Foods is another example of a man who discovered what he had a knack for doing and dared to dream. Others include R. H. Macy (Macy’s department stores), Sam Walton (Wal-Mart), Bill Gates, Steven Jobs, the list is endless. All of these people, and countless others became successful because they discovered their passion and allowed their dream to flow out of it.

To be attainable your dream must flow out of your interests, abilities and passion because these are the foundation stones you must use to begin turning your dream into a reality. Maybe that’s why so many people give up on the idea of goal setting based on their dreams. Instead of letting their dreams (which shape their goals) flow from their passion, they begin with something incompatible with their real passion. I once heard such a person say, “I put my silly dreams in a box and locked them into a closet because I’ve decided I’m just one of life’s losers…”

That is a sad (and hopefully extreme) commentary on ones own life. Since I was acquainted with this person, I knew that the dream he had struggled to attain for years was totally incompatible with his abilities and his interests. Had he followed the considerable talents he had in other fields of endeavor I have no doubt but what he would have been successful (and probably an advocate of both daring to dream big dreams and goal setting).

Another mistake people make is setting goals without a dream behind it, much less any idea of how to begin working toward it. This goal may be simply to “be somebody important” or “I want to be a multi-millionaire by the time I’m forty.” When goals lack the foundation of flowing from dreams based on interests, abilities and passion the result is the individual is constantly casting about for a vehicle to move them toward their objective. They often drift from job to job, deal to deal, place to place, and eventually become disillusioned and then give up.

The capacity to dream is important, but more important is our ability to think about what we have the interest and ability to do (our passion) and how to leverage it as a vehicle toward attaining our dream. When our dream is mentally tested in the fires of our passion it becomes refined, re-defined and sharpened to the point where we begin to think creatively about what we are capable of achieving and the actions required to turn dreams into realities.

When your dream doesn’t flow out of your passion you are like a person who has grown up eating only pinto beans and cornbread. Since you’ve never eaten a meal away from home, you are totally unaware of the variety of food choices available to you. Then one day you become hungry and instead of going home for more beans and cornbread you stop at a restaurant. You are amazed at the wide-variety of foods available and suddenly a whole new and exciting world opens up for you. Like our liberated beans and corn bread eater, once your dreams flow out of your passion you will be amazed at the new world of opportunities that you discover.

People who discover their passion and let their dreams flow from them become energized by the possibilities they see. Their minds become alert as they constantly filter exciting ideas, and their personality takes on a sense of vibrancy and confidence as they move to make their dream a reality.

So let your dreams flow out of your passion
and Have A Great and Profitable Week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

Whose Dream Are You Following?

2009-08-17T10:27:00.001-05:00

“To dream anything that you want to dream, That is the beauty of the human mind,
To do anything thing that you want to do, That is the strength of the human will.
To trust yourself to test your limits, That is the courage to succeed.” -- Bernard Edmonds.

Hardly a week goes by that I don’t hear someone say something like, “If only I had followed my dreams…” To be sure, not all dreams are worth following (I’m glad I didn’t follow my childhood dream of riding the range as a cowboy, too many ticks, chiggers, snakes, etc.). But many of us have had worthwhile dreams that we failed to follow because we wanted someone’s approval, feared failure or ridicule, or were afraid to break out of our comfort zone. The result is that in private moments we wonder what would have happened if we had become the person our dream told us we could become.

One man who dared to follow his dream to become the person he could become was the late singer John Denver. After high school, he enrolled at Texas Tech University with the intention of becoming an architect. But that was someone else dream for him, so he quit in order to pursue his dream of becoming a singer.

Denver is quoted as saying, “Not one person said I was doing the right thing. Everyone said I was making a big mistake.” And so it seemed for a while. Six Flags Over Texas hired him, but cancelled his shows—he wound up running the kiddie car rides to support himself!

But he refused to listen to well meaning friends and family and tenaciously followed his dream of becoming a singer. “I knew deep down inside I was born to sing for people” he recalled, “Listen to yourself, you’ll always know what’s right. Listen to that (inner) voice. That’s how you find success as a human being.”

What has your inner voice been telling you? Has it been telling you that in spite of difficulties you need to redouble your efforts? Has it been telling you that you can do better than what you have decided to settle for in terms of your career? Has it been telling you that the dream you’ve always had (but didn’t follow) is still attainable if you are willing to take the risk necessary?

We all have that inner voice. It speaks of what it knows we are really capable of, what we can become, what we can achieve. Of course, as the years go by we pick up other voices—voices telling us we’ll be a laughingstock if we try; that we will fail; that we’ll never amount to anything; that we are too old to change or learn new things; that we don’t have the time, connections, personality or the training to follow our deepest dreams. Unfortunately, we let these voices drown out the little voice that seeks to inspire us to become the person we know deep down we can become.

Who defines your dream of what you can be, can do or will become? If it is someone else’s dream for us, we will only go through the motions or do only as much as we need to do to keep our job, etc. Unless it is a dream that we have bought in to and internalized and made our own, it will lack the power to motive and inspire us.

Our dreams motivate us, which means that they furnish us with an incentive to act. The word motivation comes from the word motive, which is a thought or feeling that furnishes a reason to act in a certain way. In other words, real motivation is something that stimulates an individual to act based on an inner conviction of what they should be doing (but not doing or wanting to do).

While a speech or story can light a spark in us, it usually does not provide us with lasting resolve because real motivation must come from within. The speech or story simply activates something in our mind that we knew all along and encourages us to dust off our dreams and try again.

For example, I gave a speech in the 1980’s in Houston, Texas. A man came up to me afterwards and told me that for past year he had been beating himself up as a failure (he had lost “everything” in the oil bust), but that a story I told helped him realize that his past successes provided a foundation to begin dreaming of could be, if he applied himself. I ran into him at DFW a couple of years later and he reported that he was moving forward again and “everything was on track.” My talk had simply awakened him to the fact that he could have the confidence to rebuild his life, this caused other internal motivational factors (that had lain dormant since his business failed) to reactivate his own dreams.

Finally, when you begin to listen to your inner voice and dust off your dreams be careful what you put into your mind. Several years ago, a service station attendant topped-off the brake fluid in my car. A week later I had no brakes because the attendant had used the wrong type of brake fluid and ruined the entire braking system.

The human mind is like that sophisticated braking system. We have to be careful what we allow into it. Research has shown that just one negative concept takes seven positive concepts to offset. Some of the negative concepts can’t be avoided, but we can avoid deliberately putting them into our mental system. We need to be careful of what we read and listen to, how we talk to ourselves and others about our abilities and how much time we spend thinking about past mistakes or failures.

Perhaps Rodgers and Hammerstein put it most best in their famous song from the Sound of Music, “Climb every mountain, Ford every stream, Follow every rainbowTill you find your dream. A dream that will need all the love you can give, Every day of your life for as long as you live.”
Have A GREAT and PROFITABLE Week!
Robert Hidde

The Main Factor In Determining Your Success

2009-08-09T18:05:00.001-05:00

Someone once wrote that it is, “Choice, not circumstances that determines your success.”

I reminded a fellow of this recently and he didn’t want to hear it. He had provided me with a litany of all the reasons he could come up with for giving up, not trying anymore. He listed everything from greedy employers to corrupt politicians as being the cause of his situation. He went on and on about how unfair life was, illustrating his point by telling me about how he just couldn’t get a break. After listening to his rant for several minutes I interrupted him and said, “Choice, not circumstance determines your success.”

I then explained that while there are many things that we cannot control that can affect our situation, ultimately we choose how much we allow it to affect us. We all know of individuals whom it seems live almost charmed lives. It is almost as if everything they attempt turns out right. If they find themselves out of work, they are back on someone’s payroll quickly. If they suffer a setback, they bounce back quickly.

On the other hand, we all know people whom it seems the opposite is true. When adversity comes to them they struggle, become discouraged and just can’t seem to find the key to turning things around. What is the difference? Again, I say most of the success you and I will have is the result of choices, not circumstances.

It’s like the old Swedish proverb says, "God gives every bird a worm, but he does not throw it into the nest." Simply put, the Good Lord provides the raw materials we need to make the most of ourselves, but it is up to us to choose whether to use them and how we use them.

Of course, there are some who would disagree because they have convinced themselves that anything bad that happens is the result of some invisible force that has predestined them to misery or failure. To admit that an individual’s choices play any role in outcomes is to them almost heresy. They bear no responsibility for their predicament nor for what happens next in their lives.

Obviously, our choices are based on how we define success. And how we define success determines how we measure it. Someone like Mother Teresa defined success differently than say, Bill Gates and thus the choices she made were different than his. Perhaps that is one reason many people shrink away from this notion that choices not circumstances determine our success. They only have a fuzzy idea of what constitutes success, of what they want to do, of who they really are.

In 1856, after five years' apprenticeship in a general store Marshall Field moved to Chicago where he found employment as a clerk for a leading dry-goods house, of which he became a junior partner in 1862. In 1865 he became a partner in the firm of Field, Palmer, and Leiter, the company that became Marshall Field and Co. in 1881. He amassed one of the largest private fortunes in the United States and pioneered in establishing many modern retailing practices

Toward the end of his life, this very successful merchant penned what he called the Twelve Priceless Qualities of Success:
1. The value of time.
2. The success of perseverance.
3. The pleasure of working.4. The dignity of simplicity.
5. The worth of character
6. The power of kindness.
7. The influence of example.
8. The obligation of duty.
9. The wisdom of economy.
10. The virtue of patience.
11. The improvement of talent.
12. The joy of originating.
(So choose to) Have A Great and Profitable Week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

Three Keys To Unleashing A Positive Mental Attitude

2009-08-03T08:50:00.002-05:00

A few years ago, I read an interview with the very talented Holland Taylor, who portrays Charlie and Alan’s mother on the CBS sitcom Two and a Half Men. In this insightful interview she reveals that now that she is in what she called the final third of her life, she is taking university courses dealing with spirituality because that was an area of life she had neglected while pursuing her career.

This proves that people can and do succeed in life using as their power source things like talent and ability, but it also illustrates that deep down we are all aware that such power sources are temporary and that eventually we will need to connect with a much more permanent source of real power.

I have known many bright and successful people who discovered their intangible motivators during the first few years of their careers, but who also came to realize what Ms. Holland is just now realizing. Once they combined their intangible motivators with a source of permanent power they were able to really unleash the power of a positive attitude in a way that resulted in a sense of destiny and the self renewing source of vibrancy and confidence necessary to take the risk necessary to achieve their goals, as well as the courage and creativity to approach adversity expectantly.

The switch that turns on the power of a positive attitude is your expectations. A favorite quotation of mine simply says, “The quality of our expectations determines our actions.” I don’t know who said that, but it is a profound statement full of insight and truth. I once read where Victor Kiam, (the man who loved the Remington Shavers so much he bought the company) always made in person sales calls on bleak, snowy days (this was before he bought the company). He said he always expected to do well in such weather because no one else was out making calls —as a result he made many sales he would have missed.

But what if he had been like his competitors and taken the attitude that he shouldn’t expect much to happen on cold, snowy days? He would have told himself that people were too preoccupied with the weather to be interested in his products. He wouldn’t have even tried to make calls on those days and at the end of the month he’d have been scrambling to meet quota -- just like those other sales people.

Finally, the power of a positive attitude must become your philosophy of life, not just a tool or technique we use to advance our agenda. Most of us are familiar with the contribution made by Harvey MaKay toward systemizing and managing relationships.

Shortly after his first book Swim With The Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive appeared, I had a salesman call on me. He began with the usual “rapport building questions” but instead of transitioning into the purpose of call, he began annoying me with more questions. When he asked for the date of my wedding anniversary it dawned on me that he was working his way through Mackay’s list of sixty-six things it helps to know in order to strengthen and maintain relationships. What he didn’t seem to realize was that the type of stuff he was asking for is learned over a period of time as a relationship develops. His attempt to use a wonderful and proven approach to relationship management backfired because it was obvious that his interest in me wasn’t sincere (we’d just met), he was merely using a technique to try to advance his agenda.

In order to fully avail yourself of the power of a positive attitude, it must become a part of the way you approach every area of your life, not just your business or careers. It takes time, discipline and effort but the transformation you will experience in not only attitude but achievement is well worth the effort!
Have a GREAT and PROFITABLE Week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

Mon. July 20, 09: A Lesson From A Death In The Family

2009-07-20T10:09:00.005-05:00

The first part of this week's Monday Morning is personal, but it reminded me of something we too often forget...

Last Saturday, July 18, my wife and I drove 400 miles round trip in under 12 hours to pay our respect to my cousin and his family as we honored the memory of his mother. Aunt Louise was born in 1916 and lived a long and good life. When word came of her trading this side of the time/space continuum called eternal life for the other side, my mind filled with many memories.

Aunt Louise was born in Gravelly, Arkansas and to the best of my knowledge, except for a brief time living in Northwest Arkansas lived in the pastoral setting that is Gravelly. Gravelly was the maternal side of my family’s ancestral home, having settled there a couple of generations before the War of Northern Aggression, which started in 1861.

The Friday evening before Vicki and I made our pilgrimage to that little hamlet, nestled in the mountains of Arkansas, I sat in the backyard and many memories flooded my mind. She was one of my mother’s younger sisters and mom and I spent several summers with Aunt Louise, helping her pick vegetables, shell peas, shuck corn and then can them in a pressure cooker (I’m sure my recollection of the hard work and long hours that cousin Carl and I were forced to put in have been exaggerated by my aging memory). My thoughts also turned to those who greeted Aunt Louise on the other side—her two older sisters, Ethel and my mother, Nadine; and brothers Odell, Robert and Cleo.

As I reflected on these things, many of which happened almost six decades ago, my thoughts were interrupted by the sound of laughter from my three grandchildren (who had come up from Texas for a previously planned visit) and the happy yapping of my little dog, Tito. Those sounds didn’t change the shadow of death that had cast itself over our family, but they delivered a message to me.

That message which I want to share with you in this Monday Morning is simply this: Regardless of the economic uncertainties, political situation or the normal ups and downs of life—life is good, if we let it be. And no matter what we are dealing with, the voices of the next generation remind us that perhaps we should take things in stride and stay confident and positive because the beat will go on…

***************************************

You are the music while the music lasts—T.S. Elliot

Television is that medium of entertainment which permits millions of people to listen to the same joke at the same time and yet remain lonely.—T.S. Elliot

An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered. G.K. Chesterton

***************************************

Cathy was a born organizer. Even in elementary school the teachers recognized her ability to organize, motivate and achieve results. Cathy’s greatest sense of fulfillment came from taking a project from start to finish. Cathy was offered a position that promised opportunities for developing, planning and implementing project strategies.

Unfortunately, like many jobs the realities of what she was assigned conflicted with what she thought she was hired to do. Rather than groan and complain about the situation, she decided to look for opportunities to prove herself. She began asking for more complex assignments, even volunteering to put in extra hours to help coworkers and managers with projects. As she became more involved, her abilities were recognized and her areas of responsibility grew. Today she is a senior project manager with the company and living her passion.

Have A GREAT and PROFITABLE Week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

Monday, July 13, 2009: Make Life Exciting And Never Be Bored Again!

2009-07-12T17:33:00.003-05:00

Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire; you will what you have imagined; and at last you create what you have willed.—George Bernard Shaw

Several years ago I met a “retired” gentleman named Abe early one morning in the lobby of a hotel in which I was staying. Being an early riser, I’m always looking for my first cup of coffee. Knowing that this hotel has coffee in the lobby, I took the elevator down and grabbed a cup. After getting the coffee, I saw Abe sitting on a sofa and asked if I could join him. He greeted me with a big smile and introduced himself. He hailed from Southern Florida and like me, was in this particular city on business. I inquired what type of business he was in.

“It all depends on what day it is and which telephone rings” he said with a laugh. “You see, I’m seven-two years old, supposed to be retired—but I got bored. So, instead of wiling away my days in Sunny Florida, I decided I had to get busy doing something—it wasn’t that I needed the money because the Good Lord has been real good to me over the years. It was the fact that I needed mental stimulation.”

He then told me about some of the businesses he’s involved in. He had incorporated his lifelong love for show dogs into a lucrative business teaching workshops on breeding for veterinarians and owners. In addition, he owned in a chain of prepaid cellular telephone stores, and had some oil and gas interests.

“I never know which hat to put on when the phone rings” he said, “It can be hectic, even confusing at times, but it’s fun!”

“I know I’m too busy for someone my age,” he continued, “but it beats heck out of being like my friends back in Florida. They’re bored, have no challenges, nothing to do but listen to their wives yap about having them under foot all the time, or playing golf everyday—I love golf, but not seven days a week. These once happy guys have nothing to occupy their minds, so they worry about everything and let me tell you it has turned them into real cantankerous old geezers.”

Then he added, “Of course, I know lots of people much younger who have turned themselves into cantankerous geezers by only giving what is necessary to their job, having too much time on their hands and letting their minds idle so much that they get bored. A mind has to be working on something bigger than itself or it will get into all kinds of mischief!”

So, what’s the point of this week’s Monday Morning? Simply this: if life and your career have become boring, maybe you need to take Abe’s words to heart, “A mind has to be working on something bigger than itself or it will get into all kinds of mischief!”

Have A GREAT and PROFITABLE Week!

Robert Hidde

bob@confidentliving.com
“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.” --Thomas Edison

"Great Effort Springs From Great Attitudes"

2009-06-29T09:35:00.002-05:00

Henry Ward Beecher, the 19th century preacher once said that “Words are the pegs to hang ideas on.”

Have you ever noticed that people who are underachievers are always talking about bad breaks, the lousy economy, the unfairness of life, how they don’t have the right network, the deal they just lost, etc?

On the other hand, people who tend to become achievers in all areas of life seem to talk enthusiastically about challenges, new opportunities, fresh approaches, how to expand their network of influential people and their successes rather than their “failures”.

What words do you use as pegs to hang ideas about yourself on? Do you constantly say, “I can’t do it”, “It’s too hard”, “What’s the use (it won’t do any good)?”, “I’ll never be able to finish it”, “I’m not treated fairly”, “There’s no business out there”, “I don’t have the ability”, “They’ll just turn me down”. If so, then you are building a case against yourself and talking yourself into mediocrity both as a person and in your career.

These mental pegs grow into attitudes that either create great, self-empowering attitudes or weak, self-limiting attitudes. We all know how important attitude is to success because as NBA coach Pat Riley so aptly put it, “Great effort springs naturally from a great attitude.”

Great attitudes empower us because they create an expectation of excellence from ourselves. This expectation kindles the desire to put forth the effort required to do what needs doing. This means that we formulate our goals and devise either a formal or informal plan to make it a reality. When we approach our job with half-formulated goals, fuzzy plans and an “I just gotta make it to the week-end” attitude, we are really saying we don’t expect much, and we usually get it. However, if we approach the week with well-formulated goals, solid plans and an expectation that by the week-end things will have moved along toward reaching those goals, we often are surprised by the results.

I heard a speaker us this illustration about our mindset (attitude) in the early 1980’s and have used it myself on several occasions. The speaker called an attractive young lady up on the stage, ascertained that they didn’t know each other and then said to her, “Would you give me a kiss?”

She looked somewhat stunned, and said “I don’t know you…no I won’t give you a kiss.”

The speaker thanked her and turning to the audience said, “Those who think I just lost please raise your hands.” And hands when up all around the room.

“You are wrong,” declared the speaker, “I broke even!” Then he explained, “Did I have a kiss when I asked her to kiss me? Of course not, that’s why I asked for one, you can’t lose what you don’t have. When I asked her for a kiss, one of two things could have happened. First, she could have kissed me—in which case, I’d have won. Second, she could have refused to give me kiss, which she did—thus I broke even. When we break even what happens? We gain insight into how we can do things better the next time we try.”

Applying this more directly, he continued, “Never take the attitude that you’ve lost anything when someone refuses to buy your product, endorse your idea or set an appointment to see you. You didn’t have the sale, endorsement or appoint when you started—therefore you simply broke even! Breaking even means you just move on to the next person on your list! If you don’t get anything else out of this talk remember that in everything you try to do—you always start out even—therefore you always either win or break even because you can’t loose what you haven’t got!”
Have A GREAT and PROFITABLE WEEK!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

Monday: June 22-- Your Better Future Begins Now

2009-06-19T10:53:00.003-05:00

(posted early because I'm travelling this week-end)

General Motors has been in the news quite a bit lately. A friend of mine told me over lunch that for some reason he couldn’t stop thinking about all the GM cars he’d owned. Then he proceeded to tell me a bit about each of them—going back to his first Chevy—a 1956 “honey” as he called it.

Naturally, this got me to thinking about my almost 40 years of GM cars, first the Chevy Impala my wife and I had when we got married in 1969, then the many Pontiacs, Pick-ups and Cadillac vehicles that we've driven since.

But this talk about GM also surfaced things I had learned about a remarkable man who, as head of research for GM for 27 years was the driving force behind GM’s dominance in the market. His name was Charles F. Kettering, who was the inventor of many things relating to automobiles and also founded the DELCO Corporation. Always the forward looking optimist, regardless of the situation, Kettering once told a reporter, ““My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there”

I like that thought because as much as we’d like to, we can’t go back in time, except in memory, but we can always be interested in the future, which isn’t a bad idea considering, as Kettering observed, we are gong to spend the rest of our lives there. Of course, right now for many people thoughts about the future holds nothing but uncertainty and apprehension because we are interpreting the future through the lens of the present.

One of the things that made America the land of opportunity is that people weren’t afraid to dream dreams and believe that they had a future, even in the worst of situations. Take for example, J.C. Penney.

Most of us have shopped at Penney’s. And many of you know his story. J.C. Penney started out as a clerk in a store, became a manager, then a partner, then opened his own chain of stores.
But Penney's rise to fame and fortune was not an unmarred success story. A major financial disaster struck in the 1929 stock market crash. He lost $40 million when several banks from which he had borrowed foreclosed on his personal holdings of stock. At age 56, all but broke, he grew wings and facing a $7 million debt started over and built what became the J.C. Penney’s we all know today.
In his later years he reflected: "I believe in adherence to the Golden Rule, faith in God and the country. If I were a young man again, those would be my cardinal principles."

You say, that’s fine for someone like J.C. Penney, he had connections and he was able to use them to start over, even late in life. Let me tell you about Toni Clark.

Toni Clark at age 50 recently (June 2009) graduated from Essex County Community College in New Jersey. After many years of gainful employment as a certified nursing assistant, she found herself unemployed, and finally living on the street.

After graduation, she told a reporter, “I lost my apartment and my job, and I didn't want to stay with family, so I went on the street, but God put me right in school," Then she continued, "It's been hard. I was staying in (Newark) Penn Station, the airport," Clark said. "But you know, I was taking care of business and everything, but I just didn't have a home."

Clark said it was during a moment of spiritual connection that she realized she couldn't waste time. She said she became determined to plan for the future and added, "God wanted me to go to school," In other words, her faith empowered her to look at the future as the place she would spend the rest of her life, dared to dream what most would have called an impossible dream and created a whole new future.
Have a Great and Profitable Week (and future)!
Robert Hidde

Lasting Motivation Comes From Right Goals

2009-06-14T18:41:00.003-05:00

At least once each month I hear from someone who tells me about their goals, and then they want to know why they can’t keep their motivation going.

Sometimes the problem lies in the fact that they have so structured their paths and timelines so as to create undue pressures on themselves. Instead of their journey toward their goal being an exciting expedition it has been reduced to a long list of things to get done. Such a list creates a sense of duty bound deadlines that become more of a whip to drive them than a sail to catch the winds. In other instances the problem lies in the timelines they’ve created. Allowing too much time to achieve a certain step it loses its sense of urgency

Then of course the problem can be with the goals they have set. I recall one young man who came up to me after I finished a speech. He had become frustrated and discouraged because he wasn’t making progress toward his goal. When I asked him to tell me about his goal, he replied “To be a millionaire” (that was in the days when a million dollars was considered a lot of money) “by the time I’m thirty.” Well, there’s nothing wrong with such a goal provided we plan to use the money in a right way, so I asked him how long he had been working on the goal. “I started working on it” he replied, “Two years ago.” I then asked him how old he was when he set that goal and what his line of work was. He told me that he was twenty-seven when he set the goal and that he had just started out as an insurance agent. Now, over the years, I’ve known of several people in insurance who’ve broken the million dollar income figure—but they didn’t do it in two and a half years. The problem for this young fellow was that while his goal was attainable, he had set himself up for failure by not giving himself enough time to acquire the knowledge, skill and clientele required to reach it.

Another situation is created when our goals lack credibility. While credibility shouldn’t be concerned with what other people think about our goal, we must be concerned with what we think about our goal. By that I mean we must be convinced in our own mind that we can, with effort reach it. The purpose of goals and objectives is to stretch us beyond the point we are at, and they must challenge us to reach just a little further than where we can realistically expect to arrive at. But at the same time, as our young insurance agent learned from my talk with him they must not be so far beyond our grasp that our own mind can’t conceive of the possibility of achieving them.

Finally, goals must be worthwhile to provide long-term motivation. As I said earlier, there is nothing essentially wrong with wanting to make a million dollars. However, the Good Lord constructed our minds in such a way as to eventually reject self-centered, selfish goals. Certainly, we do things for our self interest, but when it comes to long-term goals those who are successful seldom derive lasting motivation from such goals and those I’ve met who have achieved purely selfish goals seldom find real fulfillment or satisfaction from reaching them.

What do I mean by saying that our goals must be worthwhile? Simply that those goals that are truly worthwhile provide an emotional stimulus that purely self-centered goals lack. That individual whose sole objective is to have a bigger house or drive a more expensive automobile than others he is acquainted with may achieve that goal—but “after the new wears off” they realize that there are other people with bigger houses and better cars—so the satisfaction is short lived and the quest begins all over, eventually becoming an endless treadmill.

But the person whose goal is to make a million dollars in order to provide a better life for his family and better schools for his children than he had when growing up has such an emotional tie. The individual whose goal is to reach a certain level of income in order to be able to contribute more money to his church, synagogue or a cause near to his or her heart has such an emotional bond to the goal. Such goals not only provide winds for our sails, they also continue to challenge us to climb the next peak when we reach the one we were climbing toward.
Have a GREAT and PROFITABLE Week!
Robert Hidde

Don't Like The Results? Change Your Expectations!

2009-06-08T08:30:00.001-05:00

Several years ago I came across the story of a man who was the captain of a ferry boat. As you know, one-hundred years ago the ferry boat was often the only way to get from one side of a river to another. This ferry ran between two towns, separated by a wide river. Often the people from one town would get on the boat and ask the captain “What are the folks in the other town like? Are they friendly? Are they rude? What can I expect?”

The captain would look at them for a moment and answer them with a question, “What are the folks like in your town?” If they answered that the people in the town they lived in were friendly and cheerful, then the captain would tell them that the folks in the town they were going to were also friendly and cheerful. On the other hand, if the answer was that the people in the town they lived in were rude, self-centered and dishonest, the captain’s answer would be that they would find the folks in the new town to be rude, self-centered and dishonest.

This wise old captain had mastered the lesson that so many people fail to ever learn—that for the most part we tend to get from people what we expect. If we look for the bad in people, then that’s probably what we will find. But if we look for the good in them then in most cases we will find it. There seems to be an unwritten law of life that we tend to send signals to those around us that cause them to respond in certain ways to us.

The same can be said for life. What we sincerely expect to happen usually happens. According to those who have studied this phenomenon the deepest recesses of the mind set in motion thoughts and actions to make what we sincerely want (or believe will happen) to be fulfilled. If we don’t really expect much from ourselves or our efforts in certain areas then the mind doesn’t respond with the type of thinking that produces much of anything. But when we really expect big things to happen for us, then the mind comes alive with ideas and innovative approaches that move the expectations into the realm of the doable and possible.

When we approach the week with half-formulated goals, fuzzy plans and an “I just gotta make it to the week-end” attitude, we are really saying we don’t expect much, and we usually get it. However, if we approach the week with well-formulated goals, solid plans and an expectation that by the week-end things will have moved along toward reaching those goals, we often are surprised by the results.

So I ask you, what do you really expect this week? Are you sure it’s big enough?
Have a great and profitable week!
Robert Hidde

Seven Elements For Moving To The Next Level

2009-06-01T08:34:00.003-05:00

June is the beginning of summer for most people. In summer, our thoughts take flights of fancy about cutting out early, vacations, cook-outs, swimming and finding ways to, in the words of that old song “Roll out those lazy, hazy days of summer…” Unfortunately, as unsummerish as it might sound, summer is also time for what has been called the Summer Slump, that’s when sales and productivity take a nose-dive. The summer of 2009 could be a critical one for those of us who haven’t been blessed with stimulus money, a governmental buy-out or aren’t considered “too big to fail.”

To help us “keep our eye on the ball” this summer, I’ve selected seven words (one of everyday of the week) that will remind us of the seven elements for enhancing our career, improving our performance and keeping ourselves motivated toward our objectives. Over the years, I’ve taught these seven elements in seminars and used them in individual professional performance coaching sessions—and I know from the results they’ve produced for people just like you and me that when applied conscientiously and consistently these elements will not only stimulate and motivate, they can propel you to new heights.

To optimize their effectiveness for you, I suggest that you make it your summer project to refer to this edition at the start of each week and once again emphasize that element over the next three months.

Monday
POTENTIAL

William James, credited as being the father of modern psychology wrote, “The human individual…lives usually far within his limits…(We) possess powers of various sorts which (we) habitually fail to us.” These words remind us that not only do most of us fail to live up to our potential (that which we can become), but we often perform far below our established capacity (what we already know we are capable of doing). What would we think of an accomplished singer—one who had Gold Records to her credit—who suddenly decided that the only songs she would sing were nursery rhymes? Or a successful concert pianist who decided to only play “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” in concerts? We would say they were performing far below their capacity. Yet many of us give no thought to living below what we know we are capable of doing. Rediscover what you are capable of doing and then live at those limits (you’ll soon find your limits expanding)!

Tuesday
THINK!

When Thomas J. Watson joined the Computer-Tabulating-Recording Company (later IBM) in 1914 he brought with him the THINK motto that he began using while serving as the Sales & Advertising Manager at National Cash Resister Company (NCR). “Thought” said Watson, “has been the father of every advance since time began. ‘I didn’t think’ has cost the world millions of dollars’.”

Wednesday
ATTITUDE!

Do you have a problem to solve? Are you facing a challenge? Need to get motivated for the week? Feeling that life’s not fair? Regardless of your situation the mindset that you bring to it sets powerful forces into play that can determine the outcome. If we approach our problems, challenges, career, injustices and life with an attitude of “Here we go again” or “Why me, Lord?” it is like activating the “circle the wagons” signal in our brain. All our mental efforts become defensive, our creativity slows down and our focus is directed toward containment. If on the other hand we approach our problems, challenges, career, injustices and life with an attitude of “I’ve solved bigger problems” or “Thank you Lord for believing I can handle this” we activate our creativity, we become motivated by the challenge and become focused on solutions.

Thursday
BELIEF!

What we believe about ourselves, our problems and challenges and life itself goes a long way to determining what our attitude will be. The good news is that we choose what we want to believe. You see, our mind uses our beliefs as its point of reference when it is seeking solutions or developing ideas. Since beliefs, like attitudes are a matter of choice and can be changed through self-discipline and tenacity. To begin changing your belief system begin looking for “evidence” to support what you want to believe in rather than that which will validate your tired, self-defeating beliefs. List these on paper and begin dropping them into your mind at regular intervals. In addition, voice these beliefs to others, politely defend them if necessary and most importantly, don’t be afraid to act on your new beliefs.

Friday
ACTION!

We’ve all known people who have invested either time or money (many times both) to learn and master new skills in order to achieve some objective, but who never quite got started. It is disappointing when a person who has worked hard gives up and quits just before succeeding. It is tragic when someone gives up shortly after getting started. But it is catastrophic when someone takes the time to think, plan, learn new skills and modify old behaviors in order to bring their plans to fruition and for whatever reason never gets started. Ultimately your success and happiness depends on your ability to think, develop the right attitudes, hold the type of positive beliefs that fuel courage and confidence and to put into play the strategies you’ve developed to make your vision a reality—but most of all it requires action!

Saturday
HABIT!

The individual who wants to reach the top in business must appreciate the might of the force of habit…—J. Paul Getty
I recall talking to a young man had graduated with an MBA at the top of his class from a prestigious university with bright prospects, but his career has stalled. Stalled is a mild word, tailspin is a more accurate description of his situation. As we talked it became evident that he had not developed good work habits. Habitually late arriving at the office he would rush through his projects, not follow up on details and cut out early when possible. I asked him how he had managed to get through school with such good grades. He said that he had developed good study habits at an early age and had worked hard. Unfortunately, he had not adapted those habits to the workplace. Too often doing the wrong thing, in the wrong way, at the wrong time becomes a habit, but it can be broken by developing the self-discipline necessary to change those professional habits that are holding us back.

Sunday
OPPORTUNITY!

The man who is intent on making the most of his opportunities is too busy to bother about luck—B.C. Forbes
As used here the word intent means “to plan”, “to aim for”, “to set as a goal”. Once we have identified an opportunity we must put everything we’ve got into taking full advantage of it. Naturally we must assess the opportunity in terms of our capacity to capitalize on it, as well as those areas where our expertise is weak or non-existent; as we consider the upside (potential rewards for us) we must also consider the downside and whether we can live with it. Next we develop our plan, begin executing it and making the necessary course corrections as we work our plan. When we are focused on these things, we don’t have time to worry about luck because we are making up our luck as we go along!

Have a Great Week and make it the start of a Profitable Summer!
Robert Hidde

May 18: What Are You Affirming About Your Future?

2009-05-18T08:10:00.003-05:00

What do you affirm about yourself and your future?

This week-end, I recalled something that happened several years ago while my wife and I were at the farm. It was one of those very dark nights that people who have lived in the city or suburbs all their lives would describe as “creepy”. I went out on the front porch and examined the dark sky looking for rain clouds. All I saw was blackness, no moon, no shadows—I became aware of that amalgam of feelings—isolation and a sense of tranquility. As my gaze dropped from the sky to the meadow in front of the house, I thought I was back in the city—the field was lit up like Times Square. At first, my mind was taken aback by the sight, then I realized that there were thousands of fireflies, seemingly stacked several layers high hovering over the ground as far as the eye could see.

As I looked on this phenomenon of nature, I stepped far enough into the yard to have a panoramic view of the meadow, fireflies and the pitch black sky. Transfixed by the wonder I was beholding the only thought running through my mind was an affirmation that life was good! Finally, I tore myself away from the scene and went back into the house, but that simple affirmation that life was good lifted my spirits and put a smile on my face.

Thinking about my fireflies in the meadow experience and the power of affirmations reminded of a conversation that I’d had a few days before with a retired friend who volunteered how he learned about the power of affirmations. As a young executive he was sent to a retreat where he was told to write down ten things he wanted to achieve over the next ten years. Then he was told to turn them into statements of fact. Instead of saying, “I would like to have a nice house” they were to be specific and say, “By (a certain date) I will have a house with six bedrooms and a swimming pool.” Next, he was to read over these affirmative statements several times each day. “You know what,” my friend said, “I did what they suggested and everyone of my ten things became a reality—many of them long before the ten year time limit. The guys who thought it was hokum were left in my dust!”

The greatest power in the world is the power of the human mind to create conditions to bring about those things that we constantly affirm. So I ask again, what are you affirming about yourself and your future? Are you saying, “I would like” or “I want” instead of “I will have”? Are you fuzzy in what you want or do you clearly affirm what it is you will have?

Let me give seven topics you should begin using positive affirmations about everyday. Affirm that you are a happy person: remember what Lincoln said, “Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be”. Affirm your abilities: stop demeaning yourself, look yourself squarely in the eye and affirm that you have the ability to handle anything! Affirm your potentials: Make an honest assessment of what you are capable of becoming and daily affirm that you will be that person. Affirm the possibilities in your problems instead of affirming the power of your problem over your future. Affirm Your Expectations For The Future: Follow the example of my retired executive friend, make your list of ten things you want to achieve, then affirm that you will have them within a specific time frame (such as five or ten years). Affirm That Which Nurtures You: Daily affirm those things from which you draw spiritual and inner power, inspiration and motivation. Affirm how what you are doing makes a differences in your life, your families life and the lives those who work with you.

Instead of signing off with my usual, “Have a great and profitable week” let me be the first to affirm for you…YOU WILL HAVE A GREAT AND PROFITABLE WEEK!
Robert Hidde

The Key Component For Moving Ahead

2009-05-04T09:17:00.003-05:00

Someone once said that “Losers always limp and winners never whine.” By that they meant that those folks who never seem to get ahead, who are always failing to meet expectations and who can’t seem to “get a break” seem to have a mindset that works against them. Conversely, those who tend to get ahead (even if it is slowly), manage to meet and exceed expectations and have a tendency to “make their own breaks” have a mindset that works for them.

In this job market, this is perhaps best illustrated by those who are looking for work. Now, if you are out of work, that doesn’t mean you are a loser—but if you aren’t careful, you can develop that “loser’s limp” if you don’t guard your attitude.

You see, almost everyday I hear from someone who tells me that the job market is bad. Comments like, “I’ve applied everywhere” and “There just aren’t any jobs” are chanted by phone and glare at me in emails. Most of the comments are from individuals who truly feel that they have exhausted every avenue possible to find a new position. One woman actually told me that “If Norman Vincent Peale were looking for a job today, he’d become a pessimist!”Now, since

Since I operate a search firm, I probably know more about the job market that most job seekers. And one thing I know is that companies have scaled back their use of recruiters because there are so many qualified people on the street. That’s bad news for me and those in my business, but it can be great news for folks seeking employment. In addition to the search business, we provide outplacement services for companies. From November 15 of last year through the end of March 2009 over 74% of the individuals we coached had found jobs. These jobs weren’t greeter jobs at the local box store or positions where you asked the customer if they want their order “super-sized.” More than 2/3’s of them were in the same professional field as they had been working. The other 1/3 involved career changes. In every one of these situations, the individuals involved took the steps required to jump-start their job search.

While there is no magic formula for finding a job, like everything else, one of the key components has to do with the depth of confidence you have in yourself and your abilities. Perhaps nothing in life, regardless of what you are trying to accomplish is as important as convincing yourself that you are the Champion in your profession! If you don’t believe yourself to be the best qualified, highest-performing person to fill a position, be promoted, get the sale or be trusted with more responsibility you will have a hard time projecting either the confidence or competence that managers are looking for in today’s competitive business climate.

One of the biggest obstacles most people face is that they seem to have a sign hanging above them that reads, “I Hope I’m Adequate”. This mindset affects all areas of their lives, but has the greatest impact when it comes to their career.

How do you convince yourself that you are the Champion of your profession? Find a quiet place, shut out all distractions and spend as much time as you need to make an exhaustive list of all the career related accomplishments you can think of—at this point don’t worry whether they are big or small, put them down! Next, write down 25 reasons you are the “champion” in your profession, what makes you better, more efficient, more qualified than others in your field.

These lists will grow over time, so keep adding to them.Review these lists frequently. Read them out loud to yourself every morning. Get enthused about what you’ve accomplished. Call it getting psyched up, self-talk or positive thinking—it doesn’t matter, start believing you are the only person qualified to do the job right, the first time.

Over the stairs outside the Notre Dame football team’s home locker room hangs a simple wooden sign that reads, “Play Like A Champion”. As the team heads for the field each play touches the sign. It is a reminder of their great tradition, inspires the players and sends them the message that they are the “best team on the field.” Believe you are the champion…replace your mental “Play Adequately” sign with on that says “Play Like A Champion” then touch it everyday and you’ll be amazed at the difference it makes!
Have A GREAT and PROFITABLE Week!
and Play Like The Champion You Can BE!!!
Robert Hidde

Three Things To Remember Even In "Tough" Times!

2009-04-20T08:37:00.003-05:00

It is so easy to allow outside influences and opinions to dash our dreams, fuel our fears, frustrate our faith in the future, and fertilize the seeds of failure. That may seem like a strong statement, but since we are all susceptible to the constant bombardment of “bad news” from the media, friends and coworkers, I’m sure upon reflection most thinking people will agree with it.

Yes, we are facing some difficult times, but despite what we are being told, they are nothing compared to the difficulties of past generations. For example, we keep hearing that things are equal to the depression of the 1930’s. Well, in 1931, unemployment was 15.9% and in 1933 it had risen to 24.9%--that in spite of FDR’s massive work programs! And keep in mind, there were no safety nets (unemployment benefits, etc) in the 30’s.

Now, I’m not saying that things are magically going to get better, nor am I saying that the situation can’t get worse. I’m simply pointing out that as a nation, we’ve been in much worse situations and emerged from them stronger and more vibrant! The key is to develop the same mental toughness that our parents and grandparents had—a mind-set that both acknowledged the problems and held out a vision of better days ahead.

Three things I’d like to share with you about this concept. First, don’t ignore the “bad news” but always look for the “good” news! The other day a local television station reported on lay-offs at a company. A big visual over the anchors shoulder heralded “Our Economy In Crisis”. The combination of the visual and word of the lay-offs no doubt had the desired effect on many people. But, and this is important, that same day three companies announced expansion plans or said they were hiring at all levels! While it was mentioned (almost as a after thought), it wasn’t reported with a visual that read, “Bright Spots For Tulsa’s Economy”.

The second thing I’d like to share with you about this is remember that we tend to find what we are looking for. Too often, we tune out or explain away that which contradicts that which runs contrary to what we have allowed ourselves to be told we are supposed to believe. This is herd mentality at its worst! If we allow other people, the media or a couple of setbacks to convince us that “the sky is falling” then we will ignore other indicators that tell us that “it ain’t necessarily so.”

Third, never give up…keep on keeping on, even in the face of discouragement. Back in the early 80’s I met a remarkable old gentleman who had retired as Vice President from one of the country’s largest drugstore chains. For years, I told his story, but for the life of me I can’t recall his last name (I wrote it down, and will find it eventually..you know how that works!). Anyway, his first name was Walter, last name began with an H…Walter was a simple farm boy during the depression. He told his dad that he wanted to go to New York and get a job. Unable to dissuade him, his father suggested he get a telephone book and write to companies before simply hopping a freight and going to the city. Walter discovered that this particular drugstore had over fifty locations in New York, and wrote letters to everyone of them!

Weeks turned to months with no response. Walter refused to give up and announced to his dad that obviously letter writing didn’t work, so he was going to New York to apply in person. His dad scrapped together a meager amount of cash (to keep Walter out of the breadlines for a few days) and bid his son farewell. Upon arriving in New York, he went to one of the drugstores, and was told that all hiring was handled through the main office and was given directions to a big office building.

When Walter walked into the personnel office, he found a long line of job seekers and was told they only had a couple of jobs available but that he could get at the end of the line (most folks, seeing such a line would have turned around and left). A clerk was walking down the line, taking names. When she came to him, he told her his name. She took him by the arm, led him to the front of the line, through the door to the personnel managers office and excitedly announced, “It’s Walter H.!”

The personnel manager stood up, shook his hand and after a brief interview hired him on the spot. Stunned by the turn of events, Walter asked him why he was moved to the front of the line. The personnel manager pointed to a mail sack in the corner and said,

“Young man, there are over 100 letters of application in that sack, all from you—we knew you'd turn up eventually because you obviously want to work for us. We would have contacted you sooner, but you forgot to put a return address on them!”

Have a great and profitable week!
Robert Hidde

Success Rule Number One: It Ain't All About You!

2009-03-30T09:51:00.005-05:00

A man who was, by all appearances very successful consulted me a few years ago. He had the right address, drove the right luxury car and held memberships in all the right clubs. But, as he put it, it seemed that all the things his success had brought him failed to provide a sense of fulfillment. He said that he felt empty, that there was a piece missing.

After visiting with him for a couple of hours, he said, “You know, my problem is that it’s always been about me. But I realize now that the only way to be happy and successful is to make it about others, because if I make it about others first, then what I need and want will take care of itself.”

Then he added, “And most important, I’ll start liking the man whose face I shave every morning.”

You see, making “it all about me and what I want or need” causes us to lose respect for ourselves. Deep down we know when we have taken advantage of a customer’s lack of knowledge, stole a coworker’s ideas, or taken full credit for something that others made contributions toward achieving. At some point, you will stop liking the man whose face you shave or the woman whose face you apply make-up to each morning.

The most important ingredient for success is knowing how you define success. It is fine to define it with material things (that’s how we keep score).

But also remember that in getting from where you are today to where you plan to be tomorrow means making it about finding ways to help and encourage others. As Zig Ziglar has often said, “help enough people get what they want and you’ll get what you want.”

Have a great and profitable week!
Robert Hidde

More Random Thoughts: Get Motivated / Are We Anxiety Junkies

2009-03-23T09:08:00.005-05:00

Last week was one of those weeks! I had several different projects working, while I didn’t feel overwhelmed (I had things planned out pretty well), I just couldn’t seem to get motivated. Knowing that deadlines were looming and that I had to put forth my best effort on at least two of the projects, and use my best negotiating skills on the third, I asked myself, “How can I get enthused and motivated about getting started and gettin’ ‘er done?”

The answer surfaced almost immediately, “Practice what you’ve been ‘preaching’ to audiences for the past twenty-five years.” I did, and I got ‘em done!
Was it some positive affirmation that got me moving? No!
Was it some mystic mantra that I repeated over and over? No!
Was it some inspirational story or article that I reread? No!

What I did was to practice a modified version of William James (whom many consider to be the father of modern psychology) “act as if principle” which states that in order to acquire certain traits or characteristics, we should “act as if” we already possessed them and by doing so they will become second-nature with us. As I said, I used a modified version of it. What I did was to ask myself, “If I were really motivated to do this, how would I act and what would I be doing.” Once I had a clear vision of the answers, I simply began acting out the vision of a highly motivated person. It works!
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Have We Become Anxiety Junkies?

Okay, I admit it, On week-ends I often read mysteries and thrillers to relax. A good story pulls me in without taxing my brain too much. I am not required to remember much information (I can always thumb back a couple of pages if I forget who this character is or what’s going on) and don’t usually try too hard to figure out “who dunnit” since the whole purpose of my reading is to relax my mind.

Saturday, I began reading Steve Martini’s new mystery, “Shadow of Power” and ran across the phrase, “anxiety junkies cruising for another hit.” Let me give you some background, Lawyer Paul Madriani’s good friend, Sam Arnsberg’s son is accused of murdering an attorney who is one of those talk-show talking heads and has written a best seller that has ignited racial unrest (I won’t go further, but it is an interesting yarn). Arnsberg’s son left home at seventeen after a fight with his father, drifted into a life of petty crime and fell in with a group of self-styled neo-Nazi types.

Madriani referred his old friend to two of the nation’s top criminal attorneys, both of whom refused to get involved in such a racially and politically charged case. Thus, Madriani must take the case.

Toward the end of the section introducing him to the reader, Arnsberg tells Madriani about the news reporters camped outside his house 24/7 and their intrusions into their lives, including chasing his wife down the driveway. Since the book is written in first person, we are privy to Madriani’s thoughts.

Upon hearing about the news media’s obsession with the family, his thoughts are “Breaking news is now anything on videotape that can be used to punctuate the ever-rising flood of ads. Every story, no matter what or where, is now national news. Johnny had a fight with Jimmy in the third grade, and the whole country is told about it by breathless “reporters” handing from news choppers…Unless you knew better, you might swear that Chicken Little has taken over the newsroom and bolted the door. Hyping hysteria and peddling panic around the clock…And everybody watches, anxiety junkies cruising for another hit, just in case there’s some real news.”Sure, there’s things we need to worry about, but maybe, just maybe if we stopped feeding our minds so much bad news about things we have no control over, we’d be less stressed, more effective and have much less stress.
Have a great and profitable week!
Robert Hidde
confidentliving@aol.com

Random Thoughts About Building Enthusiasm and Self Confidence

2009-03-16T08:59:00.002-05:00

I am constantly writing down ideas, illustrations and other brilliant thoughts so I can develop them into columns. This past week-end, I went through my scraps of paper in search of inspiration and decided to simply share a couple of these random thoughts those notes.

Move Information From Your Head To Your Heart…

Sales people can memorize a sales script that has been perfected and proven effective, deliver it line by line and still fail to produce sales…
A person can memorize all the “right” answers to interview questions and still not make the final cut for the job…
A speaker can memorize a brilliantly written speech, have flawless delivery, yet fail to move the audience to action…
We could go on and on with examples of memorized information that either fell flat when delivered or failed to deliver the desired results. The big question is, “Why?”

Communication research indicates that one of the main reasons for such outcomes is that while the individual had the information in their head, they didn’t have it in their hearts. Whether we are interviewing for a job, selling a product to a prospect or an idea at work, making a speech or whatever, we must exude a natural enthusiasm that comes from passion. That passion is the result of really believing what we are saying to be true.

In order to make our head knowledge “heart” knowledge we need to internalize the information, thus moving it beyond the level of good information to the level of strong belief based on the foundation of the information. We do this by repeating the information over and over to ourselves and other people as we have opportunity. This is the method many professional speakers use to hone their stories—they tell the story to anyone who will listen dozens of times—before ever telling it to a live audience.

So next time you have good information in your head, internalize it by repeating it over and over, as you do your conviction of its rightness will build and when you need it the most, it will be accompanied by a passion that is born from affirming something you have faith in.

Be Careful What You Remember…

A great preacher once cautioned a congregation to be careful what they remembered because the things we choose to remember becomes the basis for what we believe about ourselves and circumstances.

I think that preacher was right. If we choose to remember all the dumb things we done, then we develop a mindset that we can’t do anything right, which will erode our confidence. If we choose to remember things beyond our control that went wrong when we tried to sell something or present an idea, then that causes us to hesitate because we believe the old adage “whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.” If we choose to remember how badly we messed up in a job interview or making a presentation, we can become paralyzed by fear for embarrassing ourselves again, regardless of how well prepared or qualified we are.

Of course, we can’t erase every bad event, but we can choose to deliberately remember those successes we’ve had in life. Pull them up, relive the moment, savor the way you felt afterwards. By doing this you will begin to build a positive (yet realistic) belief system that can help elevate you to the next level.
Have a great and profitable week!
Robert Hidde

Monday March 9: Regardless of the economy, Here's A Real Role Model

2009-03-08T19:10:00.002-05:00

The times I was around him, I always stood somewhat in awe of Paul Harvey. Not because he was arrogant—he was anything but that. Nor because he was a world famous personality—he was as down to earth as anyone could be. Neither was it because he seemed aloof and unapproachable—he never gave that impression.

I and most others (some well-known people) felt a sense of awe toward him because of three things. And they were things that mattered in the days when I was growing up and the early years of my career.

Unfortunately, during the last twenty-five or so years, they are things that are under valued these days to the detriment of not only our society, but I fear to the careers of many promising young men and women who either weren’t taught the importance of these things or else they preferred to hang with the masses at the bottom or middle of the ladder of success, rather than stand alone at its top.

First, Paul Harvey had a presence that could not be overlooked in any crowd. He didn’t just amble aimlessly into a room—he walked into it in a very deliberate manner. Head held high, shoulders back, that famous smile on his face. As he approached old friends, new friends and about to become friends, he made eye contact as he extended his hand and introduced himself (as if he needed introducing). He didn’t run the gauntlet of well wishers, no, he moved slowly speaking briefly to everyone and for that moment, a person felt that he or she was the most important person in Paul Harvey’s world. He was also old school in that good manners (beyond “please” and “thank you”) were second nature with him.

Second, Paul Harvey had a professional image that commanded respect because it said “I can be trusted, I know my business”. As I was listening to one of the ABC radio tributes to him, the commentator recalled working for Mr. Harvey. As you know, those radio news and commentary programs originated from Chicago early in the morning. The commentator said that he and the rest of the staff would arrive at the station, looking disheveled, like they had slept in their clothes. At 3:30 AM, Mr. Harvey would walk in…”looking like Paul Harvey.” Which meant, freshly pressed suit, starched shirt, tie, trade mark pocket handkerchief and highly polished shoes. After mentioning this, he remarked that this said something about Paul Harvey, because only his staff would see him for at least three hours!

Third, Paul Harvey was committed to excellence. The son of a murdered Tulsa law enforcement officer, he began working at Tulsa’s KVOO radio in 1933 while still attending Central High School he believed he had a God-given potential and opportunity that he had to make the most of. And make the most of it he did. But he did it without cutting corners (or throats), he did it by making the most of every opportunity and mastering his craft, lifting it to as lofty a height as he could. He was rewarded by the 22 million people who tuned in to hear those words, “Stand by for news…”

I said I felt that there were three things about Paul Harvey that set him apart, but there was one other thing that I believe served as the foundation for those three. Paul Harvey believed in the values that made America great. He not only believed in them, he lived and practiced them, and perhaps that is why we know, “the rest of the story.”

Now, as Paul Harvey would say, “Page four…” Have a great and profitable week!
Robert Hidde

Dented Optimism vs The Alternative Mode of Getting Where You Want To Be

2009-03-02T08:31:00.004-06:00

Last week I was reading an article in The Wall Street Journal about the current economic situation when I ran across a phrase that has stuck in my mind. The phrase, referring to investors, etc spoke of “dented optimism.”

I like that phrase, if you can call two words a phrase. After rereading the sentence, I laid the paper aside and allowed my mind to conjure up images of what “dented optimism” looked like. I kept coming back to the image of my neighbor’s car. Someway, somehow (I know no the why or what of it), she had dented the front left fender. While the dent was unsightly, it did not render the car unsafe (the headlight still works), nor did it make the car un-drivable. No doubt my neighbor feels somewhat self-conscious as she tools about town in her dented Honda, but the fact is, it still gets her where she is going.

Now, after the dent occurred (again, I know the why or how of it) she could have taken the attitude, “My gosh! What happens if the dent is worse than it looks, perhaps there is hidden damage that I can’t see. Maybe the bolts that hold the fender on are damaged so badly that it will fall off when I hit top speeds on the expressway.” Or she could have thought, “What will people think of me? Driving a dented car, I mean someone sitting beside me at a light might think I did it while drunk. And all my friends, who have un-dented cars will make fun of me…” Had she allowed such thinking to permeate her mind, she would have decided the vehicle was both an affront to her image and contained unseen safety problems, thus meaning that she would be without transportation.

NOTE: I know she can get it fixed, but let’s assume she has a very high deductable and just follow the illustration…

In my daily business, I talk to people all the time whose optimism about the country, their business, their careers and their future has been dented. Like my neighbor, they have a very high deductible. Some of them are convinced that the dent on their fender of optimism about the future is much worse than it seems. They are paralyzed by fear, constantly kick themselves for bad investments and/or not anticipating what has happened. They literally refuse to “drive” because they are afraid the fender might come off, thus causing worse damage to their vehicle. So they stand in the cold waiting to join the throngs of others riding the bus of pessimism and fear.

Others, fearing they will get more dents simply park their optimism in the garage and do nothing. Still others are so embarrassed by the dent and are concerned about what their peers will think. Some of them opt to avoid being around their friends (who are probably as dented, if not more so that they are); they stop trying to find better positions, create sales opportunities or develop new contacts—for fear someone will point out their dent. They opt to stand in the rain waiting to board the standing room-only trolley of doom and gloom.

Personally, I think driving around in this economy with dented optimism beats riding the over-crowed bus of pessimism and fear or taking the standing room only trolley of doom and gloom.

Remember the glass of water that is either half full or half empty? I know it is what some of my thirty-something readers dismiss as “old school” but how we answer that question will go along way in determining the way you handle the dents the current economic situation have made in your optimism.
So, even if you are driving around in a dented optimism vehicle...make it a profitable and great week!
Robert Hidde

We Are In The Worst Crisis Since Daughter Failed Driver's Test!

2009-02-23T08:39:00.001-06:00

We are in the worst crisis since Davy Crockett and Jim Bowie found they were outgunned and out-manned at the Alamo…
This is the worst Global crisis Adam and Eve messed up in the Garden…
This is the worst crisis since the Chicago (no pun or inference intended) Fire…
This is the worst crisis since my daughter failed her driving test on her sixteenth birthday…

Okay, I’m getting carried away, but I thought I’d add a few old crises to the mix of other crises being used to tell us that it is “worse than.” Yeah, it ain’t necessarily great out there, but those of us who’ve been around awhile can tell you that it ain’t necessarily hopeless and we sure aren’t helpless as individuals.

There is an old story about a move during the early 1800’s to close the U.S. Patent office because it was felt that no new innovations or inventions would be forthcoming—that we’d reached the zenith in new ideas! As you know, cooler heads prevailed and over the past 100+ years we’ve seen this lack of innovation bring forth things like the telegraph, telephone, computers, cellular phones, the internet and of course, the microwave oven. I almost forgot, we also put men on the moon!

The point is regardless of how bad things may appear (and thinking we had no more innovations and inventions was bad because it challenged American ingenuity and no discouraged some bright young inventors), there are always opportunities if we aren’t afraid to look for them and take the steps necessary to avail ourselves of them.

Take this stimulus spending bill that recently passed. As I wrote in the February “Hidde Report” (commentary on employment trends, job search, etc) “Whether or not you approve of the stimulus package that at this writing is making its way through the legislative process to the White House, it represents the cards you are being dealt.

At first glance, you might not see how any of the areas targeted in it can help advance your career goals. But, take a long look at the “trickle” down effect it can have on your profession. For example, large amounts are supposed to be funneled into road and infrastructure repair. Granted, you probably aren’t looking for a job on a road crew or as a construction worker, but those aren’t the only positions that will be expanded or created.

Road and infrastructure repair will require expertise in engineering, technical aptitude, raw and finished materials, transportation, logistics, project managers, and support staff. In short, every company up and down the supply chain represents an opportunity for skilled professionals to forge new career paths.

The bill’s emphasis on new energy sources represents exciting new opportunities to apply your expertise in emerging industries. Even if you aren’t directly involved in the new energy companies, there will be expansions in support industries that will demand fresh faces and ideas.

These two examples illustrate how other areas in the bill could expand opportunities for positive career movement. Obviously, a person will need to take the time to analyze those areas that directly relate to his or her transferable skills and research the various projects being funded to determine how those skills can fit in the delivery chain. To the person willing put forth the effort to analyze and seize these new opportunities, the stimulus bill could open lucrative new career doors and provide a fist full of dollars!”

Look for opportunities you can leverage and have a stimulated, great and profitable week!
Robert Hidde

Panic or Perspective...I'll Take Perspective!

2009-02-16T09:06:00.001-06:00

I admit I was somewhat annoyed by a story I read in the Sunday, February 15, 2009 Tulsa World. Okay, more than annoyed! Okay, it wasn’t the story, rather the way it exploited an unemployed person. Sure, they were just repeating what was said in their interview, but it was obvious that the whole point of the story was to convince folks how bad it was in the job market…and to subconsciously encourage people to take advantage of pubic assistance. The story featured a woman who had been laid off less than a month ago. She had sent ten (count them, 10) résumés and signed up with one temp agency—and well, you can read the story in the Tulsa World archives. Let me stress that I am not demeaning this obviously conscientious lady, nor do I quarrel with her feeling she needs assistance.

Now, don’t get me wrong, as owner of a recruiting and outplacement firm for more than twenty years, I know the job market is not as robust as it was a few months ago. And, I have no problem with welfare and other public assistance for those who really need it and who have exhausted every avenue to find work. My problem is that the main thrust of almost every report we see these days is that it is all but impossible for the unemployed to find employment, and for the employed to find better jobs.

For several months there has been a concerted effort to convince us that this is the worst economy since the Great Depression. Fact, it isn’t anywhere near that. From 1923-1929 the average unemployment rate was 3.3%. In 1931 it jumped to 15.9%. In 1933 the rate was 24.9%, then dropped to 19.1% in 1938 and 9.9% in 1941. After the United States entered World War II the 1942 rate came in at 4.7%. Move forward thirty years and we discover that the 1975 unemployment rate was 8.5%.

I don’t mean to bore you with statistics, but we need to exchange panic for perspective!

In Mid-November of last year, a company retained my firm, Hidde Career Services to handle outplacement for a group of mid-level individuals in a very narrow specialty. By the end of December 60% had found employment in what was considered to be a difficult profession to find work.

My wife owns The Résumé Source, a career development service that serves people at all levels not only nationwide, but thanks to the internet around the world. Over 75% of here clients are currently employed and most report good results in finding better opportunities as they conduct discreet job searches.

There’s an old myth that says, “Good things come to those who wait”—that might be true in some instances, but in today’s media driven frenzy, we could say that “He or she who hesitates, loses!” By that I mean, open your eyes to the opportunity created by the faint of heart, refine your message, go for the promotion, redouble your efforts and in the words of one of my readers who responded to my email informing everyone that Monday Morning was back, “Don’t let the bastards get you down!”
Have a great and profitable week!
Robert Hidde

Getting The Undecideds To "Vote" For You

2008-11-03T09:20:00.001-06:00

Well, in 48 hours it will all be over!

The final votes will have been cast and counted; the results will have been castigated by the losers and commended as a “mandate” by the winners.

And of course (if recent history is any indicator) the lawyers will go to work.

Then, the 2012 race for the White House will probably get underway!

While I admit, I’m tired of this prolonged election cycle, there are some important things we can learn from it that can become springboards for our careers. One of the most important is that there are a lot of “undecided” voters still out there.

According to the last report I heard, one in seven of them are “persuadable” (meaning they can still be swayed). Lesson to be learned: Too often we tend to assume that everyone we need to influence has already made up his or her mind.

Recently, I had a salesman tell me that after two meetings with a potential large account, he wrote it off completely because they seemed to be disinterested. Then he ran into one of the company contacts at a function. This person expressed surprise that she hadn’t heard from him again about his product offering. What he had interpreted as “undecided” was really a silent plea for him to get beyond the specs of his product and show the buyers how his product could solve their problems.

Over the years, I’ve known many people who felt that their careers were stalled because of indifferent managers, when in truth the manager was still trying to make up his or her mind about the individual—in other words, they were “undecided”—waiting for the person to illustrate that they were ready for more responsibility and worthy of promotion.

The key to persuading the “undecideds” in your life is to remember that people do things for their reason, not yours. This means you need to identify their “pain” and show them how you can help alleviate it.

Vote early (and vote often)!
Have a great and profitable week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

Signs It's Time To Update Your Resume

2008-10-26T08:06:00.003-05:00

Sean was still in shock when he called my office. “I never saw it coming,” he told me. “I knew business was off, but I was blind sided when they eliminated my job.”

Anytime there is a downturn in the economy the number of calls and emails from people like Sean increase to recruiters, career counselors and résumé writers. And almost without exception, they all claim they didn’t see it coming.

Many employees seem to think that when times turn tough management simply begins indiscriminately cutting jobs. While such a scenario might be true of a very small minority of companies the truth is, companies in the twenty-first century view good performing employees as their greatest resource, not an expense.

Top managers know that innovation and ideas don’t come from business plans or computer generated projections. They come from people who possess the technical knowledge, customer skills and specialized expertise to breathe life into plans and projections. In other words, companies are cognizant of performance and decisions about job cuts are made after careful evaluation of performance. This on-going process of evaluation doesn’t just happen when business “turns south” rather has been going on for months prior to any cuts.

So, whether business and economic outlooks are great or grim, what are some of the signals an employee should pick up on that tell them it’s time to update their résumé and start exploring their options? Hidde Career Services research shows that the top signals employees need to watch for are:
The company misses revenue targets in consecutive quarters. Regardless of the size of the business, its main product must be profits. Without profits companies can’t remain competitive, obtain needed financing, pay shareholders, upgrade technology, fund research, carry out effective marketing, and support payroll.
An unexpected reduction in training budgets. If management anticipates having to eliminate positions they will be less likely to invest resources in on-going training for people who may be laid off. This may also be a red flag that new projects are slowing down, thus negating the need for upgrading employee skills.
Budgeted new positions go unfilled. In most organizations facing potential cuts the first positions to be eliminated are those that were being created to handle projected new business. Not filling them or completely doing away with them is often a harbinger of potential job cuts in coming months.
Failure to fill vacant positions and/or a hiring freeze in other departments. If openings resulting from employees retiring or those who quit are not being filled it can be an indication that management is anticipating staff reductions due to revenue shortfalls or lack of new orders.
A Reduction in responsibilities or a change in the type of projects being assigned. Being assigned lower level projects, having projects reassigned to other teams or finding that they’ve been left out of the loop is often an indication that an employee’s position is being evaluated for elimination.
Changes in the attitude of managers. Many managers give subtle non-verbal signals to employees that their performance is below expected levels. Smart employees seek feed back on their performance when they become aware of them. These include no time for informal chats, slowness in responding to emails, not including them in meetings, becoming distant and not having time for impromptu meetings with the employee during the work day.

Action Steps When You See Red-Flags At Work
Update your résumé and begin a discreet networking campaign so you won’t be caught unprepared in the event your position is eliminated
If you suspect that your manager isn’t pleased with your performance, don’t wait for formal reviews, request a review so you can identify and fix the perceived problems.
Become proactive, go to your manager and explore ways to you can make a greater contribution to the company’s objectives.
Ask for more complex assignments to demonstrate your abilities and value to the company.
Identify areas where you need to improve your skills.
Look for opportunities to reduce costs, increase revenues or improve efficiencies.
Remember: New positions are always available for top performers, so recommit yourself to excellence and exceed expectations.
Have a Great and Profitable Week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

Michael Phelps, Valadimir Putin and Going For The Gold

2008-08-18T09:32:00.004-05:00

"A man's worth is no greater than

the worth of his ambitions”
Marcus Aurelius

What do Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps and Vladimir Putin have in common?
The answer would seem to be that they both know exactly what they want and are willing to do what it takes to get it. Granted, Mr. Putin’s objectives are not as honorable as Mr. Phelps (and I meant no disrespect to Mr. Phelps by linking him with Mr. Putin) but they represent the power of ambition that has turned to concrete objectives.

As you probably know by now, Michael Phelps has won a record breaking eight gold medals at the Olympics. I was struck by his response to an interviewers question as to how he achieved this feat. “I eat, sleep and swim” was his reply.

Michael Phelps is a competitor who realizes that he can not only exceed his own accomplishments, but in doing so prove that he is the best of the best. No, there doesn’t seem to be any malice toward other swimmers, nor is there any hint of cheating on his part as he pursues his goals.

As I thought about this, I was reminded of a meeting I was in several years ago with a group of people who were trying to figure out how to increase market share. One of the industry veterans continually used words like compete, vie for, win, contend for, and beat the competition. While I was silently agreeing with the concepts he was presenting (there was nothing underhanded or unethical about his strategies), most of the other individuals in the room made it clear that his approach made them uncomfortable. Finally, the Marketing Director interrupted him by saying, “John, while I can appreciate the contributions you’ve made to this company’s growth in the past, your thinking is too old school for the business model we are following in today’s sophisticated market.”

He then went on to say, “Today, everyone in the industry understands that we are not competitors, we are colleagues sharing the same goal who happen to work for different companies.” From there he went on to explain that in his opinion, emphasizing the competitive differences between products created a mental mindset of “winning at any cost. We are all focused on serving the customer, which means we must restrain ourselves when it comes to allowing our ambition, as a company or individually to govern us.” I instantly understood why, under the leadership of this marketing director the company’s market-share had nose-dived.

This gentleman and his colleagues had bought into the notion that competition results in unethical practices and a win at any cost mentality.

Personally, I prefer to be like Michael Phelps—know what I can do, raise the bar, set high goals and “eat, sleep and swim” as I compete with the best of the best for the gold.
How about you?
Have a great and profitable week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com
roberthidde.com

Finding The Meat At A Vegetarian Barbeque

2008-08-04T11:09:00.003-05:00

Monday Morning has been in hiatus so I take a few weeks off to recharge my mental batteries and to do some serious thinking about today’s subject.

From a middle-aged manager: “I’ve lost my edge. Maybe you can help me get it back. I’m good at what I do, but frankly, for the past ten years or so, I just don’t get any real satisfaction out of my successes.”

From a thirty-something sales rep: “I don’t know why, but I feel burned out. I just can’t get motivated. Sure, I’m keeping my numbers up, but I’ve lost the ‘zip’ that used to drive me.”

From an executive: “Nowadays, I feel like I’m on a journey from success to mediocrity.”

Have you ever felt that way? Increasingly, I am hearing similar comments from people of all ages working in companies ranging from Fortune 50’s to small business owners, who represent a broad spectrum of professions.

Over the past few years, I’ve noticed that I have had to fight feeling the same way. At first, I tried to chalk-it-up to the year-long recovery from my 1998 aortic aneurysm surgery and the continuing limitations on my activities resulting from it. But after a few years of hearing the same flatness expressed by others who hadn’t had aortic aneurysm surgery, it became obvious that there was something else going on—and it wasn’t just me. While I still found satisfaction in what I did (writing, coaching, speaking, etc), it still seemed like I was attending a barbeque sponsored by vegetarians—lots of good food, but no meat (if you are a vegetarian I mean no criticism)!

What did I do? I refined my processes for doing business, re-envisioned my long-term goals, revised my material (updated from the 70’, 80’ and 90’s), revamped my strategies and revisited my approach to handling problems and setbacks. I analyzed my attitude, amplified my aptitude and augment my ability to work with technology so my 11 year old granddaughter didn’t have to explain it to me! But still, the edge kept dulling and my internal fire tended to quickly turn to embers.

As more and more people expressed related feelings and frustrations, I moved from self assessment to examining changes in business mores’ that have become predominate over the last 25 years. My method for doing this included rereading books and articles by the guru’s of the business and motivational genre during that time period, and involved reading biographies/autobiographies of business leaders, as well as having conversations with successful people I was acquainted with.

It became clear to me that the common denominator for successful people remaining fully energized, challenged and fulfilled had more to do with the way they approached life and business than with methods and measurements. What is that common denominator? Thriving on competition!

Take a look at the following quotes and I think you’ll see what I mean.

“Live daringly, boldly, fearlessly. Taste the relish to be found in competition -- in having put forth the best within you.” Henry J. Kaiser
“A competitor will find a way to win. Competitors take bad breaks and use them to drive themselves just that much harder. Quitters take bad breaks and use them as reasons to give up. It's all a matter of pride.” --LPGA Golfer, Nancy Lopez
“Thank God for competition. When our competitors upset our plans or outdo our designs, they open infinite possibilities of our own work to us.” -- Gil Atkinson

All of the August Monday Mornings will take a look at the power of competition to motivate us, empower us and create staying power; how many of us had our competitive edge “domesticated” out of us, and some simple steps to regain it.
Have a great and profitable week…
Robert Hidde bob@confidentliving.com

The Ten Characteristics of Winners

2008-07-07T09:04:00.001-05:00

A long time reader of Monday Morning’s computer crashed. He kept “The Ten Characteristics of Winners” that I published a few years ago on the system for daily access. He emailed me requesting that I reprint it. So, in response to his request, and as a reminder to all of us, here it is:

1. Winners Direct Their Activities Toward Predetermined Objectives. All their efforts are organized as being steps toward the vision they have for themselves. They have prioritized and planned their activities in such a way as to move them one step closer to their ultimate objective.

2. Winners Correct Course Quickly. These people realize that plans are really theories based on available information and experience about getting from point A to point B. Therefore, they are alert to the warning signs of change and make the adjustments needed to weather a storm, creatively handle problems or develop new ways to meet challenges.

3. Winners Collect Information. They constantly seek out new ideas, new ways of doing things and new trends and developments in their industry.

4. Winners Connect New Information With What They’ve Been Doing. Winners sift through the information they gather, determine how it might improve their performance and then find ways to connect it with what has been working for them.

5. Winners Affect Other People Positively. Winners are comfortable with who they are and take time to listen to people and build them up, inspire them and motivate them.

6. Winners Respect The Rules. Because they know that their reputation, credibility and future relationship with buyers, peers and centers of influence depends on their integrity, winners will walk away from a deal before they use dishonest or unethical tactics in their pursuit of business.

7. Winners Reject Mediocrity. They realize that excellence is a road that must be traveled every day and commit themselves to it in every area of their lives.

8. Winners Project A Winning Image. First impressions are important! Consistent winners know that prospects, centers of influence and the general public make up their minds about credibility and whether or not to do business with them in first the ten to fifteen seconds before words are spoken.

9. Winners Deflect Negative Thinking. They don’t waste time with “if only I’d done this” thinking when things don’t work out as planned. Instead they focus on “this is what I’ll do next time.” Deflecting negative thinking also means they refuse to let the negative attitudes of others drag them down, in fact most winners don’t spend much time socializing with whiners!

10. Winners Expect To Win! While winners are realistic enough to know they may not win every time, they go into every business situation expecting to win. It is an interesting psychological fact that outcomes are largely determined by what we expect to happen.

Have a great and profitable week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com
http://roberthidde.com

The American Dream (Reprint from July 3, 2003)

2008-07-03T10:24:00.003-05:00

This is a reprint of the July 3, 2003 "The American Dream" Monday Morning

A young man once told me that I grew up at the tail end of the American Dream. By that he meant that I was fortunate enough to get in on the belief that by daring to dream big, think big, pray big and work hard I could make a better life for myself than my parents and grandparents had. He also meant that in his case (and the case of his generation) the American dream was a thing of the past, that to dare to hope to better one’s self or to dream of doing so would only lead to futility of effort and disappointment.

I’ve been making speeches and coaching people in their careers for over 25 years and have heard this kind of talk before. Frankly, I feel sorry for these people who have bought into the idea that the best is not yet to come—that the future was yesterday and there’s no reason to push forward and dare to breakthrough the limitations that seem to confront us as individuals and as a nation.

This great nation, whose birth we celebrate this weekend was founded by people with a can do attitude. I’m not just talking about the framers of the Declaration of Independence, I ’m talking about the average merchant, shop keeper, farmer and worker. These people were, for the most part simple people, rugged individualist who strove in the face of seemingly overwhelming odds to carve out a better life for themselves and their children. For the most part, they didn’t have the type of education we have, nor did they have the resources we possess—their tools consisted mainly of a determination to make their dream a reality. When the dream became dim, their faith and work ethic would rekindle their dream.

During my journey through life, I have discovered that in reality the American Dream is really nothing more that the spirit of our forefathers redefined in each of us, in a sense the American Dream is really the American Spirit. That spirit resides in each of us. The problem is that too often it is buried under the layers of negativity that we have absorbed from friends and all the bad news we are bombarded with.

I don’t for one moment believe that the best has already happened – for our country or for any individual who has what it takes to break away from the pack of nay-sayers and recapture that American Spirit that has propelled hundreds of people toward realizing their dreams of financial security and a better life.

Of course, that’s easier said than done. It requires that we look for opportunities and not just obstacles. It requires that we focus on what we can do and not what we can’t do. It requires that we risk failure in order to secure our future. It requires that we keep trying when we wish we could quit. And it requires that we go against the prevailing tides of pessimism, negativity and gloom that are so prevalent among so many people we come in contact with each day.

So this week-end while you’re reflecting on our nation’s founding, spending time with your family and watching the fireworks take a few moments to let the American Spirit that helped make ordinary people into extraordinary achievers take hold of your mind. Then don’t be afraid to dream big, think big, pray big and work toward realizing your own American Dream.

There is an old story about a little boy who was standing on a hill with a pellet gun one summer evening. He was shooting toward the moon. One of his neighbors joined him and inquired what he thought he was doing.
‘I’m going to shoot the moon down’

‘That’s ridiculous’ replied the man, ‘You’ll never reach the moon with that pellet gun!’
The little boy thought for a moment and then said, ‘Yeah, but right now I’m coming closer to it with every shot that you are.’

That’s the American dream in action---and if I might add, even if you don’t “hit the moon” your American dream is aimed at, you’ll be amazed at what you will hit!”

As we approach the Fourth of July holiday I’m sure most of our thoughts are turned to how we plan to spend the three day weekend. I do hope you will also take some time to think about the significance of what we celebrate and what it means to you and your family.
Have a Wonderful Independence Day!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

Lessons From One of THOSE People

2008-06-30T09:45:00.002-05:00

Yesterday afternoon my wife and I drove out to her office so she could respond to a request from one of her clients. As I pulled into the small parking lot, I saw one of THOSE young people at the south end of the lot. You know who THOSE young people are, don’t you? THOSE young people whip around pedestrians on the sidewalks. THOSE young people zoom through parking lots. Some of THOSE young people even fly down residential streets disregarding traffic.

As you have figured out by now, THOSE young people are skateboarders!

Since this young fella was watching to see what we were going to do (or say), I decided to remain outside while my wife went into the building. Apparently he decided he could continue to do whatever it was he was up to when I gave the appearance of ignoring him. At this point, I need to explain that the entire block of small office buildings is terraced, so each individual parking lot is lower (or higher, depending on which way you look) that the adjoining lot.

“Will,” I heard him call out, “Here I come, are you ready?” And with that he zipped across the parking lot, hit the railroad tie at the north end, flipped his skateboard, flew through the air into the lot to the north (which is probably 5 or 6 feet lower)—and landed flat on his face! I almost went to check on him, but decided to wait. He stood up, laughed and said to Will (who was out of my line of sight on the lower lot), “Let’s try this again!” And he did—a total of four more times in fact.

In this instance, the fourth time was the charm. That time, when he hit the railroad tie, expertly flipped the skateboard into the air, he came down on the board and triumphantly rode it to the far end of the lot. The invisible Will suddenly came into view holding a small video camera yelling, “Awesome, man, awesome!” After a couple of high-fives, the boys took their skateboard and, with a spring in their step, walked toward the neighborhood.

Later on, after I got home, I couldn’t get this little drama out of my mind. Several lessons began emerging as I pondered what I had witnessed.

First, since Will had a camera going, these boys apparently had a reason for what they were doing. They weren’t just out there having fun, they were working hard to get it right. Never once did I hear Will complain about it getting late, about it being hot (the sun was beating down on the lots) or that he wanted a turn on the skateboard. No, Will’s job that afternoon was to capture the moment of success and the thrill of victory when our skateboarder (finally) got it right!

Second, our skateboarder had learned what too many of us either never learned (or fail to apply), which is the power of seeing ourselves succeeding. After every failed attempt, the young man would get up off the asphalt, pick up his skateboard and tell Will (and himself), “I can SEE myself doing it perfect.”

Third, he kept trying, despite the number of mishaps he had experienced.

Fourth, he analyzed what he did wrong and instead of beating himself up for his bad technique (as I watched, I realized that it takes skill to flip a skateboard correctly) and he acted to correct it immediately.

Fifth, his seeing success, keeping on in the face of frustrating failure, acting to adjust his technique paid off as he experienced the exhilaration that comes when the agony of defeat finally turns into the thrill of victory.

Those principles are valid whether we are trying to master tricks on a skateboard, sell a product, manage a department, or complete a difficult project. I got a skateboard to remind me of these principles. Don’t worry, it’s just a picture of a skateboard I downloaded as background for my computer screen (I’m not senile enough to take up riding one—yet).

In business and life, why not “Skateboard” your way to a great and profitable week?
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com
roberhidde.com

The Winner's Edge

2008-06-16T09:09:00.002-05:00

I knew the story on the news was about the Olympic gymnastics team. Since I’ve never been a big follower of the Olympic games, I wasn't really paying attention to the report. Then I heard these words, “They have done these routines so often that they can almost do them flawlessly without thinking…” The reporter pointed out that the same could be said of all the teams in this years competition, “So, what is the winning edge?”

The answer that came out of the report was “ATTITUDE.” The American gymnastic team even has a special coach whose sole function is to pump up their attitude. I stopped getting ready to to go to work and sat down to hear the rest of the report.

Half expecting to hear those old tired mantras like, “I’m getting better and better everyday in everyway,” or “I’m the greatest” I was pleasantly surprised by the approach the “attitude coach” used. There was no hype or bravado in what she was teaching these young women. Instead, she was teaching them to think and say phrases like,

“I’ve done this before and I can do it again”

“Almost finished, I can finish strong”

“I know how to do this and do it right”

The purpose of these phrases was to instill a winning positive attitude that will give the individuals the edge they need to not only excel but emerge victorious during competition. These young athletes seemed to understand that the skill level between them and other teams will be almost equal, and that their mental toughness and attitude about their ability will be the difference between winning the gold or simply settling for the silver or bronze.

This report got me thinking about the fact that regardless of what we do, often the difference between us and those we compete with (whether it is for business, promotions, getting hired, etc) is slight. And that it is the attitude we train ourselves to take in the face of adversity, challenge and competition that provides the winning edge.

Several years ago, I had a sales person who just couldn’t get it. She was bright, eager and enthusiastic, but always froze up in front of prospective clients. It wasn’t that she didn’t know her “routine” (she had it down pat and could make one heck of a presentation during role play exercises). But in the heat of competition for business, she lacked the confidence needed to go for the gold. Her biggest problem stemmed from negative self-talk when she got before a prospect. Sure, we had many discussions about self-talk, building positive attitudes, etc. but she only tried to apply it when she needed it. This young lady trained hard but failed to train herself to have the mental toughness and positive attitude required to have the winning edge.

The point of my relating this to you is that it isn’t enough to have mastered the skills required to excel in your chosen profession and to know you have to have a positive attitude to have an edge. You must constantly practice drawing that attitude into your mind so that it becomes automatic when you are in the fierce competition that we call commerce and life.

Now is the time to begin planting in your mind and using phrases like

“I’ve done this before and I can do it again”
“Almost finished, I can finish strong”
“I know how to do this and do it right”

Then you’ll have the winning edge when you go for your gold!
Have a GREAT and profitable week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

Anyone Can Win! That's What I Love About America!

2008-06-09T10:14:00.003-05:00

Okay, it was just a horserace, but it illustrates what I love about America!

Big Brown was considered a shoo in to be the first horse in thirty years to win the triple crown. The win was all but guaranteed!
No need for the other horses to even show up!
Might as well just pay the winner’s purse to the owners and not risk injuring one of the horses by running the race!
It was a foregone conclusion…only a fool would bet against Big Brown!

Or so ran the hype the week before the race…one problem
Somebody forgot to tell Longshot Da'Tara (who was supposed to finish last) and Big Brown.
Or, maybe somebody did tell them.

Maybe, Big Brown started believing all the hype going around the stable about how invincible he was. Perhaps he began thinking about how he had gone undefeated in his first five starts, how well he ran at the Kentucky Derby and Prekness, leaving the other horses to eat his dust.

And possibly, Da’Tara had been teased and made the brunt of jokes from the other horses in the stable (you know how it is when everybody thinks you are a big loser). If that happened, Da’ Tara probably started thinking, “Alright self, you have a decision to make. You can just accept everyone’s opinion of you or you can suck it and prove them wrong!”

Wrestling with that decision wasn’t easy, I mean the poor horse hadn’t performed up to expectations recently, it would have not have been hard to reason that “the planets were aligned wrong,” or “the trainer has turned against me” or “if I had better jockeys, I’d show ‘em a thing or two.” Couple that with the knowledge that “I know I’ve got the bloodline and potential to do better” and Da’Tara could have had a real pity party.

But, as Charles Brenner, (pioneering psychoanalyst who recently died at age 94) taught us, “the engine of motivation… ”[is] more like a psychological calculator, continuously computing ratios of pleasure versus pain.” So as Da’Tara’s motivation engine began calculating, the decision was made that more pleasure would be found in trying to prove the skeptics wrong that wallowing in the pleasure of self-pity.

And, as they say, the rest is racing history. Big Brown became the eleventh horse in thirty years to fail to win the triple crown and the longshot “loser” won the big race!

Since I’m not a horse whisperer, I assume horses aren’t capable of such thinking, but this little fable points up some important points for us to ponder.

First, when you are doing well in your profession, don’t believe all the hype! Doing so can make you complacent and like Big Brown, your past successes can become yesterday’s news.

Second, if things haven’t been going well lately, don’t let it defeat your spirits by allowing yourself to dwell on the negative criticisms from others (or your own internal critic). Instead consider what you can do to improve and then discipline yourself to make the necessary changes.

Finally, allow your “engine of motivation” to work for you. Determine what you will find the greatest pleasure in (as far as your career, family, etc), assess the potential “pain” (risk and effort) involved in attaining it, set new goals and get moving toward them because as Bishop Thomas Monson once wrote, “The past is behind, learn from it. The future is ahead, prepare for it. The present is here, live it.”
Have a GREAT and profitable week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

Reprint of First Edition To Start Our Sixth Year!

2008-05-19T08:06:00.004-05:00

Someone recently asked how long I had been publishing Monday Morning and whether or not I still had a copy of the very first edition. The answer to the first question is that with this edition, Monday Morning begins its sixth year of publication. The first Monday Morning went out on May 12, 2003 and was simply text copied into the body of an email. The mailing list has swelled over the past five years, and format has evolved into a blog-site. I used to send it out every week, but time constraints, etc. have reduced Monday Morning to a 42 times a year publication. Even though the content contains more words, the central theme remains the unchanged. Hopefully Monday Morning has provided all my readers with a degree of inspiration, some ideas that proved helpful and a few concepts that created a “can-do” attitude in the face of difficulties.
The answer to my friend’s second question is, “Yes, I still have that first edition.” What better way to start the sixth year of Monday Morning than to revisit that first edition? I’ve reprinted it (unedited) below.
Have a GREAT and profitable week!
Robert Hidde

Robert Hidde’s Monday Morning!
Monday, May 12, 2003

Every week I am privileged to talk with people about their careers and life situations. Over the years, I have found that many times situations are clarified or changed when three principles are applied to them:

Be aware of what you are doing and why you are doing it: A young man once complained about his job being "hum-drum". He compiled and edited reports for management. I asked him to explain why these reports were important. After a few minutes, he began to realize the importance of what he was doing and his attitude toward his work changed. Regardless of what you do, if remind yourself of the bigger picture - the importance of the outcomes that result from your work-- your work will take on new meaning and your enthusiasm for it will return.

Be cognizant of your resources: Often we feel overwhelmed by a situation because do not feel that we have the resources to deal with it successfully. When you are faced with a situation take inventory of your resources. Chances are you will discover that there are people in your company, past experiences you've had or opportunities for self-education that will clarify how to deal with it constructively.

Experience your past successes: Several years ago, my wife was division manager for a nation-wide company. One of the top producers in the division had fallen into a slump. After a few weeks, my wife visited with this person. It seems that this person’s immediate supervisor had tried to help by focusing on the things that were going wrong during presentations. My wife suggested that the former top producer tell her about some of her past successes and how they were accomplished. After hearing a couple of stories, she said, "I want you to review these in you mind everyday, and forget about your failures". Within a month the superstar producer was back on top. Moral: Don't get so focused on what is going wrong, remind yourself of what you've done right-and learn from that.
Until next week,

Robert D. Hidde

2008-04-28T13:56:00.001-05:00

Here is a profound truth that I have to remind myself of constantly:

Accomplishment flows from action, and action flows from expectation

You see, the human mind works to create the conditions necessary to make our expectations a reality. Take for example a group of sales people I did a training seminar for. According to them, nobody was buying their product. I knew this wasn’t the case because I’m acquainted with other people in the industry who were having a banner year. As I listened to them talk about the difficulties they had encountered in recent months it became clear to me that their problem was that they had allowed a few collective setbacks to color their expectations. They had dwelt so much on the deals that didn’t go through and the prospects who wouldn’t give them an appointment that they didn’t expect anything to happen when they were face to face with a prospect or making calls to set appointments. Their actions followed their expectations, which in this case hindered their accomplishment.

About that same time, I talked to a department manager for a large corporation who was having problems with his employees. He was putting in long hours redoing projects and as he put it “covering” for his people. I asked him what he expected from them. His answer was that he ran a fairly loose ship, but that they were all aware of what needed doing. The more I listened the more convinced I became that one of the problems he was facing was the fact that he had come to expect too little of his staff (by redoing their work and covering for them); which in turn had created the expectation among the staff that they didn’t have to do their best work.

When it comes to this business of expectations, we could all learn from the Madison Avenue marketing geniuses. These folks know how to raise consumer expectations. When you walk into a Wal-Mart store your expectation is low prices. If you shop at Sac’s Fifth Avenue your expectation is personal service and excellent quality. Purchase a box of Godiva chocolates and your expectation is a taste treat that will transport you beyond the seventh heaven.

We all know that Wal-Mart doesn’t always have the lowest price in town. That Sac’s Fifth Avenue isn’t the only place to get personal service and good quality clothing or that Godiva isn’t the only great chocolate available. So why do we expect low prices, highest quality and a great taste treat? Because the advertising messages we continually hear have done such a good job of creating positive expectations.

So, become your own expectation advertising agency and remember:
The ads you run in your minds creates expectations that convince us of the actions we need to take.

Have a GREAT and profitable week!

Robert Hidde

bob@confidentliving.com

Become A Career Survivalist!

2008-04-14T10:00:00.002-05:00

What image comes into your mind when you hear the word, survivalist? Most people would think of a gun-totting, camouflage wearing skinhead extremist, living in isolation deep in the woods. But the April 6, 2008 edition of The New York Times Styles section had an interesting article about the new survivalist. These people aren’t on the social fringe, in fact they are executives, sales people, accountants—most of them well educated individuals who are concerned about the economy, environmental disasters, rising energy costs, the situation in the housing industry and scores of other potential calamities they feel loom on the horizon.

They are stockpiling food and fuel, converting assets into cash and gold, building “safe houses” and taking other measures to ensure that they and their families can survive when (not if) “doomsday” hits. One woman summed up the feelings of most when she said, “I now think of storing extra food, water, medicine and gasoline in the same way I think of buying health insurance, and putting money in my 401k. It just makes sense!”

While I’m not going to take a stand one way or the other on this subject, I do want to encourage all of us to become Career Survivalist!

Just what is a career survivalist? A career survivalist, as I define it is someone who remains vigilant, continually strives for excellence, constantly seeks to hone their professional skills and expands their network of contacts.

A career survivalist remains vigilant. Yesterday, a man at church told us that the company his son-in-law had worked at for over ten years had informed all employees that it was closing and gave them less than an hour to gather up their personal items and leave the premises. He said that this “came out of the blue, with no warning.” I wanted to ask (but didn’t) how someone could work for a company for that long and not have a clue that things were going downhill. A career survivalist remains vigilant to changes in his or her industry, company and profession. This doesn’t mean that they will jump ship at the first downturn or sign of trouble, but it does mean that they will have an exit plan in place if and when things deteriorate to the crisis point.

A career survivalist continually strives for excellence. For over two decades I have preached the message to large audiences and small groups that the era of going to work for a company, settling in and getting a gold watch and pension after twenty years is over. Companies are running leaner these days and complacency or just getting by can be a career ender. I talk to executives and hiring managers everyday and know for a fact that when considering a person for a position they judge future performance potential by past performance. A career survivalist understands this fact and constantly steps up performance in order to have the type of accomplishments required to remain a vital part of their employers strategy or if necessary be the most marketable candidate for a new position.

A career survivalist constantly hones their professional skills and expands their network of contacts. While recovering from surgery a couple of years ago, I watched a documentary about the camouflage, gun-totting extremist survivalist on The History Channel. One thing that I vividly remember is that these dudes weren’t stockpiling flintlock muskets or World War II M-1’s. No, they had the latest weaponry and knew how to use it! A career survivalist knows that in order to survive, one can’t be content with the same skills “that won their west” so they glean new ideas from books and periodicals that will keep them on the cutting edge, they are members of professional associations and attend seminars and conventions related to their profession These activities provide opportunities to meet new contacts and build new relationships.
Have a great and profitable week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

Sweat The Small Stuff To Avoid Big Stress!

2008-04-07T09:32:00.001-05:00

Those of you who have been reading Monday Morning for any length of time have probably figured out that I focus these columns around ideas to help us all live more vibrant, confident and therefore successful (you define success yourself) lives. Since this week’s column is something of a departure from that norm, I debated over whether to use it, but decided to go ahead for two reasons. First, it deals indirectly with something that can affect our confidence, and second it therefore affects our short-term success (which logically can impact our long-term success).

Last Friday, at Tulsa’s Memorial Park Cemetery’s chapel, we held the funeral service for my 95 year old mother. She had lived at Oklahoma Methodist Manor for almost ten years and on Palm Sunday, she got out of bed, walked to the bathroom and fell, breaking her leg. The following Monday the surgeons fixed the leg and by Thursday, she was doing well enough that they told us we should feel no anxiety about making the trip to see our daughter in Texas for Easter.

The week following Easter, she continued (according to the doctors) to be coming along and on Friday, the surgeon called to say he was going out of town because he expected to release her within the next five days. He did say she had a touch of pneumonia, but felt that was being controlled. Imagine my shock, when another doctor called me Sunday morning to tell me that she was “fading fast.” The pneumonia had worsened and she expired on Tuesday, April 1 (I’m at a point now to say she hung on until April Fools day just to fool her surgeon!).

The rest of last week was a flurry of activity—trying to notify everybody that needed to be notified, making arrangements (thankfully, she had preplanned and prepaid her funeral service), and trying to remember everyone that needed to be included in her obituary. In addition, my wife and I also had to handle our business (and I had to deal with a couple of demanding clients).

Now, what does this have to do with confidence and short-term success? Let me share a few things I have become aware of (even though I knew them before).

First, no matter how “prepared” we are for a time like this (or a major setback of any kind in our lives), we discover that we aren’t as prepared as we thought we were. My wife and I thought we had all the bases covered, but discovered that while the major things were planned for or anticipated, small details became major stress producers. Like many families, mine has pretty well dwindled down to cousins. My two cousins living in Tulsa weren’t a problem—I knew how to reach them. The problem came from those cousins living in other states. A few years ago, I had carefully gathered everyone’s contact information—and put it in my computer. Problem—that computer crashed, wasn’t backed up properly and, you guessed it I didn’t have a hard copy.

The next thing we weren’t as prepared for as we thought was the obituary. I spent a couple of days listing my mother’s brothers and sisters. I kept telling my wife, “I think I’ve left somebody out.” After looking over the list several times, she said, “You forgot your Uncle Robert.” I added him to the list of those who had preceded her in death. As we went over it with the Funeral Director, I said, “I still think someone’s missing.” But we couldn’t come up with a name. The next morning (Thursday), after the paid obituary appeared in the paper, as I brushed my teeth it hit me—we had left my mother’s younger sister (who had never married) off the list of sisters who had preceded her. I felt really bad about that, and worried about what the rest of the clan would think of me for such an oversight! Then, after the service we began thinking of other people we hadn’t notified—more anxiety!

I think you get the drift—we had the big stuff taken care of (funeral director, cemetery, etc) before hand (we had planned for all the big contingencies—but not the small ones). Since everyone in the family had been though this same experience, they understood about mom’s younger sister (my cousin told me they left her out of her father in law’s obituary). And, friends we failed to contact prior to the service were also understanding of the situation.

The great “lesson” I hope we all gain from my misadventure is this: Don’t overlook the small details when you are developing your big plans, whether they involve a business deal, a project or something more personal. Had I made hard copies of the list of relatives and friends I compiled several years ago, I would have been spared a lot of stress. And, knowing that I would need a complete list of brothers, sisters, etc. for an obituary long before I needed it, had I taken the time to write it out—I would have avoided much stress and a sense of guilt.

In business and life, too often we try to live by the axiom, “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” In truth, as my experience last week reminded me, we should remember that other axiom, “It’s the small things that always get us.”

Have a great and profitable week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

Staying Motivated and Resolute, no matter what!

2008-03-31T09:22:00.003-05:00

Last Thursday I conducted two workshops at the Tulsa World Career Fair (alright, my wife and I did the last one together, so I only did one solo presentation). Those of you who have attended one of my workshops know that they are a study in controlled chaos because I have lots of audience participation. I take this approach because I’ve attended so many workshops that were totally boring—usually because the presenter hadn’t identified areas the participants were needing solutions. By getting feedback from the audience, I uncover those things that my audience perceives as conundrums and allow those things to guide my presentation.

That evening, as I debriefed myself, I realized that whether a person is looking for a better position, selling a product or trying to motivate a group of employees there are two common challenges my controlled chaos approach draws out in workshops. The first is maintaining personal motivation; the second is remaining resolute in the face of opposition or obstacles.

In my talk “The Miracle of Self-Motivation” one of the five principles I discuss is that having not only worthy goals, but goals that you really believe in is key to maintaining enthusiasm and motivation. If, for example a sales person really believes that a specific product will not only put commission dollars in her wallet but help the customer solve a problem, it is easier to maintain/rekindle the motivation needed to keep moving toward her goals. If a person interviewing for a job really believes that he has something to offer an employer, it is easier for him to stay motivated even in the face of constant rejection.

This brings me to the second challenge—remaining resolute in the face of opposition or obstacles. When I was putting my random thoughts on paper, I came up with some really great material (according to Bob that is). Then, early this morning I was channel surfing and stopped on one of the C-Span type channels. Actress Janine Turner, best know for her role as “Maggie O’Connell” in the hit CBS series, "Northern Exposure” was doing a Q&A following a speech before a conservative women’s group. Someone asked what advice she would give anyone who was an aspiring performer. Her answer summed up in fifteen words the fifty I had planned to write on the subject.

Quoting a famous director (whose name I didn’t catch) she said, “Remain tremendously strong about what you can do and never take no for an answer.”

Have a GREAT and profitable week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

3 Principles To Move You Toward Your Goals

2008-03-10T11:36:00.002-05:00

Wonderfully amazing things can happen to us when we follow three principles. In essence, these are very simple principles, yet putting them into practice can be easier said than done. But once you’ve deliberately applied them for a few weeks, you will find yourself less stressed, and many with whom I’ve shared them report increased energy levels and more enthusiasm for their work. In this age of full disclosure, I must admit that there are times when, for whatever reason I fail to use these principles with the result being that I begin to feel overwhelmed, tense and drained.

First, Guard Your Attitude. As we all know, the way we think about things provides the points of reference we use to interpret everything that happens around us. I believe in having a realistic positive attitude. Now, that may sound like an oxymoron, but there are two types of positive attitude. One type has given the concept a bad name because it often refuses to acknowledge problems or difficulties, we often referred to it as a Pollyanna attitude.” The other type, what I describe as a realistic positive attitude, takes the approach to difficulties and problems that there is a solution or opportunity for each of them.

Second, Regularly Use Your Creativity. One of the first rules of writing, whether it be this column, an article, novel or anything else is that you need to write everyday. Many experienced writers go so far as to write at the same time everyday. The professional writers will admit that many times what they write isn’t that great, but they know they must use their imagination regularly in order to keep it sharp. Even when what they write isn’t that great, they have exercised their imagination and following the first principle laid out above, know they can return to the manuscript and fix it later.

But, you protest, you aren’t a writer and therefore don’t need to be creative. This is perhaps one of the biggest misconceptions I hear from people. Regardless of what you do, you need to apply the power of imagination. If you are trying to solve a complex problem, close an important deal or motivate an unproductive team member you must be able to mentally project the various outcomes, sort between them and then implement the best case scenario you settled on. In short, you are using your creativity or your imagination. Don’t be afraid to let your imagination run free, as author Jack London remarked about using ones imagination, “You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.” And as Emily Dickinson reminds us, The Possible's slow fuse is lit By the imagination.”

Third, Protect Your Time. In my business, there is a maxim that reminds us to always “work closest to the money.” On paper, this may sound materialistic, however it is simply a reminder that there is only so much time in the day and we shouldn’t waste it on inconsequential activities. Certainly, we have to do things like check our email, chat with coworkers, take phone calls or read our industry’s publications. But we don’t have to do these things before we handle those things that are “closest to the money.” For me, working closest to the money means making calls to clients, prospective clients and taking the steps needed to move projects forward. For you, it could be some other activity. Working closest to the money means different things to different people, but ultimately it means doing the primary thing that we are getting paid to do.
Have a great and profitable week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com
roberthidde.com

Three Who Overcame Career Related Stress

2008-02-18T09:04:00.002-06:00

Samantha had survived two major downsizings at the company where she worked. But those personnel and budget cuts had failed to right the ship—everyone was expecting more cuts. Samantha was living in a state of continual stress because even if she survived the anticipated next round, she knew her already doubled workload would be increased. A friend suggested she contact me to discuss her situation. After visiting with her, I suggested that instead of allowing the power of negative anticipation to control her mind, she apply the power of positive action to her situation. Together, we developed a plan for her to conduct a very discreet job search before the proverbial axe fell. As she began to implement her plan, she reported that while the situation at work was not improving, her stress levels had been lowered. Within three weeks of beginning her search, she said that stress was no longer a factor because she felt in control of her life again.

Brett had been a successful sales representative for a large pharmaceutical company. A few years ago, many of these companies realigned commissions and territories. About the same time, small medical practices were merging to form large ones (thus reducing the prospect base). Like so many successful reps Brett found his earnings substantially reduced and the resulting pressure caused stress related problems. And like so many successful people, Brett’s self image had become singular—“I am a pharmaceutical rep!” Brett consulted a career counselor who helped him separate his potential from his profession. Once Brett began to focus toward opportunities where his background and skills could be put to use, much of the stress related problems disappeared.

Always a high achiever, Edna had graduated from a prestigious eastern university with an M.B.A. and after accepting a position with a fortune 100 company, rapidly ascended the corporate ladder. For ten years she consistently out performed, out maneuvered and out produced those around her. Then the CEO and several senior managers retired and were replaced by capable people whose vision for the company was different. At first, she liked the new direction because she was given a promotion and was excited about the fresh challenges the new position would offer. But fresh challenges didn’t materialize, instead the word came down from the top that it would take five years to “retool” the thinking and technology at the company and her job was to “maintain the status quo” until the consultants were able to fully implement the new vision plans. Her once challenging job became mundane and she dreaded showing up for work, which produced internal stress (because she had always committed to giving 110%). Realizing that she thrived on challenge, she began planning her exit from the company. After researching her options, she decided to become an entrepreneur. Always fascinated by technology, she began learning all she could, surrounded herself with like minded “techies” and launched her business. She would be the first to agree that having your own business can be stressful, but she would quickly tell you that when you are setting your own targets in order to make your vision a reality, the sense of achievement makes it a positive stress.

Samantha, Brett and Edna. Three people who found themselves in stressful situation and who overcame them by using three different approaches.

Samantha’s stress was produced by the power of negative anticipation that caused her to feel helpless and out of control. Once she took action to remedy the situation, her stress disappeared because she was taking steps to regain a sense of control. As a post-note, when she found a new job, she was given a counter-offer—higher salary and a promotion. She is still with her old company.

Brett’s stress was produced because he identified his ability to be successful with the position he had held for so many years. Once he realized that he, not the job title held the potential for greater earnings and fulfillment and focused on that he was able to weigh his options. He left pharmaceutical sales and is experiencing greater success as a medical equipment salesman.

Edna, who was always a high achiever and thus needed new challenges, became stressed because the challenge had gone out of her position. While her decision to start her own technology consulting company was risky, it also afforded her with fresh goals and the sense of accomplishment that she needed in her life.

What can we learn from these three true stories?
First, replace negative anticipation with positive action
Second, refocus on what you can still accomplish, not what you can’t control
Third, set new targets and goals for yourself, don’t stagnate on yesterdays accomplishments
Have a great and profitable week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

A More Vibrant Life Through Controlling Stress

2008-02-11T09:29:00.000-06:00

From outward appearances, Richard looked the part of a successful up and coming mid-level executive, which he was. But, despite his success, he shared a common malady with people from all walks of life. “Frankly,” he confessed, “I feel like my life has become Chinese fire drill being conducted on a treadmill stuck on its fastest speed.”

Richard was one of six individuals during a five day period who told me about stresses brought about by career pressures, personal challenges and family problems. Here are a few other comments I heard during that week:

“I just feel like I’m coming a part at the seams…”
“I can’t concentrate…”
“Half the time I can’t get motivated…”
“I’m tense all the time…”
“I get so stressed out by work that I become short with my wife and kids…”

From all indications, all this wonderful technology that has made it easier for us to communicate, entertain ourselves and do our work has created higher levels of stress. The cell phone, email, and text messaging have made us accessible 24/7, making it harder to leave work behind and just take an afternoon or week-end off. Add to that the accelerated pace of doing business in the twenty-first century; economic pressures, and trying to balance work, family and personal time and it is little wonder that problems with stress are becoming, in the words of one mental health report, “epidemic.”

A report by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services reveals that:
- 70-80% of all visits to the doctor are for stress-related and stress-induced illnesses
- Stress contributes to 50% of all illness in the United States
- The cost of job stress in the U.S. is estimated at $200 billion annually, including costs of absenteeism, lost productivity, and insurance claims

Stress Is Making Us Sick

Stress has been proven to be a cause of cardiovascular diseases, high blood pressure and many allergies. It also has been shown to manifest itself in other ways, including tension, migraine, headaches, upset stomach, change in appetite, tightness in chest, back, shoulders, aching jaw, tight forehead, shortness of breath, dizziness, heart palpitations, constant low grade fever, rashes, hives, skin irritation, fatigue, sleep disturbances, feelings of anxiety, muscle tension, anger, inability to concentrate, and depression.

Stress hormones suppress the body’s ability to produce and maintain lymphocytes (the white blood cells necessary for killing infection) and natural killer cells (the specialized cells that seek out and destroy foreign invaders), both crucial in the fight against disease and infection. This means that the body is less capable of fighting disease and infection.

It is obvious that we cannot eliminate stress from our lives in our fast-paced, competitive culture. But it is possible to successfully manage stress and in some instances reduce our stress levels.

Five Steps To Managing Stress

Step One: Practice Environmental Control. Research indicates that a key factor in managing stress is the perception of how much stress a person is under. By taking better control of areas of life we can control, we are able to reduce the amount of perceived stress we are under. Become better organized, learn to prioritize critical, important and non essential activities and projects—then focus on the most important things first. Plan your work before you leave the office, this way you feel more in control—then work your plan when you come in the next morning. Discipline yourself to concentrate on one thing at a time--don’t try to multi-task several critical things at once.

Step Two: Practice Situational Control. Know what your limits and don’t hesitate to delegate to others. Learn to say “No” when you reach your limits. As far as practically possible, avoid or limit time with individuals who tend to stress you out. Naturally, some of these people will be coworkers or customers, but by being prepared for your encounters with them, you can often find ways to better control both the tone and content of your contact with them. Don’t subject yourself to gloomy relationships. Replace negative friends and acquaintance with people who more are upbeat and positive about life and its possibilities.

Step Three: Practice Emotional Control. There are times when no amount of planning, preparation and organization can avoid unexpected challenges or upsetting incidents. When we are blindsided by such things, we need to be sure not to make a frenzied response. Remind yourself that while you can’t control what happens around you, you can control how you respond. When we react in a frenzied, emotional manner it increases our stress levels. This in turn slows down our ability to think clearly and respond in the most effective way to the situation. How, you ask, can we avoid a frenzied response to unexpected, stress producing situations?

Step Four: Practice Mental Control. The way to avoid frenzied responses, as well as reduce normal stress levels throughout the day is through taking control of your thoughts. Thought control has been proven both clinically and experientially and is based on the psychological fact that the mind cannot hold more than one conscious thought at a time. There are several effective methods, among them are thought replacement (deliberately cancel out negative thought responses with affirmations of hope, confidence, etc.); momentary meditation (intentionally recall some place you’ve visited where you felt immersed with a sense of peace and tranquility. Picture that place in your mind, hold the image and allow yourself to experience the warmth and calmness you experienced); Word Therapy (close your eyes and slowly say—out loud if possible—words that create mental images that produce a calming effect. A few of these words are, tranquility, peace, calmness, serenity, stillness, quietness, harmony. Pass these words, and others you think of through your mind several times, you will begin to feel your tension and stress being replaced by a sense of well-being and composure.

Step Five: Practice Spiritual Control. Lest you think I am shoving religion down your throat, let me make it clear Mayo Clinic also suggest this type of control. Among their suggestions, reading a sacred text and reflecting on it, prayer, and listening to sacred music. Learning to practice spiritual control helps surround us with a sense of faith, hope and renewed confidence. Most of these spiritual controls can be practiced anywhere you find your stress levels building.

Have a GREAT and PROFITABLE Week!
Robert Hidde bob@confidentliving.com
This edition of Monday Morning is excerpted from Robert Hidde's new booklet "Simple Steps To A More Vibrant Life" to obtain a copy, email your mailing address for a complementary copy.

Rambling Thoughts On Super Tuesday

2008-02-04T10:28:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow is what has come to be known as “Super Tuesday.” While this particular Tuesday isn’t “faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive and can’t leap tall buildings at a single bound” it is the day twenty states hold their presidential primaries.

This means that lots of republicans, democrats, independents (I suppose some states allow open primaries), rich folks, poor folks, folks-in-between rich/poor, sane folks (those who support your candidate), not-so-sane folks (those who don’t support your candidate), living folks (and in some places, folks residing in the local cemetery), white collar, blue collar, no collar, conservatives, liberals, moderates, right wingers, left wingers, no wingers, scotch drinkers, beer drinkers, bourbon drinkers, vodka drinkers, non-drinkers, wine drinkers, fat folks, skinny folks, short folks, tall folks, religious folks, non-religious folks (have I left anybody out? if so, let me just paraphrase the old Sunday School song, “Red, Yellow, Black and White they are precious in the Candidates sight…”) will be voting.

Frankly, I’m not impressed with any of the candidates (on either side) who are left standing. Strip away the rhetoric and they all claim, in one way or another to be like a former president who was fond of saying, “I feel your pain.” Naturally, each of them has a magic pill, potion, plan, or program that will not only ease our pain but immunize us from future pain.

It’s enough for me to cry out, “Alfred E. Newman, where are you!”

Most of you baby boomers remember Alfred, don’t you? He was a fictional fixture in Mad Magazine and seemingly every presidential election Alfred ran for president. Here’s a sample of Alfred’s opinions and wisdom:

"How come we choose from just two people for President, and fifty for Miss America?"
"In retrospect it becomes clear that hindsight is definitely overrated!"
"The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper!"
"Getting old is when a narrow waist and a broad mind change places!"
"It takes one to know one -- and vice versa!"
"Nowadays, a balanced diet is when every McNugget weighs the same!"
"Teenagers are people who act like babies if they're not treated like adults!"
"The U.N. is a place where governments opposed to free speech demand to be heard!"
"You can be on the right track and still get hit by a train!"

Have a great and profitable week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com
You know, after thinking about it, I might just write in Alfred’s name on my ballot tomorrow!

Career Growth Doesn't Just Happen!

2008-01-22T08:56:00.000-06:00

Career Growth Happens For A Reason—
1. You find a mentor and make time for him/her
2. You begin thinking at the next level
3. You are willing to assume added responsibility
4. You are not afraid to take calculated risks
5. You avail yourself of every opportunity to learn new things and stay abreast of what’s cutting edge
6. You know where you are on your career path, where you plan to be and how you plan to get there
7. You act on constructive feedback
8. You build strategic alliances with influential people within your organization and outside your company
9. You understand the long-term vision of the organization and prioritize your activities to help make it a reality
10. You always let other people save face when possible
11. You realize that it isn’t always about you—helping other people get what they want helps you get what you want
12. You avoid being sucked into office politics
13. You know what’s expected of you and strive to exceed it
14. You constantly seek to do things right the first time
15. You involve yourself with civic and professional organizations
16. You “dress for success” at the next level, not at your level
17. You know how to put people at ease quickly
18. You know your limitations but aren’t afraid to stretch yourself with new challenges
19. You are aware of your accomplishments and contributions to the organization
20. You are profit-conscious
21. You know how to state facts about yourself without sounding like you are bragging
22. You take the initiative in meeting new people at “meet and greets” and know how to put people at ease quickly
23. You are tactful and diplomatic in dealing with internal and external customers
24. You are solutions oriented in your thinking
25. You have a positive attitude
26. You take the time to say “thank you” both verbally and in “snail mail” thank you notes
27. You take time to really listen to other people—by listening you both learn new things and show that you respect others
28. You know how to take charge and lead a team when a project is faltering—without worrying about who gets the credit
29. You understand how to focus on what you do best and how to delegate non-productive or low level tasks
30. You plan your day/week to maximize your productive time
31. You willingly mentor others
32. You project confidence (not cockiness) and enthusiasm
33. You develop and use effective verbal and non-verbal communication skills in all your dealings with others
34. You aren’t afraid to ask questions
35. You maintain the right life balances—professional, personal and spiritual

Careers Stagnate For A Reason—
1. The I’ve Arrived Syndrome
2. Failure To Evaluate/Realign Career Plans
3. Failure To Continue Learning
4. Failure To Take Advantage Of New Opportunities (Fear of failing)
5. Failure To Embrace Change As An Ally
Have a great and profitable week!
Robert Hidde bob@confidentliving.com

The Sound of Silence Can Be Deafening!

2008-01-07T10:07:00.000-06:00

Back in the 60’s, Simon and Garfunkel sang a song about “The Sound of Silence.”

I hadn’t thought of that song in years, but last week its haunting melody kept playing in my head because for the first time in years, I totally lost my voice—for an entire week—and was living in “the sound of silence" and it was deafening!

(As of today, I’m still not talking very much, but things have improved to a harsh whisper, so I hope to be gabbing away by Wednesday or Thursday.)

My wife and I had spent several days around Christmas with our daughter and her family in Texas and during that time, we both picked up some sort of bug. By New Year’s Eve, we were both over it, but I had developed a head cold. By 6 PM New Year’s Eve, I had lost my voice.

The old saying, “Silence is Golden” came to mind during the first 24 hours. Not being able to speak meant that I had lots of time to reflect, think, plan and prepare to hit the ground running on January 2nd or 3rd…right—wrong. Instead of improving, things went from a weak croaking sound to a weak whisper! By the 4th of January, I was checking around to find out what could be done to rectify this problem and discovered that medical science had determined that this stuff (whatever it was that was going around) ran its course in a week to ten days!

Silence is definitely not golden when you spend 90% of your time talking for a living. Whether it is conducting workshops or delivering talks (thankfully I didn’t have to cancel any), prospecting for business, interviewing candidates for positions or dealing with business situations—without your voice—I discovered that everything I do requires verbal communications!

By Wednesday, I decided I had two choices. First, I could sit around and fume because I wasn’t able to carry out the aggressive business development plans I had made for the first week of the new year. Second, I could find something productive to do that didn’t require the use of my voice.

Opting for the second choice, I made a list of things I needed to do but had never gotten around to doing because they weren’t priorities. Not liking the looks of that list (things like updating mailing lists, cleaning out files, etc) I created another lists of things that could produce income and set to work. This second list included editing a new booklet I’ve been neglecting, designing two new mailers for my business, drafting a couple of business articles I’ve been planning to write—but didn’t have time to start, and putting the finishing touches on my 2008 business development plan. I also learned to use Text Messaging!

So, take this for what its worth, but remember when things happen beyond your control, you always come up with alternative ways to be productive—and in doing so learn to better appreciate the “Sound of Silence.”
Have a great and profitable week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

My Four Resolutions For 2008

2007-12-31T10:20:00.000-06:00

This is New Year’s Eve. This morning as I laid out my Tuxedo in anticipation of the New Year’s Eve party my wife and I will be attending this evening, it seemed like just a couple of weeks ago that I was doing the same thing for the same reason; I was reminded of the words of the old song, “Ain’t It Funny, How Time Slips Away.”

Not only is this the time of year that as we get older it seems like New Year’s Eve whiz’s by faster than telephone poles along a highway when driving 75 miles per hour, but it is also a time for us to come up with resolutions. Here are four that I want to share with you and encourage you to adapt for your own use.

First, remember what Carl Sandberg wrote, “The past is a bucket of ashes” which means that when we spend too much time messing with what we regret about not finishing or not accomplishing last year about all we get is a very fine, gray coating of burned yesterdays all over us. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to learn from our mistakes, our miscalculations and our missed opportunities. It does mean that once we have reanalyzed our mistakes, revisited our miscalculations and reviewed our missed opportunities that we listen to our new found wisdom, lift the lessons we’ve learned and light our future with greater insight. In other words, rather than live in the past of regret and self-depreciation we should resolve to fix what can be fixed and focus on the future and Live In And For That Future.

Second, based on the first resolution, we should resolve to become a more influential member of our community and profession. Someone once said that experience is the best teacher. Who are those individuals that have had the greatest influence on your life? If you are like most people, the answer is those individuals who have shared the lessons of life and business that they have learned from experience. I once read that people admire those who speak academically, based on their education but that folks follow people who speak from their experience. Someone else added that when it came to mistakes the best teacher is someone else’s experience. Without sounding like a know-it-all, find ways to share in a positive way the things you’ve learned from your life and career experiences, you will be surprised how many people will gravitate to you (this is called creating centers of mutual influence).

Third, resolve to learn how to fight the good fight! I know we are supposed to have moved beyond such things and that using words like “fight” in any context isn’t politically correct. I heard an academic from an Ivy League business school espousing the idea that competition in business was wrong and all professions and businesses should consider themselves comrades and colleagues in working toward the greater good (his words, not mine). While this idealistic view of life and business paints a petty picture, it isn’t a picture of reality. Sure, it would be nice if we all could “just get along” but there are times when we must be willing to compete and compete hard not only to maintain our place in the market but also to survive. Notice, I said “fight the good fight.” This means picking our battles (no matter how great your idea for a revolutionary new computer or operating system, you don’t take on IBM or Microsoft unless you’ve got what it takes to win, instead you avoid head to head competition with them until you’ve established your niche). In addition, it means analyzing your core competencies in order to identify areas you can immediately compete in and areas that need to be strengthened. “Fighting the good fight” also means becoming innovative in your industry. Many years ago, a bank president friend of mine announced an unheard of innovation in personal banking—Absolutely Free Checking. Competitors scoffed and said it would ruin his bank, today free checking is almost the norm. As many of you know, I am what’s known as a “headhunter” and last month, I announced to the press that in 2008, Hidde Career Services would be offering a 12 month replacement guarantee on most of our management candidates (of course, like free checking, there are conditions). The response from the business community has been positive, while that from some in my field has been similar to the one my banker friend received from other bankers. Finally, “fighting the good fight” means knowing when to retreat so we can retrench in order to respond to unexpected events.

Four, resolve to have high expectations of yourself and the results you produce in your career. Many years ago, an old friend (who has long passed from this world), who lead a large organization was asked the secret of his success. His reply was, “I head two organizations, the one that I see on paper and face to face everyday, and the one I plan to head in six months. The secret of success,” he said, “is to always live in the expectant future with your feet firmly planted in the realities of today.” What do you expect from your career or your business next year? Remember those wise words of Charles Kettering, who co-founded the company that, after being sold became the foundation for General Motors Research Corporation of which he served as vice president for 27 years, “High achievement always takes place in the framework of high expectation.”

Now that I’ve given you my only resolutions for 2008, I’d love to hear about some of your 2008 resolutions. If you’d like to share a few, email them to me (should I use them in upcoming columns, I won’t use your name.)

Have a wonderful New Year’s Eve, may your favorite teams win their bowl games (as long as they aren’t playing one of my favorite teams) and resolve to have a bigger, better and more profitable year in 2008!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

Why Christmas Means So Much To So Many

2007-12-21T16:41:00.000-06:00

This is excerpted from a talk I gave over twenty years ago

I hope it adds to your Christmas 2007

This is the most wonderful time of the year! The sight of the lights twinkling on houses and through windows! The sound of Christmas music wafting on the breeze! Just the right amount of chill in the air! The faces of children as they look at the mechanical displays in store windows! The sights, sounds and smells of Christmas – isn’t it invigorating! Isn’t it exciting!

Maybe you’re like the harried woman I overheard the other day as she told another lady, “I sometimes wonder why I go through this every year!”

She was referring to the frenzied, hurry-up and wait pace that we associate with Christmas. Since Thanksgiving it seems that everywhere we turn we are reminded of the season. Traffic around shopping malls is at a snails pace. Parking lots are jammed and Salvation Army Bell Ringers await us outside our favorite stores. Holiday music wafts round us as we try to navigate the crowded store aisles in search of that perfect gift for those closest to us, the suitable gift for those not close to us and the acceptable gift for acquaintances. We juggle our schedules to accommodate work, shopping, holiday parties, church activities and family gatherings.

While we might at times share this woman’s sentiments, like her we don’t opt out of the season or the frenzy—instead we forge ahead—because Christmas means so much to so many!

Why, we might ask, does Christmas mean so much to so many? Maybe it’s because Christmas is about special moments. What’s your favorite moment associated with this wonderful season? Perhaps it has to do with a family tradition, or some special activity with your family such as attending Tulsa Ballet’s presentation of The Nutcraker or a performance of A Christmas Carol at the Performing Arts Center. Maybe your special moment is simply watching the Jimmy Stewart movie It’s A Wonderful Life on television with your loved ones.

Yes, we all have special moments and sacred moments that we associate with the season and look forward to every year. These special moments are what makes Christmas mean so much to so many of us. And I might add, by focusing on those special moments we are able to endure the surly shoppers, traffic jams, packed stores and all the other hassles that go with the holiday season. We can endure them because we know that those special moments make it all worthwhile.

Christmas also means so much to so many because it is a time for special memories. My mother shared such a memory the other day. When she was a child growing up in Yell County, Arkansas her grandfather lived with them. Christmas morning didn’t bring lots of presents, but she said that her grandfather made it a point to make it a special time. On Christmas Eve, after she and her brothers and sisters had gone to bed, he would slip out of the house and braving the cold, he would walk down the lane. Earlier in the day, he had hidden some sleigh bells down there and in the darkness he would begin ringing the bells, giving out hearty “Ho, Ho, Ho’s” as he made his way back to the house. You can imagine the effect this had on the bedded down children. After they were fast asleep, he and her father would stuff the stockings with oranges and candy, and to add to the Santa atmosphere they would sit smoking pipes full of “Santa’s Special Tobacco”. When she shares that memory of almost seventy years ago, you can see how much it made Christmas mean to her.

We all have such memories, don’t we? And at this time of year we recall them and we are transported back to a simpler, seemingly more serene time. Special memories make Christmas mean so much to so many of us.

Christmas means so much to so many because the memories, the sacred moments and the special moments merge to make it a magical time of the year for “children of all ages.”

A few years ago, I read a story about why Christmas meant so much to one woman. In the article, she discussed her family’s traditions and the wonderful times they had together. She described how much she looked forward to their annual celebration. Then, she wrote about a tragic automobile accident as her family was returning from a Thanksgiving trip. Her husband, Jim and their two children were killed, she was seriously injured.

Released from the hospital ten days before Christmas, she returned to an empty house. A house once filled with joyous anticipation of Christmas, but now it sat cold and foreboding. Everyday, friends came by and did their best, but her sorrow was magnified by all the wonderful memories that house had helped create during the Christmas season.

In the early hours of the morning, two days before Christmas, grief and fear of going on alone her only companions, she decided she couldn’t take it anymore. She remembered that her husband had kept a handgun in a box but due to her state of mind, couldn’t remember where it was kept.

Determined to end her misery, she began a frantic search of the closets, dumping boxes on the floor. In the large hall closet she dumped first one box, then another—and out fell the pistol. Bending to pick it up, she was brought up short.

The pistol had landed on a stack of old Christmas cards that had been stored in one of the other boxes. It was laying on a card with a picture of the angelic visit to the shepherds. Beneath the picture were the words, “Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.”

She said that it was as if God had spoken peace to her mind for the first time since the accident. Her fear of going on alone was gone. Her grief, while still a reality lessened as the thought came to mind, “This year Jim and the kids will celebrate Jesus birthday with Him!” For the first time in weeks she felt a sense of peace and that everything was going to be all right. With tears running down her checks she sat outside the closet, allowed the message of Christmas to penetrate her whole being and as it did, Christmas came to mean so much more to her. Imagine the shock her friends experienced when, the next day they stopped by to check on her and found the house fully decorated with the seasonal ornamentation that they had seen in happier times.

Why does Christmas mean so much to so many? For some it is the warmth of memories as they transport us to another, simpler time. For others it is the special moments that titillate our senses and appreciation of the season. We all have our memories and moments. But to really understand why Christmas means so much to so many, we must be like the woman I just told you about and move beyond the memories and moments to the transforming message “Unto you is born a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.”
Robert Hidde

bob@confidentliving.com

Positive Thinking Can't Hurt During An Ice Storm

2007-12-17T10:00:00.001-06:00

Due to the ice storm that knocked power out all over the city, I haven't had much of a chance to work on this week's Monday Morning, so I decided to reprint one from October 19, 2005. I think it's message is just as timely "in times like these" as it was two years ago.

The other day a meeting planner told me “Thanks, but no thanks.”
We had been discussing the possibility of having me as a speaker for an upcoming convention and after reviewing my speech topics and themes, this late twenty-something told me, “I know you’re good—I’ve heard your tapes, but your message is stuck in the eighties. I mean these days, people are too sophisticated to go for all that positive thinking stuff, even if it isn’t Pollyannaish, which what you teach isn’t. Today’s generation wants to hear about reality—not what they can become.”

Well, I didn’t argue with her, I simply thanked her and hung up the telephone. I could have told her about the exciting research I shared with you back in November (of 2004). As you will recall all of these studies, conducted by renowned psychologist concluded that positive emotions such as joy and happiness arise from deliberate thoughts that are chosen by the individual.

For example, Neuro psychologist Richard Davidson at the University of Wisconsin found after further research that positive emotions provide the foundation needed to create the mental environment for emotional stability and better health in general. His work and that of several others in the field have shown that individuals who consistently choose a positive mindset are less likely to be stymied or become depressed in the face of negative influences.

As you will recall from that November Monday Morning, Martin Seligman, president of The American Psychological Association has written that “Literally hundreds of studies show that pessimists give up more easily and get depressed more often. These experiments also show that optimists do much better in school and college, at work and on the playing fields…their health is unusually good. They age well, much freer than most of us from the usual physical ills of middle age. Evidence suggest they may even live longer.”

Recently, I found an article by Lee Jampolsky, Ph.D. on the American Management Association website (http://www.amanet.org) entitled Exceptional Thinking Makes Exceptional Employees: How to Encourage Positive Thinking to Increase Productivity. In the article he points out that “Often attitude is the element that separates the average employee from an exceptional one. Yet, in business today, most employers do not emphasize the need for a positive attitude, nor do they provide their employees with the appropriate training they need to understand the importance of a ‘can do’ attitude.”

So there you have it. Prominent psychologists and researchers have concluded that positive attitudes and positive thinking are the foundation for real happiness, emotional stability, better health and becoming an exceptional employee or business person.
In addition to these contemporary voices we could add such notables as Epictetus, who taught that “People are not disturbed by things, but by the view they take of them.” Then there was Ralph Waldo Emerson who reminded us that “A man is what he thinks about all day long” and who can ignore the late Dr. Karl A. Menninger, founder of the Menniger Clinic (which became the preeminent psychiatric and psychoanalytic center in the United States) who, after years of practicing psychiatry stated emphatically that “Attitudes are more important than facts.”
One of the keys to developing or maintaining a more positive attitude is to learn to balance your thinking. Real positive thinking doesn’t ignore the negative things in the world. Nor is it a form of denying the real problems and challenges we are facing. People with a real positive attitude acknowledge the problem but instead of fretting about it start focusing on solutions or potential opportunities growing out of the problem. Likewise, they don’t ignore crisis, rather they allow their minds to find creative (often out of the box) ways to resolve them. Such a person doesn’t allow one or two setbacks or situations to ruin their day, instead they take the attitude, “Other than this, it’s a good day.”

Balanced thinking is simply finding ways to mentally balance the negative with the positive. This balance is important because if we allow ourselves to dwell on the problems and negative things around us our minds lose their ability to think creatively and efficiently. So this week, practice keeping your thinking balanced by focusing toward solutions and away from the negative.
So this week, why not begin to improve your skills in maintaining (or start to develop) a positive attitude. Here’s some simple, yet effective ideas that you may find helpful.

1. Discipline yourself to make it a point to only speak in positive terms for 24 hours. This doesn’t mean that you have to agree with every hair-brained idea that is presented to you, it means you seek to help the person improve on their idea. For example, you might say “You know John, that’s an interesting concept that I’ll need to study for awhile, but let me ask if you’ve considered doing (whatever would take the “hair” out and help make it a “brainy” idea). Nor does it mean you have to avoid dealing with employees who aren’t doing their job if you supervise people, rather it means finding ways to frame constructive criticism positively. An example would be, “Freda, I want to discuss some things that I feel will be critical to your success with the company.” Naturally, speaking only in positive terms also refers to your social conversations with others, whether you are talking about work, family or coworkers.

2. Analyze your relationships to determine those individuals or groups that are positive and upbeat. It is a well known fact that we tend to absorb the attitudes of others. This doesn’t mean we should totally abandon those people we identify as being negative, but it means we cultivate and deepen relationships with our more positive friends and seek to spend most of our time with them.

3. Take time to make yourself aware of the goodness that surrounds you. This is one of the key cited by the researchers I mentioned in the opening part of this edition as being most important in developing positive attitudes. Taking time to be aware of the goodness around you means more than being awestruck by the wonders of nature. To be truly effective we must in the words of an old hymn, “count our many blessings, name them one by one.” When we consistently do this, we will be constantly amazed at the positive things we have going for us, even in the seeming worst of times.
Have a great and profitable week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

Bad Weather? Slide On In For Greater Success!

2007-12-10T10:30:00.000-06:00

“O what a beautiful morning…”

No, I’m not going to sing that song, but Tulsa, Oklahoma is socked in by an ice storm!

Along with 110,000 AEP Public Service customers (that’s customers, not people), my wife and I have no power at home and from reports it could be the 18th before all power is restored. Just north of my driveway, a huge tree is across the road. It took us almost 30 minutes to get the ice off the cars (contractors used my garage to store building materials left over from fixing my roof and side of the house from our last storm).

As I drove downtown to my office, I dodged downed power lines and tree limbs, carefully navigated intersections with no signal lights and avoided nuts driving way too fast. My wife, who also has a office downtown (in another building) elected to hazard the trip to check on her main office that is about ten miles from our home. Like me, she figures this is a beautiful morning!

So, why do we say this is a “beautiful morning?” Well, for one thing there will be fewer distractions. People aren’t focused on work on days like this which means there will be fewer frivolous phone calls, less interruptions and a better opportunity to have quality conversations with those people we want to contact who have braved the elements to be at their desk.

I learned this many years ago from the late Victor Kiam, the man who, several years ago loved the razor some much he bought the Remington Shaver company. Mr. Kiam was a road salesman before buying Remington. In his book, “Live To Win” he talks about loving the bad, snowy weather they experience in the north and northeast where he lived. Why? Because no other salesman would get out in it and he had the buyers who came to work all to himself!

Now, I’ll leave you to ponder the application of this edition to your career because I’ve got phone calls to make to hiring managers and executives who’ve little else to do but talk to me!
Have a great and profitable week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

'Tis The Season!

2007-12-03T08:31:00.000-06:00

Suddenly, ‘Tis the season!

It seems like just a couple of weeks ago that we celebrated New Year’s Day, 2007, now as I make my way through the aisle in the stores, I discover that Christmas 2007 is just 22 days away! Christmas (or if you prefer, “Winter Holiday” or “Whatever”) season means different things to all of us. But one meaning that it should hold for all of us is that it is time to begin deciding what kind of year 2008 will be.

Companies will be finalizing their budgets; sales departments will be developing their goals and quotas; managers will be analyzing operations to determine what manpower increases (or decreases) will be needed to improve productivity. Regardless of whether we own a business, manage a department, sell products or services or work within a larger organization we should begin thinking about what we want to accomplish, envisioning where we want to be and how we plan to make it a reality by this time next year.

But before you start laying out your goals for next year, it might be helpful to take a quick inventory to make sure you’ve got what you’ll need to make 2008 a great year. The inventory I’m talking about consist of intangibles—those important ingredients that serve as the foundation for setting goals, embracing our vision and building satisfying careers. Let me give you six areas to inventory before you begin seriously thinking about the coming year.

What Is Your Attitude Toward Your Job, Your Coworkers, Yourself, etc.? I begin with attitude because if we’ve allowed ourselves to become jaded by the slings and arrows, and the up’s and down’s we’ve all experienced as we tried to reach our 2007 goals we can easily sell ourselves short for 2008. As you know, attitude is simply the way we choose to look at ourselves, our career and the world around us. Before you start planning for 2008, be sure you’ve regained enough of your “can-do” spirit, then move on to the second area, which is setting your Direction.

As I use it, Direction has a twofold meaning. First, it refers to where you ultimately want to be this time next year. And second, it refers to how you plan to get there. I mentioned this to someone last week. “I’ll just keep doing what I’ve done for the past ten years and see what happens,” was her response. I feel that I must use the old cliché, “If you keep doing the same thing you’ve been doing, you can’t expect different results.” If you didn’t accomplish as much as you had planned to this past year, you might want to look for new ways to get where you want to be this time next year. Regardless of whether you decide to keep doing the same thing (assuming you’ve been satisfied with your results) or completely revise your way of doing things, the next thing you should do is Vet your goals and plans.

No, I don’t mean your plan is a dog and needs to go to the veterinarian—VET means to scrutinize your plan for weaknesses; to evaluate your goals to be sure they are attainable while challenging you to stretch yourself. In short, make sure your plan is workable and that your objectives provide the challenge necessary to create enthusiasm and provide a sense of achievement. Once you’ve gotten this far, the next item to inventory is your Enablers.

Enablers are those skills, abilities and experiences you have that are available to you as you work your plan. The last thing a surgeon wants is to have to stop in the middle of an operation to hunt for (or develop) the instrument that is needed. For that reason, no surgeon goes into surgery without having the necessary surgical instruments to perform the operation efficiently. By having a written list of your enablers that you can refer to, your confidence in your ability to accomplish your goals will increase. It will also provide insights into areas you might need to strengthen before launching your plan. Closely linked to your enablers are the Nurturers that will help you stay motivated during the year.

Nurturers are those success-stories we’ve all got to tell ourselves. Take some time to write them down so you can go back over them. As you review them, your mind will become programmed by a powerful “Been There-Done That” force which provides positive assurance that if you did it once, you can do it again. Return to these stories often to keep enthusiasm and motivation high. In addition, be sure to add your new success stories throughout the year. Now, taken an inventory of people you know who are positive and you can trust to Tell your goals and plans.

When we Tell people our goals and plans we are doing three things. First, we are committing ourselves to a course of action. This has a powerful effect on our staying power and creates a sense of obligation to see things through. Second, if you are talking to positive, like minded people you might find that they can help you improve your plan. Third, you are asking them to hold you accountable for staying the course. Naturally, you should only talk about your goals and plans to like minded people—don’t talk to nay-sayers or unmotivated people.

Have a Great and Profitable Week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

Let's Bring Back The N-Word!

2007-11-19T09:51:00.000-06:00

Today, I want to challenge you to bring back the dreaded N-Word!

No, not that N-word, the other one.
You know which one I mean—the one most of us tend to shy away from as we get older.
Yes, that N-word—NEW!

In my conversations with people from all walks of life, I am amazed at the number of them who will say they are familiar with certain technologies, processes or business strategies, but admit that they really haven’t learned them.
How long has it been since you decided to learn, not just become familiar with something new?
How long since you attempted to do things in a new and different way?

“New” can be a daunting experience. I mean, we’ve gotten along just fine, been reasonably successful, doing things the same old way. Then, there is the unspoken question lurking in the back of our minds—“what if I can’t master it?” or that ego-centered “I don’t want to make a fool of myself.”

Accepting the challenge of the “New” is important in today’s ever changing business climate. And not just in technology. New methods of managing time, people and business are constantly being introduced to us. New approaches to marketing, sales and relationship building are being implemented and proving successful for our competitors. New ways of thinking about problems and opportunities are producing innovative solutions and opening doors of opportunities. We all know of individuals and businesses who have lost out completely because they failed to change with the times—to embrace the “new” that engulfed their industry.

Attempting something new or learning new ways of doing things is also good for us mentally. Experts tell us that we need to exercise our minds. Since I haven’t been able to find a listing under health clubs for mind exercising, the only way we can keep the old gray-cells fit and limber is to tone them up with more strenuous lifting—which means going beyond what we normally have them do—which means adding something new.

Finally, attempting something new or learning new ways of doing things gives us a sense of satisfaction as we see ourselves becoming more proficient in what we are attempting or learning. This creates a dual effect on us—it subconsciously causes us to raise our expectations (fresh challenge) and it adds another layer of confidence in our ability to rise to challenges.

You might be wondering why I am on this dreaded N-Word band wagon today. Let me explain. About a year ago, I paid good money for Microsoft Publisher. After messing around with it for a couple of hours, I decided I could live without the hassle of learning all this new stuff, and it was retired to its place on my hard drive. Until last week.

I needed a new website built and to revise a couple of others that we have out in cyberspace. Not wanting to spend the dollars to hire someone, I decided to bring Publisher out of retirement. With great trepidation I opened it up—the tutorial, like most tutorials proved useless to me, but I bravely forged ahead. First, I created a simple page, just to prove I could do it. Then I created a website for one of our subsidiary companies that didn’t have a site. By the end of the week-end, I was having a ball and frankly, am looking forward to the challenge of taking my Publisher experience to the next level!

So, don’t be afraid to reactivate the dreaded N-word into your vocabulary and lifestyle! Something NEW now and then will invigorate your mind and renew your confidence!

Have a great and profitable week, and let’s be thankful for this particular N-word!
Robert Hidde bob@confidentliving.com
roberthidde.com

Nov. 12, 2007: Remember These A B C's

2007-11-13T08:28:00.000-06:00

Recruiter: “Tom, I see you haven’t sold Widgets in your last couple of jobs, in fact, you’ve been somewhat under employed, was there a problem I should know about in your last Widget sales job?”
Tom: “I’ll tell you what, I’ve interviewed with five widget companies and I can tell you why I haven’t sold Widgets! Widget employers now days just don’t give a d***n about experienced people like me because they’re too cheap to pay us what we’re worth!”

Recruiter: “Sally, the company really liked you and wants me to make an offer on their behalf. There was one question, a minor one I’m sure that they failed to ask you. They wanted to be sure you knew Microsoft Word and Excel since you will be using them a lot.”
Sally: “What? I can type a letter on Word, but Excel? I’ve never bother to learn it, nor do I have any desire to do so. Wait a minute, you mean I have to do my own typing (word processing)? I have an MBA! I should be provided a secretary!”

Recruiter: “Chuck, I see you have worked for XYZ Widgets for over 10 years, what would you say your 3 major accomplishments are?”
Chuck: “I always show up on time. I’m not a troublemaker and I led the company softball team in homeruns two years in a row.”

These are true examples of the three reasons (what I call the A B C's) many people are unemployed, seem unemployable or fail to get promotions. They are also examples of why people have problems in areas not directly related to their careers.

I’ve been working with people as a customer and businessman and the past two decades in the career field for over thirty years. And have found that there are three things that hold people back.

Attitude: Tom, in our first illustration has a bad attitude. The entire conversation with him as a total turn off. Negative attitudes have a way of seeping to the surface during interviews and in our interaction with people on a daily basis. Let’s face it, people don’t want negative people working for them, and most folks don’t want to really be associated with folks who project doom and/or gloom.

Basic Skills: Sally, our freshly minted MBA’s problem was she lacked the basic skills most employers expect people to have in today’s technology driven business world (she also had an attitude problem, we’ll deal with that in future editions). Her failure to realize this (not bothering to learn Excel) will hinder her during her career. This is a problem many veteran’s of the workplace encounter, they don’t keep up with new technology and, like yesterday’s newspaper they find themselves not only out of date but out of work.

Basic skills include more than just technology. They include skills in working with other people, knowing decorum, how to dress properly, manners, etc.

Communications: Chuck was a poor communicator. Communication involves not only verbalizing but listening closely. While his answer dealt with work related matters, he didn’t give the type of answer the question called for. It could be that Chuck had no contribution-to-the-bottom-line accomplishments, or that he simply didn’t know how to communicate them concisely. Communications, as I am using it also means knowing how to meet new people, establish rapport and move relationships forward.
Have a great and profitable week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com

Nov 5, 2007 Develop A Positive Mental Attitude

2007-11-04T15:34:00.000-06:00

“Frankly, I find that people,” She said “with a ‘positive mental attitude’ tend to deny reality and live in their own little dream world.”

The “She” who made this statement considered herself to be a no-nonsense, hard-driving, highly educated professional—who just happened to have been unemployed for over nine months. Her assessment of a positive mental attitude was a retort that was hurled at me after I explained why two client companies of mine had refused to make her an offer. In both instances, the hiring managers had said she had the qualifications they were looking for, but that she, as one of them succinctly put it, “reeked of negativity”.

Unfortunately, “She’s” definition of having a positive attitude is shared by many people who haven’t really encountered truly optimistic people. Optimism—a positive mental attitude—isn’t about overlooking adversities or denying difficulties, in fact, it is just the opposite. An optimistic individual is one who knows the score but refuses to cave in when the going gets rough. The practitioner of a positive mental attitude believes in solution oriented thinking. They know while “hope is not a plan”, careful planning produces hope, which sparks creative thinking, which produces results.

Whether you are trying to solve a problem, overcome setbacks or launch a new business, a positive mental attitude can serve as the foundation for clear thinking and motivation. But how does one develop such an attitude? Below are six keys to having a more positive attitude. You may be surprised by a couple of the steps below, but by putting them into practice, over time you will discover a shift in your attitude and if you aren’t careful, you too will become a person with a positive mental attitude.

Think Accuracy—This simply means that we gather all the pertinent information we need to determine the viability of our course of action or objective. Once we have sufficient information, we must then separate the facts from fiction and opinions.

It is at this point that some people give up on an idea because they only look at “hard” facts without taking into account “soft” facts. Soft facts include variables that affect hard facts. For example, suppose I wanted to become a long haul truck driver. I’ve never been behind the wheel of a big rig, don’t know how to shift one, nor do I have any experience in backing an 18 wheeler up to a loading dock. Such hard facts could cause me to give up on the idea of becoming a truck driver. However, when I add in a few soft facts, my objective becomes viable. These soft facts would include things like knowing how to drive a car, that I am reasonable intelligent, still have good reflexes, and that there are truck driving schools where I can learn to safely operate a big rig. Rather than quashing ideas, accurate thinking helps put things into proper prospective and assist us in developing reasonable timelines and realistic expectations.

Think Accent—Once we have established that our idea is feasible, we must develop the type of self-confidence required to take the steps necessary to begin making it become a reality. Accent thinking refers to focusing on our past accomplishments so as to bolster our belief that we can accomplish our new objective.

I recently read an example of this in the New York Times Sunday Magazine. A man who had successfully built a wholesale bagel business was going to be taking over the operation of his family’s deli. He admitted that he knew nothing about retail food service, but felt that his experience in building his bagel business would provide the foundation he needed. Rather than accent his lack of knowledge of the deli business, he accented the transferable experiences from his past success that were applicable to the deli business.

Think Actualization—At this point, it is important that we create a clear mental picture of the benefits that a successful outcome will provide for us. This picture should not be full of generalizations (bigger house, better car, etc), rather it should be as concise as possible. Back to the example of driving an 18 wheeler cross country, engage your senses. See the beautiful scenery rolling by, imagine the smell of newly mowed hay, taste the “home cooking” at the truck stops. This helps make the outcome “real” to you and, by returning to it regularly, it will help motivate you to keep on “truckin’” when things become difficult. Naturally, as you progress toward your objective, you can refine your mental image of the outcome.

Think Activity—Activity thinking moves us from the assessment area of thinking (accuracy, accent and actualization) into developing the steps we need to begin realizing our objective. Turn your objective into a goal. Organize your steps in the right sequence, develop your plan and establish your benchmarks and set deadlines for yourself.

Think Action—Now, get started! Make sure that you do something toward achieving your goal everyday.

Think Affirmation—Affirmation simply refers to reminding yourself that you are on the right track, that you are moving, be it ever so slowly toward your goal.
Have a great and profitable week!
Robert Hidde
bob@confidentliving.com